You gave up to soon.
Stopped watching me grow.
That comfort you once gave,
The love you ceased to show.
You packed your things and went away.
Taking a piece of me with you.
Your love for me decided to fade.
I feel your absence now more then back then.
I feel a hole in me begin to deepen.
I won't admit that it hurts.
I can't begin to say how I feel.
Everyday this sadness in me,
Becomes more hard to deal.
Now you live as if I never did.
While I lay here with this void in me,
This corrupted mentality.
But as hard as I try,
Your face won't fade.
Every time I close my eyes there you are,
In my mind your close,
In reality your far.
The tears shed can not be counted.
Who will fill my void.
Every hope or chance of love for me
You have destroyed.
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139,444 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Fruity here!
Keep up the freaking amazing work!
Hey this was really a fantastic poem I couldn't find anything wrong with it. I think that it had a lot of emotion and depth, and the rhyme sceme helped make it interesting. You also used a lot of realky good vocabulary. Overall it was really good, your format was great, and you had a lot of depth. So fantastic!
Love, fruity! <3
This is good. I like the way you captured a lot of feeling, while still using a basic rhyme scheme. You might want to check your spelling; I found a few little mistakes, mostly with homophones. Also, you may want to change the title. The title suggests a third person point of view, but the poem is told in first person. It's not a big deal, but it may confuse people. You never know. Anyway, good job. I liked your phrasing and everything. I hope my review helps. Keep writing.
I think that you have written a really beautiful and emotive poem here. I am not sure what your meaning was in this poem but the way i interpreted it was that this person you are talking about is a very close family member, possibly your parents? Your poem is extremely captivating and so emotional. Truly beautiful, i like it
I know i am supposed to write some constructive critisism but i really love your poem and i honestly don't how you can improve it. Leave it as it is, i think it is perfect.