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The Giver Got what he gave

by Sujit

‘’Oh! My money is at your disposal, use it at your need and if you can’t return it then don’t bother to return it’’, this was always used by thebenevolent Mark. ’’No! You can’t have my money if you won’t pledge to return it and pay interest’’, these lines of hate and authority was used by the atrocious Barner.

How different these money lenders from Bringingham were, their difference was greater than the repel of North Pole and South Pole. Mark gave more than what he got. Barner got what he gave. Mark was a real gentleman while Barner was a boor. Mark was the light of hope for the economically challenged while Barner was the darkness of fear. For people mark was their Oxygen, they were able to breathe in his presence due to his kind nature and philanthropic attitude. Barner was their toxic gas. They would suffocate because his of relentlessbehavior and attitude. For the people, Mark’s house was paradise and Burner’s house was haunted. As a result, Mark was popular among everyone while Barner interacted with other atrocious money lenders.

Mark had a plan to increase his income by taking up trading. Barner wanted to become more prosperous by increasing his interests to an unpayable level. The people requested Mark to work with Barner so that he would decrease his interests. It was a painful decision but Mark agreed to do it for the welfare of the people. However, you can uproot a sapling but you can’t uproot a tree. Mark was able to work with Barner but was unable to convince him.

Mark and Barner were earning their money in their respected means but Mark never forgets to give money. In fact, he constructed a new school for poor and underprivileged people.

One fine day a disaster struck. The ships in which mark had invested had crashed. Also, some ruffians had robbed him out of his riches. The same ruffians had robbed Barner. These ruffians fled the state being contented with what they got. Barner and Mark were very distraught. Both of them will reap what they sowed. The entire state had marched to Mark and supported him with a large sum of money. This was not alike for Barner. Not even his friends had supported him, but they had ignored him. Many people journeyed to Burner’s house to tell him that he gets what he gave. He gave hate, he gets hate. Whereas Mark gave support and he got it back. Thus, The Giver got what he gave.



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108 Reviews

Points: 13147
Reviews: 108

Thu Sep 05, 2019 9:34 am
Asith wrote a review...

This is nice. As far as short stories with obvious morals go, they're usually good when they're done right. Yours is good, with a few areas of possible improvement.

Firstly, regarding the moral itself. I find that stories often bring their morals out much better when they're _not_ spelled out to the reader. It's also worth saying that it's usually better to intertwine a moral into a story, rather than make a story around a moral. However, if your goal was the type of moral short stories that are usually aimed at children, then you've done a fine job. The fact the last line is the title is definitely indicative of those stories too.

One slight nitpick I have is with the change from "one fine day, disaster struck". For one, it was very sudden. I'd suggest forming some of loos bridge between the first half of the story and this, so it doesn't seem so abrupt. For another, the sentence is very awkward. If disaster struck, then I'd hardly describe the day as "fine". I'd suggest removing the bit about the day; it doesn't really add anything to the story anyway.

Anyway, it was a fun read! Keep writing :)

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27 Reviews

Points: 2223
Reviews: 27

Sun Jul 28, 2019 5:43 am
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IsProcrastinator wrote a review...

Well, this was a really good short story!

The way it's written reminds me of the children's stories with a moral lesson we used to read as kids. I like how you established the sharp contrast between Mark and Barner's characters. From the beginning of the story, honestly I really disliked Barner and wanted him to get the punishment he deserves. So when in the end he was robbed of his money and nobody helped him, I was satisfied to see him get punished. I think the title is totally accurate as it summarizes the central idea of your story. The fact that the title and the concluding line is the same is a satisfying part of the story. I really enjoyed reading it.

But remember, there's always room for some improvement! While reading, I noticed a number of things in your story that could be placed in a better way. For example :

“Oh! My money is at your disposal, use it at your need and if you can’t return it then don’t bother to return it”

The exclamation in the beginning of the dialogue seems unnecessary. You can either replace the exclamation mark with a comma, or not use an exclamation at all.

this was always used by thebenevolent Mark. ’’No! You can’t have my money if you won’t pledge to return it and pay interest’’, these lines of hate and authority was used by the atrocious Barner.

Insert a space between the and benevolent. And I wish you would start a new paragraph for Barner's dialogue, because a different person is speaking.

Many people journeyed to Burner’s house to tell him that he gets what he gave.

I think this one may have escaped your notice. Barner.

Overall I really liked the story, and I wish to read more of your works in future. :)

Have a great day/night and happy writing! And also, Happy Review Day!

Sujit says...

Thank You for your opinions and remarks.I will put them in mind while writing other stories.

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264 Reviews

Points: 2924
Reviews: 264

Sun Jul 28, 2019 2:40 am
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Horisun wrote a review...

What's that? A review on the Horisun!
Overall, I really liked this story, I loved how short and sweet it was. Something you can just sit down, read, and have a little bright spot in your day! You did a really, really great job!
However, I have a few things I'd like to point out.
"Oh! My money is at your disposal," The exclamation point should be a comma.
"This was always used by the benevolentMark" This sentence might flow better if you clarify what was used by Mark. Also, you need a space after benevolent.
I like how the next line "Mark gave more than he got, and Barner got more than he gave" highlights Mark and Barners differences.
There needs to be a space between "Relentless" and "behavior" also, well we're on that line, I think that the sentence might flow better if you traded behavior out for another word, like "attitude" or perhaps make relentless, relentlessness. But that's just my opinion, ignore it, if you want.
So, in that last paragraph, I think it might have been nice if you expanded on this, perhaps showing more of the characters reactions, and such. Also, you used the word "Ruffians" Quite a bit, the paragraph might've flowed better if you only added one or two of those words.
However, I love the moral of this story, and it reminds me of a fable, or fairytale that little kids read, (And I still sometimes read XD) And that last line was just perfect! I hope you don't mind if I quote that to my friends and family sometimes, it's just great, and it can apply to a lot of different situations. Two big thumbs up for that last line!
I'm sorry if the review made it sound like I didn't like it, I loved it! Keep on writing, keep on chasing your dreams, and Happy Review Day!

Sujit says...

Firstly what you gave is constructive Criticism. I need more of such feedback as it is really is necessary for improvement.
Secondly Thank You for your remarks.It is really important to me.

Horisun says...

:D you're welcome!

You wanna be a writer? You don't know how or when? Find a quiet place, use a humble pen.
— Paul Simon