There are people around you who end up regretting the past and are concealing secrets they don't want to tell. They are the people who create vivid, fictional worlds from scraps of memories as a cover up of their secrets. Perhaps they are people you may know, like a friend or family member. Perhaps even you are one of these people and you don’t realize it until the moment comes.
There is the truth of the past that most people don’t really see. The truth, when forgotten and banished, can be refurbished into a sharper weapon, one that people can use against each other. It can break or create friendships. Tear down or rebuild invisible walls. It is the one thing that can keep hurting or healing people. It is both a burden and a promise.
It is the definition of karma and fate, intertwined into one object. One thing. One personification. And most people don’t see the work of it until the deed is done. It is a plague and a cure that taunts the minds of everyone, even when no one is willing to think of it.
A boy with uncertainty brewing, a girl who cares too much that she ends up pushing people away, and a man who is bored of his habits are wanting to escape their pasts. They end up coming to Harrisburg, a town with its own secrets and mysteries, to start anew and to refurbish their blades.
While you can try to hide from it, the past always finds a way of returning unexpectedly. Even if it happens in a different way.
End of chapter
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Hey Steggy, Wisteria here for a review! So first thing, even though you've posted this as a prologue, from experience I think this is more of an extended plot summary as opposed to an actual prologue. You can read more about it here.
Now, onto the actual content. To be honest, I really quite like what you have here. The premise is clear and the writing is compelling. If I'm honest, the plot is slightly cliche but I'm sure you can turn it into something refreshing and original. So in terms of actual content, I think neptune's already addressed the bulk of it so I'll focus a bit more on the technical details.
The use of 'false reality' here creates a sense of semantic ambiguity that kinda detracts from the crispness of your writing. In a way I know what you mean, it's the process in which people weave together a web of self deception and denial to shield themselves from the truth they don't want to confront. But, 'this false reality' as opposed to some of your other lines like,
appears to be a bit more clumsy in comparison.
Unfortunately, because this is a written text. As readers, we don't have the help of intonations to guide us to differ the two, and there hasn't been enough context in the previous paragraphs to draw a clear line of distinction between the two. So...I'm not really sure what the first 'the truth' and the second 'the truth' is referring to. But what I'm getting is that the first is a false replica of the second one, perhaps you might like to expand these two or go into further detail? It might clear out some of confusion and make for smoother connection between ideas.
Kudos to you. I really liked this. It instantly makes your story much more relatable by addressing the readers, because let's face it we've all denied something in the past. It's only human to do so.
And the last sentence, as overused as it is. It's a good hooker, and I have no complaints for it. This brings me to the end of my review, I hope you've found this review helpful and as always take it with a grain of salt. If you've got any questions, feel free to comment or send me a message.
p.s: pls tag me when your next chapter comes out, I'd love to read it.
-Wisteria
Steggggyyyyy! Scarli here to review your work today!
Ooooooooh. I like this concept. I like how you toss in a little narrator-personal theory, then gives us the main characters and then you throw a little foreshadowing in there to spice it up. Love that last part! I felt it was a little slow to get to the point, but I think that was by design? Either way, it sounds like a very interesting story. I look forward to reading more, but probably not in this perspective. XD
Now, onto the rest of the review!
I noticed that this line was very wordy for me to read and kinda long. And also a little awkward. To me, anyway. Is there any way you could alter this so it's less awkward and less wordy?
Other than that, I can't really find much to fault in this? As it's a prologue and pretty short (despite being so packed with information and not in an info-dumpy way), there's not really much to nitpick at? Like, I can't really look at your pacing or the plot or the characters cause there isn't really any? No character specific perspectives anyways. Hmm. Again, I really like this concept and I'm very interested to see how you turn this little snippet of a prologue into a fully-fledged novel. I'm afraid this isn't much of a review, so I'll just leave it at that and leave you with one more little comment. ^^
Really, really, REALLY like this last line. So. Much. Foreshadowing. It's great. I'd quote more but really, there's too many good lines to quote. Have fun with this one, Stegs!
As always, I hope this helps. And remember; keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scarlett.
Hey Steggy. I’ll be reviewing this piece for you today! Hopefully you’ll find it helpful in the slightest bit.
When I first skimmed my eyes over the body of this, I doubted it would have much context considering how small it was. But, length can fool you and it surely fooled me! For a prologue this was an adequate length, and I actually admired your way of writing it. The way you focused on main themes was very intriguing -- considering the concepts of staying true and keeping secrets. These topics have always fascinated me and I’m excited for what’s to come of this novel! That being said, I have a couple of things to mention.
This whole paragraph (the third one) I notice was directed towards the audience and I’m pretty sure this was intended but I don’t know how I feel about this? The sudden shift of direction is good interaction with the reader -- and makes it more personal -- but other than that I’m not sure what the benefits are? I like it and I don’t like it. I don’t know.
I know you want to keep the details slightly hidden for now, but the way this is written seems a little blunt and straightforward. I feel like it could be incorporated into the rest of the sentence a little better, in order to enhance the blurb of the story.
It was kind of a shame that this popped out of the blue. The theme you are working with is truths, and after reading this part I really think you could move into this paragraph with something that will slowly guide into the story line. We are reading about the theme, and obviously it’ll play a major role in the book, but the blurb has nothing incorporated about it? It doesn’t fit with the rest of the prologue?
This was a hooking sentence for the ending, which I liked. It felt a little cliche to me, though. For me it was the “when you least expect it” part. I’ve heard that in many movies, books, etc. It’s hackneyed. Although it’s perfect for this sentence in particular, especially for a hook like this, I would suggest some sort of alternative just to stay original and creative.
I love this sentence! So detailed and really sticks. I love how you go into depth about every little thing. It really leaves the reader wanting to know more. So, as far as leaving me hooked -- you’ve done it!
Although this didn’t give much background context, I like the amount of it you have offered. It definitely isn't packed full with book regarding information like a Star Wars movie might have, but it seemed like a standard prologue. It could use a little more, like something about their relationships, etc. How they grow as people? How they are all related to one another? I wouldn’t say much more detail is needed, though. I suppose we’ll find this out in the future, too!
Anyway, I am so excited for this! I hope this helped a little. I don’t write novels so this review might be a little rusty. If you have any questions, please do ask. Please tag me for coming chapters, I can’t wait to read more.
(Hopefully this will get me reading + reviewing regularly, haha)