I think "Where did I go wrong?
What did I do to deserve this?
What did I do for you to leave me behind?"
Like I am nothing,
I go away,
With a single blow,
A single gust of wind.
Now I'm gone,
But no difference it makes
I try to talk to you,
Help you,
Be friends with you,
But you blow me away,
Sending me with the flowing rhythm of the wind.
Afterwords you talk to others,
Like nothing happened.
You proceed to laugh with them,
Joke with them,
While in the wind... I notice something.
It does not matter if I'm there or not,
The same events will take place.
My existence makes no difference.
I haven't, nor will i change anyones lives.
I bet you would rather have another,
Then leave them perhaps?
We had a good run though.
Then you started to leave me.
Leave me with nothing,
No friends, no family, no reasons to live.
Now when i'm near you,
i'm nothing but a lifeless body.
If it would not be for me socializing with others,
Then no-one would even notice me there.
Nothing but a lifeless, broken soul,
Left behind.
Stuck in the never-ending rhythm of the wind.
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139,786 Literary Works • 672,768 Reviews
Snorlaxes can't be blown away...
Great job, Simon(:
Thank you :3 could not do it without you %uFF08%uFF3E%u03C9%uFF3E%uFF09
Ugh i tryed to put a face but saidy, it did not work.
Nah, all I did was help with flow of the poem, the words were all you(:
No but it still would not be as good without you
Shoutout to SecreteJournalist for helping me revise it!
This is a beautiful poem. It touches my soul. It is very heartcrushing. Your choice of words, your line structure and vocab was very well done.
here is a tip- poems do not need to be gramatically correct. The poem would be better if you took out all the periods and commas.
it would make the poetry seem more like poetry.
just some advice. All in all great poem. Keep writing.
- InuRa
Thanks for the advice :3
Beautifully painful. Your rhythm was good; it flowed with ease. The wind was great use of imagery.
The only thing I would change...
If you removed the word "then" in both places, it would improve both the overall flow and avoid unnecessary repetition.
Overall it's a beautiful poem.
Thank you very much! I think i will change that