Here is the link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxlkaGVj2itcMExnRVBOb205UWM/view?usp=sharing
This was.... interesting. I noticed, first of all, that your piece had striking similarities to an anime called Sword Art Online. If you meant to do this, you should either label your work as a fanfiction, or at least say that it was based off of SAO. ~~~~
An ADMINISTRATOR makes his way to the front of the room, and the gamers fall silent.
As they walk around the corner, they see five other players, including Yane. Oliver is gone.
Well, I, um. Okay! I'm the murderer and I made the glitch! You all caught me! I just I- I was lonely, and sad, and I wanted people to suffer because of my loneliness!
Adelaide:Well, at least I'm not the weakest player. Alright, let's go!
That was a really good story, great idea to use a VR game too. Somehow I bet you have watched sword art online, considering that's exactly how season 1 started. I look forward to any similar stories you do, because that was really good.Love the way you ended it too, was amazing.
After typing all that in, I read it. Even though some of the dialogue was a little straightforward and less figurative, I thought that it was pretty decent. Actually, it was really good. I like how you ended it, even though the meat of it all could have used a tinge bit more emotion. Really, I loved it. Thanks for the read.
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