Over towering oaks, over pillars of stone
Beauty and myst'ry, the moon settles low.
Come gather white flowers and sing golden songs
Of the land of Elmarin, where my heart belongs.
Gather me flowers to grace my fine fur
'Midst the secrets of lovers and proud mothers' purrs.
Nothing can chain us, can stop you and me
For we're the Cíana and our hearts are free.
For the longest time I wanted to write a Cíana song, but couldn't come up with the right words. A big thank-you goes to Malukah for her song, "Three Hearts as One".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-lGevvO2vw
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hmh. Well, this is hardly going to pass as a review; but here goes.
First: Interesting subject (very out-of-way for YWS). I must say I haven't run into any songs that used this particular clip style on a subject like this. But it's really well done. When reading it I can 'hear' the flow come together naturally; I don't have to think about it. That's really really neat. Your use of things like "myst'ry" is really well done when read out properly. I can definitely see why you're proud of it.
One tiny tiny thing. I'm not sure that that last comma you use is totally appropriate. Just read through it a couple times; I'm probably just being an idiot, but you might'z well look into it.
I really enjoyed this piece -seriously; I don't mean to sound all soft and mushy over it, but this was incredibly done. Spectacular. Laure' down here's enthusiasm is NOT unwaranted.
It's rather short though, isn't it . . . for a song?
Anyway. Keep writing.
Enjoyed muchly.
(~Black~)
Listening to that song and then reading it definitely helps.
Yes, it's meant to be a song. That's just all he wrote- so far.
I...wow. I just wow...that is the most beautiful song I've ever seen, heard whatever. I though this was a published work of a well known author for a second. Because the language reminded me of Tolkien, and the content and the simple beauty of it was just pure genius. Can you make up a tune for this? Because this is beautiful. Not only did you rhyme the lyrics had a vivid imagery and an emotions voice. The love for the character, the boundless and self sacrifice love was presented in your second stanza, in the first stanza. You set the atmosphere and scene, amidst a land of great beauty our story takes place, and is just so short and sweet and.......asdfghhjk, look at the language!
Beauty and myst'ry, I love your use of myst'ry there. It just contributed that sense of medieval feeling to the poem and all your word choices are beautifully selected that maxed out your poem to its fullest. Ok yeah, I need to stop gushing about this poem.
Teach me how to write like you!! No seriously,write more. I want to read it.
-Laure
Thanks. About the tune- I wrote this after listening to "Three Hearts as One" by Malukah. Check it out; she writes and sings beautifully.