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140,588 Literary Works • 673,542 Reviews
I could do with a more substanstial review of this, if anyone is willing. Also, more comments are welcome. (Sorry for bumping my work, but I just need more feedback for this is lost in the recesses of YWS archives.)
Hi Wilde Charlie - Capital letters in poetry are not essential, I chose to remove most punctuation and capital letters for a thematic purpose - the commonness of nature and that of the mother. Proper nouns such as "africa" are lower case to really hit home the message that a mother is beyond petty rules of grammar, defined by linguists but is immortal and everlasting.
Could you list the sentences that you felt were a little off?
I really liked the subject it was original, creative and interesting. Thanks for posting it.
One thing bothered me a lot and that is grammar. Capital letters are of huge importance, so next time make sure that you have capitals.
There was the occasional awkward line that didn't fit in with the overall flow but other than those things, well done.
hmm. i think one word describes this best: wow.
imagery:9.25
rythm:8
emotion:9.75
overall:9
great job!