Interview between Rowan and {REDACTED}. January 13, 2003. Ravens Night coffee shop.
Rowan-Please state your name sir.
{REDACTED}-Oh, oh yes...My name is {REDACTED}.
Rowan-Alright, please tell me what happened.
[CLINK]
{REDACTED}-Thank you…I don't even know where to start. It...It just sounds made up.
Rowan-Just start at the beginning.
{REDACTED}-Okay...It started after the accident.
Rowan-The accident?
{REDACTED}-Yes, me and my wife... we were driving and we hit some black ice. It spun out of control. The nurses said we hit a tree, and that a hunter found us in the forest, and called for an ambulance. Apparently I took the brunt of the crash. She...it, only walked away with some scratches, and some broken fingers. I broke my arm, and blacked out.But...do you know what's weird? I swear, before I fell unconscious, I saw her. She wasn't just scratched...no. She was bleeding, her head was against the dashboard... Next thing I know, I'm lying in some hospital bed with a cast, and soon some nurse tells me I'm free to go. So, I leave and go to the front with my wife. She was paying for our stay and getting a lift. It was quiet on our way back home, and she was acting strange, but I just chocked that up to, well, surviving a car crash. But then days passed, and it was like she was a stranger, attempting to act in someone else's life. She forgot where we kept our umbrellas during a rain storm, forgot her coffee order, forgot her own mother's birthday.And, she keeps standing in our son's doorway. Sometimes I'll wake up, at like 3am, and her side of the bed will be empty. Then I'll find her looking at our son, but she's calling him the wrong names. And, I do mean, names. It's like she's going through some unorganized name book. Our son's name is Jason, but she's called him Allen, John, Michael...And, so much more.Just yesterday, she called him Aiden, and tried to feed him some cheese, which I had gotten for myself.Jason is lactose-intolerant.
Rowan-In your email, you said you were scared, worried she would hurt you.
{REDACTED}-Yes, she's grown irritable, snapping at me, throwing things. She was washing dishes after I made dinner, and she was washing a knife. She walked away from the sink...towards me, I turned to look at her.I swear, it was like I was looking at a new woman, a woman that looked like my wife, but wasn't. Her hair hung limp, and dead, her skin looked porcelain and wrong, and her eyes...Oh god, her eyes. They were reflective like mirrors, and swear, her pupils were slits, like a cat's. I asked her what she was doing, but she just laughed and walked back towards the sink. Continuing as if nothing happened. So, yeah. I'm scared, not only for me, but for Jason. She's grown overprotective of him. It started small, pulling him out of afterschool activities, playdates, and stopped leaving him with a babysitter. But, now? She makes me get all the groceries, instead of the swapping routine we had. And, along with everything else she’s forgotten, she’s forgotten basic human care.
Rowan-What do you mean?
{REDACTED}-She forgot he had to eat regularly. I came home from an 18 hour shift at the hospital, there was a piled car crash on the freeway. She was lying on the floor with him, locking him in a hug, he was squirming, tears stained his face. I woke her up and she reluctantly let go. Jason jumped into my arms and asked if he could eat now. When I asked what he meant, he said he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Of course, I freaked out at my wife, but she just stared into my soul, not angry, not remorseful, just calculating.
Rowan-Have you gotten her tested for any mental disorders, or maybe memory problems?{REDACTED}-No. But, I have tried. She won't leave the house. Won't leave Jason. And, she'd started to scare him. It broke my heart to leave today. I saw him crying, reaching for me through the window, before she took him away again. You know how I left? I told her I was visiting my old college friend Mark. She told me to say hi to him for her, and how she misses hanging out with him. We don't have a friend called Mark.
Rowan-I have a question.
{REDACTED}-Go for it.
Rowan-Did you notice anything odd before the accident?
{REDACTED}-There was this woman... She would wander the neighborhood, watching our son play in the yard. We called the cops after she managed to find his school. I think we scared her off. Why?
Rowan-No reason. Anything else to add?
{REDACTED}-No. Do you have an answer? Are you going to help me?
Rowan-Goodbye sir, I wish you and your family the best.
{REDACTED}-Wait! The person on the phone said you could help. WHY AREN"T YOU HEL-
(END NOTES)Rowan- After the interview, {REDACTED} grew angry and spilled my coffee. A phone call came in this morning asking us to remove her husband's name.Not enough sufficient evidence was shown nor found. No aid was distributed.
Brooks-You know, Rowan you could act a little nicer.
Rowan-This is a job. I was neither kind, nor rude, I think I did pretty well.
Brooks-Whatever. Shame what happened to his wife though...
Rowan-We don't know if anything happened.
Jamie-Rowan, you, I, Brooks, logic, and God himself know something happened.
