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E - Everyone Violence

Surviving The Darkness

by Sujit


It was a hot day as Ross steps outside the house ready to hit the grocery stores. He noticed a man who was eyeing him throughout the journey. The man was riding a highly unusual vehicle. The anonymous person was trailing him. Ross ran, the car increased its speed. Now Ross was getting crept, he ran as fast as his legs can. He tried to scream but in vain. Society doesn’t care about what happens to you. After some time, a man in black clothing, covering his face except his eyes were following Ross. Ross tried to fight him off but he was David and the man was a goliath. He knew that fighting was not an option, therefore, trying to dose them was the only choice he could only do. He rushed and hid inside an old building. He thought that he had lost his assailant but much to his horror his assailant rushed into him like a bull. Ross seeing no other choice tried to defend himself, he fought like a wildcat, but an ant would lose to a lion. Before knocking Ross out he said,” struggle not or else you will find your family journeying to the doors of the soul world.”

Ross was left with the fear of finding his threat true. He submitted himself and allowed himself to be taken away. He was transported into a hospital which looked abandoned while he was surrounded by scary looking men. When he woke up He was told that his organs were going to be removed and sold. The kidnappers fulfilled their pleasure by beating up the boy black and blue. A man was staring at him for a long time before he had wandered away with a phone. Ross felt his distant presence very weird.

Ross was laid down and taken into the O.T, one of the surgeons told him his body will be sold to the dangerous anonymous markets which were powered with cruelty and shrouded in the covers of anonymity. He was struggling trying to free himself, but the surgeons and the terrorists had to use their combined efforts. They even had to give him sedation to put him to sleep. Before he had lost conscience he thought that there was no hope now. But he knower knew that there was a powerful lamp amidst the darkness. The lamp had replaced the darkness. When he was sleeping the strange person, disguised as one of the surgeons, shot the other surgeons and the terrorists at the Theatre. He felt it was his duty to free the boy and yes it is for he was appointed to exploit the terrorist and free the kidnapped by the military intelligence. Using Mechanical ventilation, the man woke Ross up. The man used his encrypted phone and called an anonymous number and whispered, "ZHKDYHWKHERBSUHSDUHVWULNH."

“I have no idea as to what you just whispered,” asked Ross. The man said, “It is a coded message. It means we have the boy, prepare the strike. In military intelligence, we use Ceaser Cipher. By the way, pick a gun from the terrorists.”

The entire lair was alarmed by the gunfire going around the Operational theatre, every single person had come to tend to the chaos. The undercover and Ross knew that they were not going to be spared. Therefore they had to fire their firearms and kill the beasts. Ross had never touched a gun leave firing it. He also had never killed another human being. The entire experience was very sickening. Both of their ammunitions were going critical. Seeing no other way, the man and the boy hid inside a malodorous room. A minute later Ross was hearing the sounds of Chopper and gunfire. One of the men shouted, "DUHDFDSWXUHFRPHRXZLWKWKERB."The undercover exclaimed," Ah, they have come, let’s get out of this musty room as it will suffocate us with this Toxic smell."

Minutes later Ross was free. A sense of satisfaction has risen around him. His parents received him joyfully with streams of tears dripping from their eyes. They have never been so far from their child for so long. Ross was rushed to the hospital, many people had come. Psychologists had to give him therapy as he was prone to have nightmares and episodes when he is asleep. Also, they had to rid him out of his gun firing experience. Doctors had to get him some medical tests as he could have anything harmful such as bugs and diseases inside him because he was with terrorists and the job of terrorists is to torture. Luckily Ross was clear of any such.

Ross was on the spotlight for some time. Interviewers were lining up in front of his house. He was invited to many press conferences to take part with the mayors, Generals, Lieutenants mainly to tell his experience. This was done to raise awareness about kidnapping in how to respond to a situation where you are kidnapped.

During the press conference, one of the kidnappers was brought and interrogated. He was asked about his story, sadly it seems that he was kidnapped when he was young, he was raised and trained to be a militant by a criminal organization called the gun. It was never in his will to perform in such sadistic activities but the circumstances didn't allow him to not agree. He was glad the military has caught him sparing him from Indulging further. Everyone was shocked to hear this. The man had done nothing to deserve such a fate.

