Text:
we bought black plums
to eat on the back porch with
the shadow of the ginkgo tree
cast over our heads
the tree that
my landlord tried to kill
with an ax to the trunk
this winter
"first stone fruit of the season"
my lover says
and the flesh of the plums tastes sweet
through the sour skin snap on my
teeth and the ginkgo,
unbothered,
is growing new leaves.
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140,258 Literary Works • 673,074 Reviews
Lovely.
thanks so much, @alliyah <3
Hey Sonder,
It's always a pleasure to see old poets come back to the site and you're no exception. I rarely write reviews anymore so I couldn't resist this piece.
It's so deliciously delightful, your voice has definitely matured a lot since your younger years here and it shows itself in the sharpness and succinctness of your imagery and language. Even the way you truncate each sentence adds a particular punch to the poem, much like the sourness of the plum, your choice of punctuation in places like in these three lines poses such a nice separation but draws a parallel between the black plum and the gingko.
i love how everyday this poem is, the subject is so accessible and so relatable yet so effortlessly poetic at the same time. there is this sense of ease and hopefulness that is weaved throughout the poem, especially with lines like
that contrasts so nicely against the
,
there are lots of nice dualities you've used throughout the poem, sweet and sour, the gorgeous sonal alignment of 'black' and 'back' here
.
It's such a damn pleasure to read. I don't have any bones to pick with this poem, I just adore it and hope you know it too. It's beautifully written <3. I love the mundane that has been made magical through a poetic lens and you've done just that, everyday magic fits this poem quite well.
I hope we see more of our writing here
-Apri (or Flite! Which you might know me better as)
Oh my gosh, hi!! So many people have changed their names, so I'm still figuring out who is who. Great to see you <3 Thank you so much for this sweet review. ;-; I really appreciate it. I've been on a longggg hiatus from both YWS and writing so this poem was really refreshing to write and post. I'm so glad you liked it, and I hope to write more soon.
You had me at ginkgo. <3
I love all of it, but especially the last three lines.
Thank you!
Obsessed, I love everything about this
thank youuuu!
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
Overall, I found this to be a very lovely and reflective poem. It gave me a huge sense of looking g back at the path and I felt like I was watching a replay of a nice afternoon.
I love this. It isn't complicated. it is simple and beautiful and calm. it matched the mood of what you are describing so well- that is something i really admire in your poetry and in this piece as a whole.
I searched up some pictures of ginko trees and they are beautiful as well.
i love this transition:
the idea of sitting a tree that was supposed to be cut down is a very lovely thing to think about. in my mind, this can be symbolic of so much more. everything you have right now could have been cut down as well, but it is still standing and it is still present and it is still important to you. i love this!! how beautiful!
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
I would love to see some more physical description. what does the tree look like? are the leaves falling? is the breeze cold? where are you sitting and how do you feel? overall, though, this was incredibly well done and i loved the simplicity but depth that it made me feel. i hope you can tag me in more poetry!!
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
I loved how this poem has two stanzas that parallel each other. i loved how you went back to the basics at the end of the poem and restated the tree, the unbothered tree that is still standing. such a beautiful and meaningful poem. bravo!!
Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
Thanks for sharing this! It was a very pleasant poem to read. overall, i love your poetry! amazing work!
your friend,
Ellie Mae
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!
hi Ellie, thanks for your review! i appreciate your feedback!
Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind if I pop in here with a review. Firstly I want to say this might not be my most in-depth review both in part because I feel it is pretty polished and since it is on the shorter side. I also have to ask if this is based on personal experience as this whole thing does paint such a vivid picture. Details are a great way to make a poem more personal and impactful something that is done here to a wonderful effect. However, I do have something I would personally tweak ( I am not a pro and you don't need to if you don't want to )
" through the sour skin snap on my" To me, there's something slightly off about the phrasing perhaps something like " though the sour skin snaps on my" It's not perfect and something more fitting could pop up if you play around with it. I just feel like through was tripping up the flow.
Overall it is a very clean and beautifully concise piece I enjoyed. Keep it up, stay creative and drink water!
hi moonlily, thanks for your review. i appreciate your feedback! yes, this was an experience from this weekend.
the tree is important to me, and it is really lovely to see it growing leaves again, even though it was injured this winter.
thanks again!