Writing Challenge 4/17th

by Swires

Published April 17, 2006

In Short Stories

Im a terrible poet but I thought I would submit:

The Alibird

The Alibird, so fine,
Its fangs, divine,
Its wings, so free,
Alibird is She?

Its talons, so sharp,
Its song, like lark,
Its eyes, full glee,
Alibird is she?

Its Prey, such bliss.
Its death, its kiss,
Its kill, from tree,
Alibird is she?

Alibird, she is,
So frightened, she is.
so morphed, she is,
Alibird, she is.

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Elizabeth
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Elizabeth commented Comment · Apr 19, 2006

Alibird, she is,
So frightened, she is.
so morphed, she is,
Alibird, she is.

I KNOW SHE IS! I KNOW SHE IS! I KNOW SHE IS! I KNOW SHE IS!
Terrible repitition.... rhyme was forced. And what Xanthan gums said.

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xanthan gum
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xanthan gum commented Comment · Apr 19, 2006

Please don't sacrifice the other more valuable aspects of a poem to something like rhyme and meter. It makes the poem appear elementary, and I know you are above that. The rhyme and meter was very nice, though.

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Swires
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Swires commented Comment · Apr 18, 2006

LOL! It is a pathetic poem, I am more of a short story/novelist

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Araidne
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Araidne commented Comment · Apr 18, 2006

Nice one! :D

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timjim77
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timjim77 wrote a review Review · Apr 18, 2006

Its eyes, full glee: Huh?

Here you rhymed, and you had meter. I love rhyme and meter. I am not one to encourage free verse all the time. But you sacrificed everything else in your poem (meaning, imagery, depth) for rhyming and meter. Sometimes you sacrificed grammatical sense, as seen above. Rhyming is supposed to edify the poem. Meter, when done well, should hardly be noticed. They are supposed to help the other elements of the poem congeal more. Keep trying in this whole respect. And obvuiously, I know you took upon yourself a difficult assignment. So don't take this too seriously.



Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.
— Samuel Butler