Young Writers Society

Legacy here for a review.

It was difficult to read this poem because of the fact you have no stanza breaks (which can be a stylistic choice, but keep in mind it can make it harder to read). I recommend breaking this up into stanzas based off where you change the topic a little bit. Stanza breaks help the reader understand what they just read and give them a chance to reread that one little bit if they didn't understand it quite right.

It seems like you have some forced rhymes. I personally don't like forced rhymes; it makes it seem like the whole poem is forced and not quite "true" to yourself. Honestly rhymes aren't the most important thing when it comes to poetry. It matters more that you have imagery and have a real message of sorts than if it rhymes. Rhymes are merely seasonings which if you use them wrong it can ruin the whole poem, but if used correctly, can make the poem outstanding.

You use a large vocabulary, which is a good thing, but keep in mind that some people might not be able to understand it. Keep your audience in mind, whomever that may be.

Overall, some editing is needed before this is a final draft. Legacy.

Hey! It's Mahvash here. Hope you are doing good.
About this poem, I must say that it's really provokes emotions from depth of the heart. Every word, every line tells a different story. This poem is engaging as on one side it tells us about your feelings and on the other side it tells us about your amazing friend. I felt tears rising on my eyes as I descended from one line to another.

You are a really good writer. You write very beautifully. Just focus a bit on punctuation.
Brilliant work. Keep it up. And I am sorry for your loss. I know it hurts because I have lost a friend too. But we have to be strong.
Well done.