The Touch: Blind Date

"Mia, look at this." Kalen had a newspaper open to the local section. She'd marked her place with a finger.

The headline read, 'Couple claims cat girl as their own.' Beneath that was a photo of a man and woman staring intently at whoever read the paper. They looked nothing like me.

"How dumb can you get?" she snickered. "Boy, I wish someone would claim me as their daughter."

I pretended to swipe her with invisible claws.

"Maybe that's a good idea after all. I mean, I think I could get permission to adopt you."

"Get outta here!" I said, though I liked the idea. "Anyway, isn't there a law that says you have to meet certain requirements?"

She waved it away. "What law could possibly stop us? We're the same kind and everything."

Amused, I said, "If you forget that I'm a cat and you're a lioness."

"So? Haven't you ever heard of Koko the gorilla?" When I said no, she told me about how an ape took care of a kitten as if it were her own. She had a surprising way with words.

"Knock, knock. Can I come in?" said Sula's voice from the doorway.

I jumped. Kalen stifled a laugh and waved her in.

"Thanks; I heard that last bit about the gorilla." Sula pretended to be awed by her friend's storytelling. "So anyway, some of the guys want to hang out in the park. They asked us to come along."

Why not? I've had about enough of walls. I glanced at Kalen and saw that she was thinking about it. "C'mon, Mom, let's go," I teased her.

**

The park made my spirits lift off like a balloon. It was an open space bordered by woods on three sides.

He looked up and nodded. "Hiya. I'm Jim, and this is my pal Grace."

I bent on one knee, offering Grace my hand. She sniffed it, glanced at her master, and began wagging her tail. Obviously she didn't object to cats.

"So what brings you here, Jim?"

"I like to listen to people." From the bench behind him he picked up a tape recorder. "It's amazing the things people will say when they think no one can hear them."

I was intrigued. Before I could say anything, though, Kalen took hold of my arm from behind. As if he could see perfectly well, Jim met her eyes and waved.

'

"Who's this, Mia?"

"Oh, just somebody. His name's Jim; the dog's named Grace."

"Hey, it's you! Did you hear about the concert?"

"I was just about to ask you that. Yeah, I heard all about it."

He laughed- a genuine sound that put me right at ease. "Do you want to go? Concerts are great places for hearing people talk."

I was grinning foolishly and knew it. "Sure; do you have a lift?"

"Yeah. Where should I pick you up?"

This was it. Would he turn me down if I told him?

"Mia?"

"We... um, say at the park entrance?"

"That's fine. Grace says to say hi for her." He let the silence expand, then said, "The concert starts at seven. Try and be there around six-thirty."

Kalen was going to love this.

Jim

Dad's car crunched its way down the drive. In a moment his step rang in the hall. "Hello, everyone! Is that dog in here somewhere?'

Grace perked up her ears; I could tell by the friendly panting she started up. It was a game they played: he pretended she was a pest, and she was the perfect, obedient family dog.

Over dinner, Mom told him about my plans. He listened, probably nodding his head once or twice.

"Well, son, I'd like to be present when you meet her." Dad was from England and always spoke formally. "Do you think that could be arranged?"

"I guess. Her name's Mia."

"Oh really? I knew a girl by that name in high school.

The band playing was really popular. They had a humble, direct tone to their music that I always found engaging.

It suddenly occurred to me to wonder if Mia was a Christian. Of course I would forget to ask.

Grace put her head in my lap. It was if she were saying, "Don't worry. It'll be all right." Sometimes I could swear she and I had some kind of telepathic bond.

There was the park. The van's side door opened, and Mia's cheerful voice rang out. "Jim! I'm so glad you're here."

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Snoink
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Snoink wrote a review · Sat Mar 19, 2011 10:04 pm

Wouldn't Mia notice that Jim was blind? It doesn't quite make sense! It seems rather obvious.

I think this is much too rushed and there doesn't really seem to be that much conflict, which is a problem because conflict is what clues us into what the story is about. This just seems to be a bunch of people meeting up to the park together.

Also, there are tons of names and no real description, especially at the park. It's very confusing. I think you need a sense of direction in t his introduction to catch our interest and then you have to describe more. For example, what kind of concert is it?

Also, I think you can be more creative with Jim. You're mostly talking about sounds and what you think they might look like. However, dogs can wag their tails (thump, thump, thump) and the dinner can be slightly burnt, etc. So definitely don't be afraid to be creative here.

Also, if you're having problems with getting reviews, just ask. The number of works in your novel is confusing, since they pretty much say the same thing, but with little tweaks.



We are all broken. That's how the light gets in.
— Ernest Hemingway