The the military was proposing a strike to end this terrorist group from causing more terrors and to stop turning children into terrorists. In the world we live in with such technological advancement, it is very easy to produce bombs and firearms. Lieutenant Jeffords will lead the strike to end one of the biggest terrorist groups in the world. Before the leaders had departed, the mayor said let’s kill this snake before it swallows us all.

Soon enough, the military was successful in eliminating the lairs of The Gun. The Gun had nowhere to hide. The military had put extra efforts to wipe out The Gun from this world. The leader was taken into custody and later was executed. Thus a large evil organization will not be there to torture the people.


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User avatar
9 Reviews


Points: 792
Reviews: 9

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Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:34 pm
Chase7 wrote a review...



Hey Sujit 😁

First off, you have quite an interesting idea here. A diamond still in the rough, but shows lots of potential as a writer.

It was a hot day as Ross steps outside the house ready to hit the grocery stores.


*Not to sound nitty gritty but you need to choose whether you're going to use present tense or past tense because you in the next sentence you jump to past and kinda jump between the two a few other time (choose past, it's easier😉).

*Second, this is the opening sentence of your story. Most people will decide whether or not to read it because of it so you might just want to rephrase it.

After some time, a man in black clothing, covering his eyes except were following Ross


*Is there just one guy or were they a few following Ross? Because later in the paragraph you use "them" when you refer to his assiliant. These type of things must be clear or you'll confuse the reader. And watch out for grammar (commas, concord, etc) .

*To make it easier, instead of saying he wore something that covered his face, just say it was a balaclava.

Before knocking Ross out he said, "struggle not or else you will find your family journeying to the doors of the soul world."


*This wonderfully poetic but I think kidnappers would just say "stop struggle or else I'll kill you family" but if you like it, keep it.

*This is a little confusing because you say he says this just before he's knocked out but then you say he submits after hearing the threat. Does he still get knocked out after he give up?

What's Ceaser Cipher? Is that an actually military code? Because that's pretty cool to include it if it is.

You're going to have to work on your dialogue though.

And like Asith said, the climax is in the OT when they're fighting for their lives. Don't cheat the reader, show more details. Talk about how his a heart skipped a beat when he shot his first target. How the bullet pierced into the body of the militants. Be dramatic.

The twist at the end is stunning. It came out nowhere, in the middle of a press conference?! It was really smart to think of it.

Apart from the few hiccups, the story is great and I can't see what else you can come up with.

Ch@se




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75 Reviews


Points: 7293
Reviews: 75

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Tue Aug 20, 2019 7:52 am
Asith wrote a review...



Hi!
This is definitely an interesting story. You have great, creative ideas - and that's necessary for any good writer! Two things you may want to look up:
1) Show, don't tell. Don't just list out the events - it's tiresome to the reader. Describe them, develop them, give us some room for imagination.
2) Keep pacing in mind. Don't rush through things that are important; don't dwell on things that don't add much to the story.

A clear example of where both of these are lacking would be in this scene:

The entire lair was alarmed by the gunfire going around the Operational
theatre, every single person had come to tend to the chaos. The
undercover and Ross knew that they were not going to be spared.
Therefore they had to fire their firearms and kill the beasts. Ross
had never touched a gun leave firing it. He also had never killed
another human being. The entire experience was very sickening. Both
of their ammunitions were going critical. Seeing no other way, the
man and the boy hid inside a malodorous room.


This scene should be far more monumental. It's action-packed and horrifying; describe it as such! The boy had to kill people for the first time? That's devastating, don't just brush that off! It's an important technique to be able to bring out feelings in high tension situations like this, instead of just documenting them. Use your characters too - they shouldn't be acting so calm here.

I was also a little confused at the Ceaser Cipher bits. If you're going to use an actual real-life code, then it might make more sense to use it properly, you know? And using codes like this for actual speech is weird too.

The last part of the story is probably the best. You did a pretty fine job of outlining the aftermath of the events on the boy's life.
Keep writing :)





Uh, Lisa, the whole reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think all the time. Just like that rainforest scare a few years back: our officials saw there was a problem and they fixed it, didn't they?
— Homer Simpson