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Where the sky meets the Earth, part 1

by Stormbreaker

This is a work that's been written in collaboration with @stygianmoon17 

For the people that will see similarities with a previous work of mine, that's because they're the same chapter of the same "novel". We just split them up to make the reading less precarious and long. Hope you enjoy this <33

I never liked this house. It was peeling old- looking more like a giant rotting carcass than a house. I didn’t despise it- I hated it. In every corner, in every room; there was a shadow lurking around. I hated them just as much. It might seem weird if you take in on account the religion which I follow. Satanism was known for its almost fearless members (or at least, not as things as darkness) the others had made it clear when I told them, that I did not look like one of them. Opening a room, I checked inside. Venturing a bit further just to have a quick peek at the window though I barely could ignore all the darkness around me. The garden was empty, if we could call that a garden; it was a gigantic patch of land filled with dried weed mud and mounds of earth. This home was everything but cosy as the cold atmosphere weighing down on us- like a storm- only brought tension in my lungs.

There was no one.

No house, no person, no car- not even a living thing. We were the only persons in a huge range. I guess that’s why we decided to settle here instead of in the middle of a noisy city. Turning around my heart missed a beat. There was something in the shadows. It was there. Watching me with wide glowing, onyx eyes. Like two braziers of dead light.

I blinked- and it was gone. My heart was beating so loudly I was afraid that everyone would hear it- it was a terrifying thought. Shivers ran down my spine as I scanned the whole room, finally seeing the threshold of the door.

It looked so far away..

the darkness around seemed to be closing upon me as cold fingered my back clasping my heart in its claws. I could barely breathe as the last lights of the evening dipped to a nocturnal purplish black. I was gasping to breath, when suddenly, a figure appeared in the door’s threshold.

‘Ash,’ Halsey said softly. ‘We’re going to begin,’

He followed behind me as we engaged in the creaking staircase. My own heart was thumping loudly, but not Ash’s way- I was excited.

‘There you are!’ Serenity exclaimed. She quickly glanced at Ash before whispering in my ear. ‘I’m not sure this is such a good idea for him, I mean. His phobia might kill him,’ shaking my head, she sighed.

‘Ahem everyone!’ She said to the others. ‘Is everyone here?’ In front of their same, methodical nod of approval; she continued. ‘Well we are going to begin. If anyone wants his chance of-‘ she grinned. ‘redemption. Let it be known,’ she had addressed herself to the whole group but her eyes were fixed on Ash. Someone snickered. None of us really had truly accepted him in.

Since no one spoke, she sat into our circle and started drawing the reversed pentagram.

‘Web,’ she asked. ‘The doll.’ He brought it up to her. It was one of these old porcelain dolls. It was a horrible thing of a doll: damp and dead with two eyes staring right in me- and yet it looked like a living thing. Horror movies sprang into my mind, as I wondered if this doll would soon be made into a movie with as protagonists, and future inconscient victims; us. But I mustn’t think of that.

Ash was staring at it with a look of disgust, one which he didn’t hide at all. On opposite of the gracefulness and angel like features of dollS; this thing looked as if it had been in a dumpster for half a month.

‘Who got it?’ Jess asked, disgusted.

Serenity shrugged. ‘I found it in our attic,’ that was all the conversation we had after that.

The reversed pentagram had already been drawn and as Serenity and Web struggled to slice open the porcelain doll- Sonya and Jess prepared the mixture for the doll’s inside. I prepared the television which was fairly easy since I simply had to turn it on; Serenity said it would warn us of the Spirits’ inhabitation of the doll. Once everything was done, Sonya came over to me, touching lightly my arm.

‘What is it?’ I asked her.

‘Halsey, have you ever played this game?’ I shrugged.

‘Never with a doll,’

She smiled but it waned very fast.

‘Me neither. Neither them,’ she pointed at the others. Then looking at me, she pursued. ‘No one here has ever played the one man hide and seek. Who knows what’ll happen; maybe this game isn’t safe,’

‘Why? Are you scared?’ She shrugged. ‘I don’t think Serenity would’ve been wanting to play this game if she didn’t know the risks.’ She nodded but it didn’t seem to content her. Although being an extravert, this debate was sickening me. I was already craving to end this all and knowing as much of this game as I did about maths- I really didn’t need her to give more arguments for me to cower away from it.

No, this was going to be my first satanist game with my friends. This was going to be fun. It had to be.

‘Alright everyone,’ nodded Serenity as she gave a quick but faint reassuring smile. ‘I think you all deserve to be reminded of the rules,’ she looked in my way but my face was set. Her face hardened. ‘In case of doubts.’ ‘A by passer spirit will be called to inhabit this doll, and when it does; the game starts. However I assure you that it can’t be freed of the doll on the exception if someone breaks it. And even if someone does, it won’t be able to hurt anyone and interact physically when out of the doll,’ she smiled to us and all my doubts seemed to dissipate in thin air. She had that way of hers to captivate her listeners.

Web looked at me, smirking. I had to remember, though; that he isn’t a satanist; as well as Jess. It’s weird to say it that way, as if it was forbidden.

