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Young Writers Society



Just a Poem

by StarDuster


Moonlit Waltz

Waltzing a tap dance
In a garden
Made of moon-gleam
Leaves of silver
Wind-swept hair
A single tear
Glistening as it falls
To frosted ground
Dancing alone
With uncertain steps
Unknowing audience
Trees swaying
A secret whispered
On the wind

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40 Reviews

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Reviews: 40

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Thu Aug 28, 2008 8:34 pm
StarDuster says...



thank you everyone!




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30 Reviews

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Thu Aug 28, 2008 6:31 pm
Dark Star wrote a review...



great poem. nice, easy but powerful and full of imagery. one can feel different emotions while reading this peice. its light reading for the light hearted and free spirited. it also has a myterious feel to it. kind of like a secret. great peice i wouldnt change a thing. every time read again it just gets better. keep it up !!!! awesome job!




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Points: 890
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Wed Aug 27, 2008 8:55 pm
Mallyboomer wrote a review...



Very nice...
I like the simplicity of it, and it does get a definite emotion across.

I agree with Demeter with at least the word "Unknown" isn't quite right here, but I think "uncertain" might still be okay.
My only real qualm with this:

Waltzing a tap dance

a waltz is a nice slow dance, so that word fits nicely in the context, however... a tap dance is almost too happy a dance for the mood you are setting... They are also two very different dances, so if you were going for a bit of paradox, then by all means keep it that way.
Just my thoughts, definitely good work on your part!




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Wed Aug 27, 2008 5:46 pm
Demeter wrote a review...



Oh, how beautiful! Really, I liked this very much, even though it was such a short piece. There is a little melancholic atmosphere and pretty imagery, which I like much.


Waltzing a tap dance


This is a little funny and contradictory, but I'm almost sure that it's how you meant it to be.


uncertain


Unknowing


These words don't fit in the poem, so I suggest you replace them with other words.

You should also perhaps use some punctuation.

Other than these things, great job! Welcome to YWS, by the way :D

(This was my 700th post and 230th review, so feel special, haha)


Demeter xxx





"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
— Albus Dumbledore