Young Writers Society

Because breaking the RevMo bar is apparently cool I am totally here to review this!

Kind of. Alright, let's go -

Line one: These two words are very simple but I love the 'found poetry' thing you have goin g on here and I'm immediately thinking this could be on a sign outside a house. You could totally put this on one of those for sale signs and then stick it in someone's garden and then you'd have both poetry and art!

Line two: Oooh, shock, horror baby parts! Even these two lines on their own would be enough to be deadly.

Lines three and four: Aww it's so sad! The brevity of the lines is really cutting and it definitely has strong emotion.

More seriously...

I'm familiar with the reference and I think it's fun but to really in keep with the style maybe it should have been 'Baby lungs/ Never used' or 'Baby lungs/ Used once'? Or maybe that's too much thinking for one of those 'here's something you should be thinking about' pieces.

Anyway, one review closer to catching up with you. Oh yeah.

Yes I'm seriously counting this (though not without some modicum of guilt I promise you) so there :p

oh this

Excuse this review, comment, whatever, but oh my god. This.. this is the stuff. It's like the "For Sale, Baby shoes, Never used" thing but more morbid. Grotesque, even. I can't even - I don't know where to begin when I look at your work. It's just that good. Not good, but amazing.

As for spelling/grammar, I really shouldn't nitpick here. The incomplete sentences are there for a reason, to emphasize the point. Am I right here, or not?

Other than that, amazing work. Good job! :3 I plan on hearing more!

Um, wow? I read this, and... I had to really stop and think while reading the below reviews.
No, this isn't a review.

I just really love how you captured something so... revolting (to me at least) so simply.

~Ruro~

Now That's What I Call Topical ©

I'm mad at you for making me remember that maudlin story, though. I swear it's posted in every thread the internet has ever produced. Hemingway is the most overrated writer of the 20th century.

Hey, Grandmaster Snoik!

This is just a comment to say- Wow! You literally gave new meaning to the term Short Story. I mean... Nine words... There should actually be a discount on the price to publish under a certain amount of words.

Also, that is really awful. How can people do such a thing, and not die of guilt?

Anyway... Great seeing you, grandmaster Snoik!

I got the reference to the original strait away. A bit more macabre and less subtle but that makes it good. Besides I don’t think you can pick any faults with such a short work. Have you seen the forum for Stories in 6 words?
Story in Six Words
I like that you haven’t constrained your self to the six words but have still kept it short.
Oh and I agree with putting it in short stories, the idea is to tell a story is as few works as possible.

Hello! Authorian here for a review ~
My first impression of this was, definetely, freaky. It perfectly captures a creepy and blunt feel. Although, I feel like this would go better in poetry. Maybe it's just me.
On the third line, I think you forgot a perioud at the end.
Never used, that line really makes this. How are baby parts never used? I don't even know, nor do I know if I want to know. Creepy.
Then I read the genre.
Realistic? Culture? Maybe sort of, but it only adds to the foreboding feel of this post. It definetely lives up to what it adverised. Nine words, morbid... But the genre selection sold it. Whether or not it was intentional. I don't even know which way would be stranger.
Overall, a very interesting piece that pulls the morbid feel all the way through perfectly.
Authorian~~

Hey! I'm here to review.

First of all, I just want to tell you how sad I'm feeling right now. This is just so true, the part where baby parts are sold. I seriously don't understand why they need to be like that. I mean, I can understand if he is alive (then it would be called as human trafficking, I guess) he would be more useful. However, the third and fourth lines indicate he isn't breathing because his set of lungs are never used.

Maybe I miss something here. Maybe they're just cannibalistic people who crave baby meats or what not. Maybe they need the lungs to replace the broken ones their baby has. Whatever it is, this is a human we're talking about, and he's not for sale. He isn't like the goods that have no freedom for themselves. He's an innocent child that needs to be taken care of properly.

My only suggestion is that perhaps you can put in others' perspectives (his parents, the seller, the people who buy, etc.) so that more understanding can be made with this issue. Overall, I think this is a short story which is also a poem (one can choose either one) that can capture one's interest not in spite the lack of words, but because of it. Good job!

Well, that was simple. Quite amusing actually . Opening this document was a bit of a surprise. Most authors here write long, continuous stories. Making it absolutely evident that they intend to get the most out of their coins. Not you, you took "short story" to heart and looked beyond the normal response. In fact I find your literal take on the matter refreshing. For organizational purposes, I am going to make this a proooos and coooons list.

Pros In this piece, you took the litteral meaning of a topic and thought outside the box. Even though the first glance can be decieving, it is actually impressive. I understand the depressing message you are trying to deliver, but your simple approach lightens the mood. It makes writers question the meaning and search for their own interpretation of it.

Cons Obviously, more could have been added to lengthen the "short story." But I believe the humor and irony of "Short Story" is wonderful. And the contradicting simple vs. complex approach to the obvious issue is enough to get the appropriate response from your readers. That's enough cons though.

Overall, I believe this was a perfectly meaningful post that makes it easy for people, like myself, to ramble on and make their own conspiereceis about it. Weeeell Doooone!

~While I have your attention, I would like to encourage you to keep posting. I believe we need more of these silly, interesting posts around here. And I would obviously love to read more of your work!

The End