Cover art for The life Machine #2

The life Machine #2

by Stickles

Published July 11, 2024

18+ Violence

In The Story

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence.

Emily then woke up and looked at her finger which healed after surgery and realized she wasn't gonna wake up from this. She isn't gonna have something nice happen and wake up with everything she wants or at least thinks she wants. She doesn't have her father anymore, just some type of thing that leaches smiles to survive. She then looked around and thought about life and how it could be better because of her being gone. Her mother would live a happy life and divorce Gary, she could go achieve her dreams without anyone stopping her or any worry.

Emily then walked up to her life machine to shun the machine's name as she pulled down the lever choking at the idea and spoke.

“Death”

With that the machine beeps and boops and the machine powers down for good. Emily didn't care because she didn't need to. She wouldn't wake up to care, she wouldn't sleep to care, she would just die and everyone would be happy. She then laid down and waited for the end.

There was no room tonight, just her, the Knight, and the unicorn seen in the distance. The princess wasn't herself at that moment because she was full of greed and happiness. She needed the unicorn but wasn't able to get it.

“What happened?” The princess asked pain enveloping her head

“The unicorn kicked you in the head my lady and ran off”

“Why would he do that? We were destined in my dreams”

“Well dreams can just be dreams at points princess”

“No this was exposed to be reality I must go after that unicorn” The princess, as you may guess, was filled with rage. She ran and jumped on the Knight's horse, hitting it so it may ride toward the unicorn stranding the Knight to his doom. While yes the Knight may be grand and strong he never explained how he died. His death was at the hands of a unicorn and he only died because he let his horse leave him on this journey and to wander alone. The Knight died because he couldn't get home and starved, learning the lesson that not every good decision is a good decision but that's life.

The princess sped towards the fleeting unicorn until it slowly disappeared into the forest. The forest slowly lost the bright and vibrant hues of greens and blues and was replaced with dark and dirty colors of maroon and a roof of thatch and dead trees. At the end of it all the Knights horse took a wrong turn and booted the princess into a ditch leaving her to the forest's wishes. The unicorn was gone and the princess was close to it until she remembered her role in her line. She stood up with cuts and bruises covering her as well as some splinters covering her arms from the bush that broke her fall. She slowly moved out of the forest trying to return home knowing that adventuring wasn't for her and that sometimes the adventure isn't worth it. When she found her way out however she found something awful.

There wasn't noise but only darkness. Emily knew she was awake but she was scared to open her eyes. Would she remember herself when she opened her eyes to whatever lies beyond life? Would she be able to comprehend the answer to the meaning of life? She didn't know nor could she ever because when she gained the courage she found something else.

She found her room, the same one that she cried in, the same one she worked on stuff in, the same one she tried to control reality around her for her gain. Nothing was different, everything was the same color, and the wind still blew outside, the only difference was that it was quiet throughout the house. Emily stood up and walked to the machine that she left out because it wouldn't matter if she was dead. The machine was still and silent but then again so was the earth.

When she found her bearings and changed into her everyday clothes she looked at her machine. Well, she thought I guess the machine truly was broken and that everything that happened was just a trick. Emily then walked downstairs to find nothing and or no one she wondered if that was the machines doing but remembered that they were on vacation with each other. She grabbed herself some toast and walked to school which was easy because there wasn't any traffic. With that, however, she walked slowly to the school thinking more thoughts about the day or days before today and how they were weird but maybe could be answered in some way or another.

The only thing she couldn't answer was Martin's strange outburst and saying that he loved her. I mean I guess it makes sense Emily thought, she and him were inseparable and always had each other's backs even though love and hardship seemed to be two pieces of the same puzzle she then smiled at this and realized what her dad said when he said that guys are guys, he meant that people do things because they're people and that people are just what they wanna be, Emily was smart and Martin was a romantic. Maybe they would be the perfect weirdo couple. She smiled at this and looked up at this idea and figured out how to tell him that they could date and she figured that she loved him too. She then smiled looking at the clouds and thanked her father. Just as you said dad girls are girls.

“Guys are guys”

Emily then quickly turned towards the words to find no one there at all, just a mild breeze. That sounded like her father, her real one at this she sat down and thought and with that, she began to laugh. You're going crazy Emily that must be it, she thought as she stood up and walked to school. When she got there however it was empty of both people and cars. Emily did find this strange but again found that she did come to school early. She then walked up the steps and reached for the steps before she was interrupted by her favorite parasite and soon-to-be only parasite.

