Published December 23, 2008
His name echoed around the cavern: “Tsukasa…. Tsukasa….”
“Stop it!” he wailed. “I didn’t ask for this. Aura….where is Aura…”
Jen Akimoto opened her eyes. The dream had plagued her for several months, ever since her experience in “The World.” Her black hair was in disarray; she swiped a finger through it. Smoothing out her blue sweatshirt, she headed for the bathroom.
She couldn't explain it, but somehow she'd been drawn into the game. Not obsessed, as so many people were, but she had, at least in spirit, been trapped in "The World." The memory still made her sweat.
Doctors were still shaking their heads at the phenomena. Six players had recently gone into comas, but so far only Jen had recovered. The official report had it as “trauma induced by sudden flashes of light.” Jen knew better. “The World” was more than a simple game.
She sighed. The only way to stop this, she reasoned, was to log back in. Time to stop running.
The familiar, jangling music greeted her. She clicked “Sign in,” then input "Tsukasa."
“User account has been deleted. Please register.”
Jen cursed. She punched the “back” icon and clicked “register.” It only made sense. Since her character data, the Wavemaster named Tsukasa, had been modified beyond normal, CC would want to break it down.
Vividly, she remembered that first experience.
“Can you… you know, exit ‘The World?’”
“Of course I can. After we last met, I logged out.”
Random lights played across her vision, and she screamed...
"Jen, snap out of it!" Her best friend, Yoshiro, was shaking her. "I thought you had relapsed," he whispered.
Points:
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IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Very nice. Grabs the reader right away, always good, darn near a must. I'm very interested about this World. What is the World, and what's going on there? Who the mastermind behind it? Currently, I'm thinking the World's something along the lines of a World of Warcraft game, but more... real? Your character says that the World is more than just a game, so I'm wondering.
I'd look forward to learning more about your characters and the situation.
Maybe back up her thoughts a bit more, though. When she says the only way to stop it was to log back in, you lost me. If logging in to it was what caused it all, why would she wantt to go back? I'm guessing this makes perfect sense once you have the full story, but maybe give a couple more sentences so we don't *need* the full story to know what's going on at the present. Again, this is very, very interesting. PM me if you post more, aye?
well it was good but quite short
but i liked it
no grammar mistakes it was great
and it's interesting
but there was no explanation about the
characters much
please continue
because it's great
and next time
make the storie very
long ok
o.O. Well this is...short.
But you tell the story in an interesting wat. Be brave and post more.
You're grammar is fine. Maybe you could add a bit more description...
I think people will find it interesting who don't know about .hack.
Tell us more about Jen. What does she look like? Where is she? Why does she want to go back in?
It's a good start.
よい仕事!