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Hey Stigma!

This story actually seems to be a little disappointing. There is not much personality to it. I get it that you want to have a more journalistic flair to it but... in my job where I have to rewrite journalistic articles, I can tell you that one of the most frequent request we get in the job is to make it more like a story. So, put some of your storytelling awesomeness in this!

The next thing is that the technology seems a bit old. Even in 2008, we could still do back ups and everything.

The next thing is, the commentary about the divine virtue by the company just doesn't make sense. No successful company (or even unsuccessful company) would ever do that. If they were going to be blatant about the religiousness in the program and state that the reason why the product failed was because of the lack of divine virtue, then it is likely that this can be a SELLING POINT instead! After all. You can sell it to the extreme religious crowds who want to make that their kids are saved. Huge selling point here!

Mind you, if that commentary of the company wasn't stated, this whole thing would make more sense, because then t he man would accidentally come across it. But then, you would have to change the ending because it wouldn't have that nice circular feeling that it seems like you want.

Then again, the ending is rather anticlimatic and boring. It doesn't really make an impact or leave a question or anything. It doesn't even say what crimes were committed. Nor is there any real mystery with Burnhart's actions. People disappear... it happens. If he was supposed to be a symbol of a messiah or whatever, it seems unlikely that the reader would see such a connection. The only reason why I came across it was because I was grasping at straws to try and make the story somewhat interesting for myself.

Anyway! The story needs to have more storytelling! Journalists are bugged constantly about writing a compelling story... follow this advice!