Rowan-We can’t prove anything.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
This work will have multiple chapters.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the morbid S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - A man tells a Detective named Rowan about how after a car crash, his wife started acting different, so much so that he doesn’t even think that it’s really her. He wants Rowan to help, but Rowan doesn’t have an answer, which understandably makes him mad, but I’m sure Rowan will get back to the case at some point. There just has to be important work done.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - There are instances where a period is close to a word, but that is just one little thing.
Chocolate Bar - Whoa…whoa. This creeped me out a little. My favorite part about this whole chapter is how the “wife” doesn’t seem to be like herself, but it’s in more subtle ways, like calling Jason different names and trying to give him cheese. Maybe she forgot, maybe she never knew or maybe…”she” was trying to kill him. Small details like that make it scarier.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a really scary chapter! I’m going to read chapter two tomorrow. I wonder if we’ll ever hear about the “wife” again or if this is just an anthology-type story, but whatever comes, I’ll be sure to check it out! I have a theory that the odd woman from before wasn’t even the real woman but the monster pretending to be her. I’m not sure if that’s right, but I will wait and see…
I wish you a marvelous day/night! ^v^
Hey SpaceSailor! This is Alex, dropping off a review. I see you've recently joined and I believe this is the best way to warmly welcome you to the YWS community. So let's get analysing!
Love the simplicity of the title. It's like the things you write to label confession tapes, how peculiar! There's also a definitive tone to it, contrasting to the man's doubts about this woman being her wife and Rowan's dismissal of the man's suspicious claims. Intriguing indeed.
The first thing that caught my eye was the man's name being hidden. Like he's just a case study and thus his identity is being kept secret. So odd, but hooks the reader instantly.
Did you mean 'chalked'? Just a typo, nothing some editing couldn't fix. Go can find it under the 'edit work' option when you click the 'publishing center.
Oh my! It turned from wierd scary to murderous horror real quick. I wonder if that was intentional and where the story could be headed now.
Impeccable phrasing. But I think adding some adjective to the second sentence could help enhance impact. Maybe something like 'her stone-cold' or 'empty black' eyes? Something original would also work but I just think it'd be easier for the reader if you could elaborate on exactly what quality of those eyes terrified the man so much.
Whoa! Such a dead giveaway. That's some fabulous delivery, though. I could see it coming from a distance, but it's a classic for a reason. Even executing existing literary tactics successfully is no easy feat.
Hmm.. I think this could be rearranged. Perhaps move Rowan to the back as he appears twice in an unnecessarily manner in the present structure. Here's the suggested rephrase-
You, I, Brooks, logic, and God himself know something happened, Rowan.
Or maybe something like-
You've got to be kidding me, Rowan. You, I, Brooks, logic, and God himself know something happened.
But I wouldn't go as far as to say there's anything objectively wrong with the current form so you're free to keep it if you like! I've just given you am alternative to choose from, there's no compulsion to use it whatsoever.
Personally, I think passive tense would work better here. One reason would be that Rowan isn't the one trying to prove- it's the man. But yes, Rowan can't be sure. So how about we keep the narrative general with a phrasing such as the following -
Nothing can be proven yet OR We can't say/know anything for sure yet.
Overall, this is extremely well written for your first piece. The plot is intriguing but I felt it's also painfully obvious. I think if the woman's strange behaviour would've been kept a little subtle, the story could've invited even more of the reader's curiousity. We even have a suspect- the nosy woman. The only mystery that troubles is how did she change bodies, where's the wife, and why is Rowan intentionally turning a blind eye to something so obvious? Is he connected in all this somehow? I'm eager to read the upcoming chapters and find out! But for now, this shall be all. It has been an engaging read so far, it was my pleasure to review it for you.
I really enjoyed reading this. I am a big fan of horror and this was right up my alley.
The writing of the unknown guy's dialouge is really good, it's emotive without being dramatic and unrealistic. The pacing of his speaking is what did it I think. The descriptions of the wife were really good "not angry, not remorseful, just calculating."
"Her hair hung limp, and dead, her skin looked porcelain and wrong, and her eyes...Oh god, her eyes. They were reflective like mirrors, and swear, her pupils were slits, like a cat's."
and "locking him in a hug, he was squirming, tears stained his face." were some very good lines. The ending also adds a bit of heart break which is the cherry on top.
If you put in some descriptions of the character's voice like the accent, pitch etc I think that would help the reader get a better understanding of what they should be imagining and I don't think it would harm any ambiguity. You wouldn't have to add any description of the emotions of the character, the writing makes their emotions very clear. Good job!
Thank you!
I wrote it like a recording similiar to the way World War Z was written. I have a tumblr with the same username, and that's where I post drawings of the characters. And, there will be more info later on.
But heres some info.
Brooks has a southern accent
Rowan has a nigerian accent.
Jamie has a mixture of brooklyn and old timey accent.
Thanks for reading