Will of Kastha:
Date Rensith 204, 25659
Dear Readers,
My name is Eirlys Kastha, age twenty five, and beside me is my twin brother, Endellion. We live in the city, Burakkutaizu, which we rebuilt after it had been left for ruin by a man upon the massacre of our ancestors. The instigator of this action is still alive and we've made it our duty to end him in order to bring peace and closure for all those he's deceived.
Together we shall write down our path to the truth in order for the future rebels of his control may know of our battles and the power in which they are facing. Endellion has placed various protections upon the book to keep the treasonous information from falling into enemy hands.
In order to tell the story we shall be weaving, you must first understand the world we live in and about us as well. To start off we live in the world called, Mundo Del Sangre, where all people must follow the basic instincts of survival. Most people here live on their own and fight only for themselves, even families. There are rare ones, blood relations or no, who gather together and trust each other enough to survive. Still, from an early age we must fight to live and the stranger you are the more likely someone will come at you.
The man we are so determined to overthrow is named Ryukan and for hundreds of years of dark tampering with his own body and others has seeked the power held within a certain family. Due to the obsession for complete dominance over all those in Sangre he has started a violent and dark stained killing spree in search for this power.
My brother and I have joined with other survivors of his spree and gained power in order to fight him. In a week's time we shall depart from our village to fight him once and for all. But our story must be told and I believe the story truly begins the day we found her, the first person to show us kindness. The day had began like any other day when waking up at the orphanage in Hanging Rod.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Greetings. As I have read your prologue, I am here to review the first chapter.
And let me begin. Once again, I like your style, however... WHOA! Information overload. This would be more suited as a prologue, not the prologue itself.
Also, I realize this is designed specifically to give information, but perhaps this qualifies as too much information?
Also, there's not the vaguest hint of description.
And, since this is a teaser, what about a teaser ending? Along the lines of 'the other day when... nevermind, I'll tell you too much this way.
Infuriatingly tantalizing, huh? Rick Riordan does it extremely well in his 'The Kane Chronicles' series.
Hope this helped,
yours truly