“Hey there Em '' Emily turned around and knew that he would understand her outburst cause he loved her and he knew better and she with a new mindset loved him and they'll live happily and together. She found nothing, however, just some leaves drifting in the wind. I couldn't understand what I saw, not because of my sanity going away and that I may be going crazy but that the leaves flying by were ones from pine trees although that one class assignment in elementary was to grow oak trees that now sit kindly next to the school like a forest.

Emily then walked toward the school's building to find that the door was locked. She was curious about this because they should be open by 5 am. The principal, who was the only person who had ever beaten Emily at that moment, decided to check her phone and found that it was Saturday and that she could go home. She laughed at her stupidity and again it was a quick walk home just like that day she got the life machine. She decided to go visit the place she found just to tell the funny woman about what the machine did and how it could be changed forever but she couldn't find the building. Not that she was lost of course it was a small town but the building seemed to vanish and be replaced with a graveyard. Or at least that is what it seemed to be because it was just a field of graves and behind or in front of their paths. Emily then remembered that the junkyard was bought out by some company to be used as a graveyard. Ya, that's right.

She then returned home and turned on some TV in her room to unwind and relax because no crazy person watches TV and remembers it. She then found that the TV was all static and that nothing was on. It was too early for sleep but Emily didn't see the problem with a nap and with that she did just that. She woke up in the nighttime and decided to sleep because she couldn't do anything in the dark and she'd already read all of her books and all of her manuals or whatever she liked. It's said that she loved to read so maybe she should have read instead of taking a nap but I'll do that next time.

The princess was standing there and she found something awful but where she knew wasn't important. This Knight fought bravely to save the princess but in the end, they both perished in that forest of unicorns or whatever. This story is like a cycle however and again there was a new princess. The new princess or the one that came to be known as Princess Vita took the throne after the original princess, Princess Aemilia was kidnapped by a Knight and her hubris. The people of the castle swiftly blamed Vita but after some convincing the castle settled with the idea of a crazed Knight.

One day Princess Vita went to the courtyard to find some Knights saluting away from her. That's odd. Shouldn't they be shouting at me? The princess then found the Knights pointing their sabers at Princess Vita but that couldn't be right and their strange movements were done by none other than a woman in pink. She had one arm, a destroyed pink gown, and the letters A and E carved into a golden helmet with some feathers on the top of it. What's she doing here? The one true princess Vita then called for her guards to eliminate the traitors and to capture this assassin. Princess Vita then found that retreating into her Knights was the best move and with that, she went into her tower atop the castle to grab the old princess's spyglass and watch the chase.

Princess Vita could imagine it now watching the assassin run down the courtyard and run as far as she could. Maybe the assassin worked for the wizard of intelligence and after a run down the road of knowing she would report back to her master at the tower of intelligence. Princess Vita then realized that it would be in vain because the wizard was gone, the Knight was still gone, the king and queen were gone, and every one the assassin knew was gone and with that Princess, Vita would reign supreme. She then stepped out and looked with the spyglass to watch as her calculated imagination would play out. What she found instead was wind and ground. Princess Vita was pushed out of the castle, out of her tower, and into the pavement below, the princess was dead and Emily finally knew it. Emily then quickly ran to the tower's bed and broke the life machine, she then looked around her as what she found was gone.

Emily then woke up, tears in her eyes as she was finally back, the terrible dream of everyone being gone was ended. The dream was too long and Emily wondered when she was truly asleep and if she ever woke up. Emily then teared up and ran down the stairs ready to welcome her stepfather into her arms, ya he wasn't her real father but he was real at all, a real person who loved him and not some figment like the machine made her believe.

She then found an empty house, she ran, the poor girl ran, she ran to the school, she broke down the glass doors bleeding as she did, she yelled out for her friends, she yelled out for her enemies. She yelled for help in the library, she yelled for help in the classroom but no one heard her because no one could. She then ran to the junkyard to find the strange woman just to find that the junkyard was replaced by a small bookstore and yelled for help there.

When she realized that no one was in the small town she ran out into the field seeing the next town over, maybe there would be people there, and maybe someone could help her there. She then slowed to a crawl as she fell to the ground, the glass found in her fist too painful for her to go on. She then decided to lay down praying that her wounds would be healed when she awoke although she knew they wouldn't. She accepted her fate as she slowly closed her eyes lying in the dirt field she saw a garden snail move past. Just like the snail, she would slowly die, painfully as her blood drained from her body she closed her eyes never to open them again.

