The music

by StarDuster

Published October 4, 2008

In Outer Space

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The music,
A simple vibration
Of string
Like wind
Cutting through earth
And mountains
Rising tall;
A caress around
My ears
And a grip around
My neck.
The voice,
A simple vibration
Of cord
Like honey
Melting on a
Warm sunny day
And sugar
Dissolving in tea.
The dance,
A simple vibration
Of feet
Like thunder
On a stormy day
And leaves
Floating off trees.
The feeling,
A strong vibration
Of heart
Like a bright light
After dark;
Falling into love.
The music
Of the world...


**StarDuster**

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
StolenHearts.
Review
StolenHearts. wrote a review Review · Oct 6, 2008

Hello there StarDuster,

I'd like to say well done on this piece, it speaks to me. I love how you describe it, every sense detailed. I love music and found this to be true, it is like a vibration. Making you want to dance and sing, I always get feeling from music i listen to. The poem had a good rhythm and flowed smoothly.

Glad i took my time to read your superb piece, i look forward to seeing other works you come up with.

With all due respect,

Mackenzie

User avatar
Kiss of life
Review
Kiss of life wrote a review Review · Oct 6, 2008

This is pretty good :D I like the way that you tried to make us hear the "music". Also it was very interesting. The way that you made it almost alive and the way that you used similies and metaphors and the way you compared and contrasted it was very good. Also it was like almost one whole stansa but short sentences, but not really sentences. Do you see what I am saying? Very good. :D Keep working!

User avatar
StarDuster
Comment
StarDuster commented Comment · Oct 5, 2008

I actually had a different line there... it was "cutting through trees" but then I used trees further down in the poem. I had no idea what to change that line to, so if you have any ideas, I'd appreciate it. I, too, didn't like "cutting through earth" but I had to put something there and that was the first thing that popped into my mind.

Thanks for all the comments! I really appreciate it! :D

User avatar
chichi
Review
chichi wrote a review Review · Oct 5, 2008

This is very good. It is simple but not lacking. I'm not sure about this line, though:

Cutting through earth


Most musical sounds cannot do this. Almost all cannot do this. Yeah, yeah, it's poetic license, but this seems a little too... dramatic for any musical sounds. I realise you're focusing on vibrations, but I think this is a little overboard.

I love this especially because I am a musical person myself! It's really great.

User avatar
lordgluzman
Comment
lordgluzman commented Comment · Oct 5, 2008

I really enjoyed you song.That was the true meaning of music. That could even become a song its self.If you play on an instrument make a melody for this poem. Godd job

User avatar
Kaylyn
Comment
Kaylyn commented Comment · Oct 5, 2008

Amazing! One of my friends also wrote on the sound of music. I liked the flow of your poem. But of course eberyone had different opinions...
Keep up the poetry. I am still trying to write a decent one ...
Anyways good luck and keep writing!!



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