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Black Holes

by Sujana


The unfortunate result of me going through writers block. I'll make up for it one day, but for now, we have this atrocity. 

--

He was a force of nature. A catalyst, an enforcer. He knew all the right things, spoke all the right words, experimented with all the right results. He swallowed corporations, countries, entire continents, sparing a bit more in his stomach for a mug of coffee on a misty Vancouver morning.

Though he knew. Nobody would suspect it, but he did. There was something maniacal in the curve of his jaw, the scar on his back from the time Lydia jabbed her pen knife in a scuffle. Some nights he’d tear the Versace away, wash off the five hundred dollar perfume, slip grandfather’s gold Rolex off his gnarled wrists—and stare into the mirror.

Kafka would be appalled, Lydia would say. He could still feel her lips on his, carrot hair curling around his fingers. Filling the gaps twenty three years of keyboard tapping and sweaty palms at board meetings left them with. You’re hollow, John. And I’ve always been overflowing with soul. She said, during one of their more peaceful arguments. You act like the world would collapse without you. Like you’re God. But you mean nothing, behind your wealth. You’re a black hole, John. And I’m the star on your event horizon.

Perhaps you need me more than I do you.

He stared at the mirror for hours a day, pondering his partners’ words. The pills always stood an inch away on the vanity, calling him. Perhaps, he thought. Perhaps. 


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723 Reviews


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Sat Dec 12, 2015 6:42 pm
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CaptainJack wrote a review...



Hey there ellmist. Just lizzy stopping by for a quick review. When I say your title I was intrigued. After I finished reading I felt I needed to review this work. Even if you were suffering from writer's block I found this was a wonderful, gripping story.

-Grammar and spelling is something that I do not like to dwell on for too long because the content and ideas always seem to be the most important. This element is still needed because I fell it turns readers away if they can not get through it due to issues. Thankfully your short story had no errors that I could spot except for the sentences being a little choppy. I believe someone already mentioned that.

-Now let's get on to content. The point is very straightforward and well supported. I admit the section of italics also intrigued me and made me delve further into the story. Also, loved the descriptive word choice.

Like I said before this was just a quick review. Great job, loved it, and I hope you write a sequel of sorts.
-lizzy




CaptainJack says...


I really need to stop looking through old folders but on the other hand I shouldn't. Once again sorry and I'm considering rewriting this review just because it's so bad.



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Sat Dec 12, 2015 12:05 pm
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ka67 wrote a review...



Hello lovely! I am here to give you a nice review which is, thank gosh!, not going to be too long :3

To start, I'l begin with all the technicalities; punctuation, grammar, awkward sentences etc.
There aren't many, none that are even really worth commenting on because I'm pretty sure they are meant to be there for the way the story flows. A couple of fragments is all I'm really seeing. Even then, they aren't worth saying, so congratulations on no typos! Everything is scott free!! :D

Now that my least favorite part is out of the way, quite quickly indeed, time to get onto the opinions and improvements.

My opinion is that I like the story. I am interested and curious as to where this is going to lead in the future because I, having read the italic comments yay!, notice you're suffering the annoying disease known as writers block. Oh the horror!! Regardless, it is written quite well when one has writers block.It isn't long, it isn't super descriptive to the past, but everything captures my interest to where I want t know more! What happened between him and his partner? Are they still together? Is he like actually a God or is it just his ego? So many questions!! O.O

Like I said, I do enjoy the story. I want to know more. Which is something I suggest in the future when your writers block passes. If you have any ideas and don't know how to build a new story around them, see if they fit here. Make a short story, or a little book!! Haha, I'm shooting for the stars here ,do as you please. However, I do think expanding on the story sounds like a good, future idea. Explain what happened between John and Kafka(which sounds like a Tokyo Ghoul word...) and if he is actually a mortal or not. Why is he so rich, so empty? Tragic backstory or was he born a psychopath, no emotion whatsoever??

Like I said, all opinions. You don't have too ,but I like to think I'd get a message someday and this was expanded upon, made intricate with the same nice descriptions you have to describe john carefully distributed throughout the story. Wow,this is a really all-over-the-place review. Sorry! I'm only just getting back into reviewing :3

Have a good day, and future good writing!!
~Kam




Sujana says...


Thank you for reviewing (strange thing is that your review looks longer than the actual work). Also, I know it's awkward, but Kafka is not my character--it's Franz Kafka, the author. I was reading the Trial the other day and I went insane, basically.



ka67 says...


I didn't realize how much opnion I wrote. oops. It seemed a lot shorter when I was typing XD. Oh well, but yea, that isn't too bad. I think thats really cool, because Kafka means something I can't currently remember. And of course! gotta get back into it somehow? :3




The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
— Alvin Toffler