She then woke up in her bed once more and screamed a silent shriek.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Iggy
Review
Iggy wrote a review Review · Sep 23, 2024

Hello Stickles! Nice to meet you! Dropping by to give a review and hopefully provide you with some helpful feedback :)

With all due respect, I believe that you are a young writer (which is what this site is here for, after all!) and I really don't want to overwhelm you by pointing out multiple things that I think you should work on, so I am going to focus on two or three of the most important things and then we will go from there. I do hope that you keep this feedback in mind, as it is given by a gentle hand. Do not get discouraged and please continue to keep writing, you will improve as time goes on.

With that said, here's one of the things I think you need to work on - pacing. This story is very fast-paced and there are a lot of things that are crammed together, leaving the reader with no time to breathe or take in what is happening. To be honest, I was confused for most of the story, because I really did not understand what was going on. In the beginning, I understood that Emily used the life machine to wish for death, but then she began chasing after a unicorn? Then went home and got ready for school. Did she even sleep in between that? Then it turned out to be a Saturday so she went back home and watched TV. Then fell asleep and had a nightmare. Then woke up and ran to the school, through town, and ended up dying on the lawn, only to wake up again. Did I get it all?

All of that itself is not bad at all, and has potential, but take your time when writing it all out. Don't have Emily rushing from one event to another. Set the scene and take your time describing it, draw the reader in with some imagery, give them time to soak in what is happening before you move on to the next impactful moment. The way you wrote this all out was very fast-paced and left the reader no time to realize what had just occurred, which lead to confusion and minimal reading comprehension.

Another thing I think you need to focus on - proofreading. I feel that this story was written very quickly and that you may have not read over it. Just as you should take your time writing it, you should also take your time reading over it to make sure it looks okay. You are obviously not going to find every grammatical mistake or make it pristine on the first go - that's why we are here to help you. But you can easily spot mistakes to fix if you just take a few minutes to glance over it at least once. For example, I saw some typos or some places where a word was missing and the sentence did not make grammatical sense. I also saw some places where you did not use a comma when you should have. Here are some examples:

Emily then woke up and looked at her finger which healed after surgery and realized she wasn't gonna wake up from this.


Here is how the sentence should read:

Emily woke up and looked at her finger, which had healed after the surgery, and realized she wasn't gonna wake up from this.


Emily then walked up to her life machine to shun the machine's name as she pulled down the lever choking at the idea and spoke.


Here is how the sentence should read:

Emily walked up to her life machine, to say(?) the machine's name as she pulled down the lever, choking on the idea. Then she spoke.


You will get better at this with time and practice, but it's just something to keep in mind as you continue to write. For now, just focus on making sure you are not making any typos or missing any words in your writing.

With that said, I do think you have potential and are very creative. This was a cool idea for a story and I thought it was really interesting! I especially liked the ending, with the "waking up from a dream within a dream" trope. It was not bad at all and if you continue to work on this, then I'm sure you'll have it ironed out in no time. I hope you keep writing. Best of luck!

~ Iggy

creeperfeverdreams wrote a review Review · Jul 29, 2024

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the mutated S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Emily decides that life would be better for everyone if she wasn’t in it, so she tells the life machine that she wishes to die. The life machine grants her wish, but then, she finds something rather sinister…

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I don’t know if you meant to say “leeches” for the father, but if not, then please ignore this.

Chocolate Bar - That ending…I loved the ending. :> Just when Emily realizes how important her life is, she’s trapped in a purgatory, reliving the same lonely day over and over again. The bookstore, too! I don’t know if it’s the same bookstore as the one in “Perspective”, but if it is, then that’s a fun cameo!

Closing Graham Cracker - If only Emily hadn’t asked for the one thing that the machine couldn’t change, then perhaps she would have her old life back. But perhaps she was destined to relive the same day, over and over and over again, never truly finding any rest in her life. The question is…was Jenny even human?

I wish you a lovely day/night!

Iggy replied · Sep 23, 2024

Who is Jenny? >_>

Jenny was a character in the first part of the story, the one who gave Emily the machine. ^v^



I would always rather be happy than dignified.
— Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre