Young Writers Society

Hey, I'm Homachi. Nice piece.

My thoughts...

At the beginning, I felt like the demons were supposed to be a reference to the humanity in you that drives your quickness to cause evil.

Then I wasn't sure what you were trying to convey any longer. Because the demons became actual entities that you then revolved your sadness about.
I mean at the beginning you mentioned "the mask of goodness". Meaning, you are to be both the demons and the one that wears the mask about.
I also make reference to the second paragraph "the good mask slips off and the evil becomes persuasive".

I loved the idea that you become or are originally a demon but when you dismantled the forces, I got lost.

No doubt, your writing is good but losing the general idea in a sort of dissolution, distorts the whole piece.

Again, when you mentioned "I endure the pain". I was like, wait, I thought it was "full of bliss".
In the end, I was rather confused.
I'm sorry if I laid it out a little flat but
In the end, this is just my opinion.
I'm sorry if I misinterpreted it, if I did.

Hello there, EverlastingFlame is here to review!

Overall thoughts:

First, I would love to say that I enjoyed this piece so much. A range of emotions washed through me as I read it and it was certainly relatable.

What I liked:

-Your first paragraph. It's so beautifully written and brought my images to my head.

-The line: My dreams are vivid as a torturous sea of death. Words cannot describe how much I love this! <3 Such great imagery.

What you could improve:

-The last line. It feels out of place because the last paragraph is talking about seeking the light of life even though there's darkness, right? Correct me if I misinterpreted it.

-The third paragraph. It isn't as strong as the first one at all. There aren't as many literary devices in it and I'm sorry if I'm being rude, but it's a little bland.

-Showing instead of telling. For example, in the first line of your second paragraph, you use the words sadness and anger. Instead of citing those emotions, perhaps you could use some flowery language to describe them. If you don't get what I mean, you can always ask for an example.

That's all I have to say. Great work, I absolutely love it. Don't stop writing!