I knew when I got pregnant with Izzy that I would end up with an overly energetic person running around my living room. I just didn't expect that person to be my husband.
"What on earth are you doing?" I ask, exasperated.
I just cleaned the room yesterday. If he continues to mess it up, Izzy will be the only child he'll have biologically.
Ben flips around to answer me, an almost incredulous look on his face. Dressed in a hooded robe, brown pants, and boots, he looks odd to say the least. Not to mention he's holding a blue Lightsaber.
"I'm saving the world, of course," he replies, scoffing. "We're in an intergalactic war, after all. Isn't that right, Izzy?"
She scurries out from the hallway, dressed up as Leia. Her hair is twisted into side buns, covered in a white dress and little boots. Even I have to admit she's adorable in last year's Halloween costume. Ben wanted us all to match, so he was Luke Skywalker, Izzy was Leia, and because I’m awesome, I was Darth Vader.
"I'm Princess Leia, not Izzy," she whines. "Don't mess it up, Luke."
"Sorry, princess," he says, grinning. "Now let's go! Come join our mission to destroy the Death Star and achieve justice."
"I'm kind of busy doing things in real life," I respond. "You know, like laundry and dishes. And fixing the room you just messed up."
Ben crouches down to speak in Izzy's ear, but he's never been good enough at whispering that I don't hear his comment about me being on the dark side.
He suddenly leaps up onto the chair beside me, brandishing his Lightsaber.
"You'll never get away with your villainy!" he proclaims, standing tall. "Good will always prevail over evil! Quake in fear of my power!"
He props a foot up against the back of the chair, bringing back his weapon. It turns out that I'm not the opponent he should have been worried about. The chair starts to tip back too much, and Ben tries to balance himself. Unfortunately, he's too late. It crashes against the floor, bringing him with it. His knee lands on it with just enough force to flip it, and it squishes him underneath it. He groans. Izzy's peals of laughter echo around the room.
For a moment I'm concerned he's hurt, but when he sulks instead of grimacing, I know he's fine.
"You're cleaning this up, Luke," I tell him, snickering. "Unless you want something to happen to your hand."
He groans again, laying helplessly while I pick up Izzy.
"Come to the dark side, princess," I coo. "We have cookies."
"Yay, cookies!"
As I walk away from my defeated husband, I can't hold back a smile.
"Leia, no!" Ben shouts. "Don't defect!"
"Mommy said there were cookies," she chirps. "Sorry."
"But . . . I am your father?" he tries.
"Not in that outfit you aren't," I reply, laughing. "May the cleaning force be with you, young Padawan."
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139,211 Literary Works • 672,511 Reviews
This is a comment-
BAHAHAHA
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BAHAHAHA
this is a reply to a reply to a comment
XD
This was really funny and well written. You should write a novel with this family and their adventures.
Aw, thanks! I'm so glad you liked it!
Initial Impression:
aaaawwwwwww
Professional Impression:
I really like this work. It doesn't need conflict to be good, like other stories, because the intention is to make the reader feel, for a lack of better wording, fuzzy and gooey inside. It's also exceptionally well-written, so it is difficult to find anything to criticize over.
However, since this is Review Day, I thought I'd give you the gift of nitpicking.
-"Dressed in a hooded robe, brown pants, and boots, he looks odd to say the least." He looks odd to say the least feels a bit more tell than show. I think it would be better if you described the father as a Jedi and then leave the reader to think it out for themselves, but take that advice with a grain of salt.
-"Ben crouches down to speak in Izzy's ear, but he's never been good enough at whispering that I don't hear his comment about me being on the dark side." You could split that last part into two, for the sake of the flow (I read the whole work aloud to check the flow, if you'd like to know). Ben crouches down to speak in Izzy's ear, but I could hear him whispering about the dark side. He's never been good at being quiet.
-""May the cleaning force be with you, young Padawan."" No complaints. That was a perfect ending, honestly.
Good job on this one.
Signing out--EM.
Hey there Storygirl95. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without further ado, let the reviewing begin.
1. First, before I get any critiquing in, I may go off on a wild tangent about Star Wars at any time. You have been warned. Your nice story was short, sweet and funny, but the title drew me here is the first place. Just by reading the title I k ew this would be about Star Wars and then I knew I had to read it. I have a mic little intro point to length so let's just start there. The title drew me in but the length told me to continue reading. The story wasn't drawn out too far or rushed together. I am often very pesky about length, but this time I'm not. You have just received a seal of approval from me, but that doesn't really mean that much to you.
2. I don't often leave completely praise reviews. This is one of those rare cases. I loved the storyline and flow of the plot. There was no loose ends that were never tied up or rambling.(This part made me extra, really, super happy.) the events were very interesting from he beginning to the end. I guess I found so much humor in the story is because just last Halloween I was Anakin Sywalker. I know a girl dressing up as a guy but I was the right height and my hair was the right length. That's enough about me and I better get on with the review.
3. Though I am not the best when it comes to grammar and spelling, I always try and fit a few lines of analysis into my reviews. I found your review to be free of any mistakes, not even a typo was to be found. Woohoo!(Or however that is spelled.)
4. Sorry for it to be such a short review, but so didn't have that much to say. This was my first review for Review Day but hopefully not the last.
-lizzy
Hi!
Before I get to responding all the way, let it be known that I always accept Star Wars tangents. It's a wonderful subject.
Anyway! I'm so, so glad you liked it. Your (extremely) kind words mean more than I can say to you, and your seal of approval certainly means more than you think!
I'm not sure I've ever received a completely praise review that wasn't just a "great" or something like that. Of course that's nice to hear, and of course I love constructive criticism too, but this is truly touching. I wasn't even sure if I should post this story because I couldn't tell if everyone would like it. You've made my night infinitely better! ^_^
Yay for no typos! I always try to read through and fix everything, but I usually miss at least one thing haha. I do believe that's how whoohoo is spelled.
And it's okay about the length of your review! It's actually pretty long in many senses, so don't worry about it! It was perfect length. :>
And happy first review day review! I'm honored it was mine. I wish you many more!
Really, thanks again. I appreciate it. Have a very merry review day.
Hi there! I really love this! It's a cute, fun piece- a very refreshing read. You are a clever writer and I like the bantering between the husband and wife.
The only bone I have to pick is the first sentence. "...with an overly energetic person running around my living room." This last part "overly energetic person" is a little awkward, in my opinion. I think it may sound a bit smoother with "I knew when I got pregnant with Izzy that I would end up with an hyperactive child running around my living room," or something of the like.
Overall, I think you did a great job with this story. It made me laugh and think about the overbearing stress it must be to have a child, but sometimes a little goofing around and a good laugh is what makes it all worth it.
Awesome job! Loved it!
Happy writing,
Kali L.
Hi! Thanks for stopping by!
I'm so glad you loved it and thought it was cute!
I think parenting can be a mess sometimes, I'm worried about ever having kids haha, but I think it really is worth it in the end.
I'll mull over the sentence for a bit and see if I can reword it! :>
Anyway, thanks again. Have a great night!