As I approached the doll, I could see it better. It was like one of these old dolls which resembled a baby, except that it was missing an eye. Jess produced the uncooked rice, which was said in ancient culture to attract spirits- hastily putting it inside the doll. One of Web’s brow lifted but no one else remarked that act justified by fear. I quickly looked around at each of us, looking for fear or doubt; and relaxed finding only determination. Sighing, I proceeded to watch Jess as she sewed the doll with a red thread representing blood vessels. Then, filling a bucket with water, we submerged the doll in it.

‘What happens if it finds us?’ Worried Sonya. She was the first one in this religious group which firstly didn’t seem to fit, she was too.. luminous.. I didn’t even know why she ever decided she wanted to become one. Jess and Ash at least didn’t bring up their religious opposite. Anyways.

‘Well, you’re it;’ Serenity said, frowning. None of us ever did play this game. She glanced at me then back to Sonya.

‘Are you sure there were any spirits in here?’

‘Yes,’ Web replied in her defense. ‘M’ something. Something to do with the face.’

‘The eyes’ Jess frowned. ‘And it’s Myosis.’

I turned to Sonya, looking surprised.

‘Myosis?’ I snickered. ‘Sounds like some big joke.’

‘I think it’s cool,’ Sonya murmured. ‘Anyways-‘

In a swift motion she produced the scissors from her pocket and, holding it by its blades; presented me with them.

We looked at each other, my hazel eyes crossing with icy blue, chocolate brown, olive green and electric purple before finally falling on Ash.

‘I’ll go first,’ he said with a layer of courage over his trembling voice.

He probably felt the need to prove himself. Sonya nodded and he grabbed the scissors before stabbing five times the doll saying, ‘I found you, Myosis! You’re it! I found you Myosis, you’re it!’ The whole time we stayed silent and grimly watched this seal this game for good. My thoughts flew all around and once more, I felt that strange emptiness inside. Seeing Ash stabbing the doll; make me muse about whether it would do the same thing when it found us. I silently protested against this grotesque thought and cast it away.

When we had all passed, we made a circle around the doll to count until ten. I looked over at the television, and that’s when I saw the ripples of static across the screen as ripples across troubled waters. I excitingly nodded over to it when Serenity looked at me. She grinned. It was here.

I looked up and we all prepared to count. That’s when I heard it, a loud noise. The door to this room had opened and a figure appeared in it’s threshold with big wide eyes of terror.

No please, I prayed. Not her!

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Points: 381
Reviews: 4

Sat Apr 24, 2021 2:16 am
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OrangeJuice158 wrote a review...

Okay, so... wow! Satanic rituals. Wonderful start (not sarcasm, I find this to be extremely intriguing for a beginning).

For technical mistakes, there were a couple instances of missing capitalization and incorrect/missing punctuation (think a comma instead of a full stop). But those are all very minor things that I'm sure only nit-pickers like myself would ever notice.

I really like the descriptions of the world and items in it so far. It feels like something I could really see happening, and that's pretty important in a reading experience for most people. I think the best part was the baby doll missing an eye... because c'mon, baby dolls with missing eyes are the peak of horror culture. You have to have it somewhere.

Anyway, in all seriousness, this is pretty good. I might pick up the pace a little more than where it's currently at, but otherwise this is a very enjoyable reading experience thus far!

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119 Reviews

Points: 324
Reviews: 119

Mon Apr 19, 2021 5:13 pm
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manilla wrote a review...

Hi, Manilla here for a review. Let's get right into it!

Very interesting premise so far - a satanic ritual among some friends in a very creepy, very sus location gone wrong. This definitely seems normal, and I'm very curious as to why they decided to do this in the first place. The main character (Halsey?)'s doubt is well established in the first paragraph, and we can see her bitter, resentful feelings towards her current situation and through the entire chapter.

For a first chapter, this poses a lot of questions for the reader. In my opinion, a lot of characters were introduced in a very short time, making it both difficult for the reader to keep track of who's who, and for the writer to establish their personalities and differences. But I can tell that they are teenagers screwing around, which makes for some interesting starts.

Some minor but very important things. I would suggest you review how to place commas - it's a pain in the butt, I know, but for flow of long, complex sentences, it is critical. Many sentences were caught lacking in that department. Also caught an "it's" vs "its", but that's simple and I'm pretty sure it was just a typo.

On the flip side, you describe the ritual very well! I clearly know what's happening, and how well it was researched. Makes for a very believable setting and course of action.

One thing, however, I want you to play with is suspense. The characters describing what's going on and partaking it themselves go without pauses, stops, or fears. We occasionally hear the narrator's doubts, but they turn into eagerness eventually. This is some very creepy stuff! In horror, suspense is key for making a great story. And to make that climax, that twist at the end work, suspense must be built all the way through the chapter. Give even more of an unsettling feeling, and don't be shy to keep pushing along with it. It will build you a great scene.

Intriguing! Good luck writing it, and I'll see you around YWS!

Stormbreaker says...

Hi there :)
Thanks a lot for the review ! I don't actually know much about the ritual as this chapter was mostly written by @stygianmoon17, but it's inspired by an actual ritual called the One Man Hide And Seek I think ? You can ask her for more information if you want :D
Thanks a lot for the advice !!

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155 Reviews

Points: 802
Reviews: 155

Sat Apr 17, 2021 3:36 pm
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ForeverYoung299 says...

Hey! You should include Stygianmoon as a co-author. 😀

Prometheus, thief of light, giver of light, bound by the gods, must have been a book.
— Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves