I thought that I could stave her off,
Starve her love from living.
Who, I thought, could go on giving
To my stiff, my unforgiving,
Unclean, apathetic self?
Love like that is fiction,
A product of the penman's mind;
I thought she’d leave it all in time
If I left her far behind.
*
And yet, I’ve found I know so little
Of magnificent machines.
Nothing I have known is clean
Like her, despite the smut she’s seen.
In dens of opium and lions,
She endeavors to be kind,
And keeps no crutch for which to clutch
In angry, or in empty times.
*
I am moved by her resistance
Taken by the will she’s shown.
She welcomes well a life alone,
Adventurous, but on her own.
I am taken, and enthralled
But, stoic when the day goes dim.
She won’t starve her loving whim,
Just as I won’t be her Him.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Oh my gosh. This is beautiful!
Every word, every line, is so perfectly crafted. I'm blown away. It's a little vague, but that's the way it's supposed to be. You create powerful images, but leave an air of mystery behind you, and it's so effective. I love poems like this. Your diction is flawless, and each line seems to roll off the tongue very easily, which is a very tough thing to do when writing complex poems like this. I really have nothing to critique whatsoever, just because I love this so much. I think you're an amazing writer!!
I really hope I can read more of your work!!
Oh, you flatter me:)
I like how it rolls off the tong it is very smooth and i like what it is about too. the beginning is a little sad bu then it gets kind of happy and it turns into a very well written poem. then again there are a lot of poems that are only trying to grab you with emotion but this is good. And I also like the part where it says I am moved by resistance Taken by the will she's shown. It is probably my favorite part of the poem because it is kind of rebellious.
Thanks so much! I really appreciate the feedback!
Omg this is so good it has alot of emotion I just love it its just very captivating abd and I like the concept of it.I dont knw what else to say but wow you should ttotally write alot more and check out my suck ..... poems but yaaa I suck at revuews and poerty so I cant say nothing about Grammer and spelling anyway great job
Hope to see more of your works
-oldsoulxoxo
Thanks so much, I'll check your stuff out!