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2631 Reviews

Points: 6235
Reviews: 2631

Wed Sep 30, 2015 10:45 pm
Rydia wrote a review...

Because breaking the RevMo bar is apparently cool I am totally here to review this!

Kind of. Alright, let's go -

Line one: These two words are very simple but I love the 'found poetry' thing you have goin g on here and I'm immediately thinking this could be on a sign outside a house. You could totally put this on one of those for sale signs and then stick it in someone's garden and then you'd have both poetry and art!

Line two: Oooh, shock, horror baby parts! Even these two lines on their own would be enough to be deadly.

Lines three and four: Aww it's so sad! The brevity of the lines is really cutting and it definitely has strong emotion.

More seriously...

I'm familiar with the reference and I think it's fun but to really in keep with the style maybe it should have been 'Baby lungs/ Never used' or 'Baby lungs/ Used once'? Or maybe that's too much thinking for one of those 'here's something you should be thinking about' pieces.

Anyway, one review closer to catching up with you. Oh yeah.

Yes I'm seriously counting this (though not without some modicum of guilt I promise you) so there :p

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78 Reviews

Points: 517
Reviews: 78

Mon Jul 20, 2015 7:05 pm
Hadj says...

oh this

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25 Reviews

Points: 270
Reviews: 25

Sun Jul 19, 2015 7:10 pm
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ThatAndalite wrote a review...

Excuse this review, comment, whatever, but oh my god. This.. this is the stuff. It's like the "For Sale, Baby shoes, Never used" thing but more morbid. Grotesque, even. I can't even - I don't know where to begin when I look at your work. It's just that good. Not good, but amazing.

As for spelling/grammar, I really shouldn't nitpick here. The incomplete sentences are there for a reason, to emphasize the point. Am I right here, or not?

Other than that, amazing work. Good job! :3 I plan on hearing more!

Snoink says...

Thanks for your thoughts! I really appreciate it. :) I'm glad you got the reference at once! You can nitpick on the grammar and spelling if you want! Truthfully, I debated back and forth on that for probably longer than necessary.

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160 Reviews

Points: 246
Reviews: 160

Sat Jul 18, 2015 2:04 am
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Rurouni says...

Um, wow? I read this, and... I had to really stop and think while reading the below reviews.
No, this isn't a review.

I just really love how you captured something so... revolting (to me at least) so simply.


Snoink says...

Thanks for the comment! I'm glad that it made you stop and think. That was the intention of the piece! :)

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155 Reviews

Points: 1618
Reviews: 155

Fri Jul 17, 2015 9:45 pm
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Prokaryote says...

Now That's What I Call Topical ©

I'm mad at you for making me remember that maudlin story, though. I swear it's posted in every thread the internet has ever produced. Hemingway is the most overrated writer of the 20th century.

Snoink says...

My husband and I were talking about that short story by Hemingway, actually... we agreed that the reason why the baby never wore those shoes was because it was summertime and the baby always kicked the stupid things off. I don't think Mary has ever worn shoes in her life... even though people have given us some.

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62 Reviews

Points: 911
Reviews: 62

Fri Jul 17, 2015 9:33 pm
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ThePatchworkPilgrims says...

Hey, Grandmaster Snoik!

This is just a comment to say- Wow! You literally gave new meaning to the term Short Story. I mean... Nine words... There should actually be a discount on the price to publish under a certain amount of words.

Also, that is really awful. How can people do such a thing, and not die of guilt?

Anyway... Great seeing you, grandmaster Snoik!

Snoink says...

Haha! That's okay. If I want more points, I can do more reviews! :)

And I don't know how people can do such things! Or, I do because I'm human and I understand that we are weak creatures who do things because we are weak, but I'm still upset by the whole thing. But, what can I do but write about it? Well... that and make cartoons about it, complete with a lengthy blog entry about a scientist's role in abortion ethics. :?

I don't know. The beautiful thing about art is that you can say what needs to be said.

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77 Reviews

Points: 5851
Reviews: 77

Thu Jul 16, 2015 6:03 am
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FeatherPen wrote a review...

I got the reference to the original strait away. A bit more macabre and less subtle but that makes it good. Besides I don’t think you can pick any faults with such a short work. Have you seen the forum for Stories in 6 words?
Story in Six Words
I like that you haven’t constrained your self to the six words but have still kept it short.
Oh and I agree with putting it in short stories, the idea is to tell a story is as few works as possible.

Snoink says...

Thank you! I'm glad you got the reference right away. :)

I have seen that topic, but I don't think I've posted, for some reason. Writing a story in six words is hard!

And thanks for confirming my choice of short stories! I wasn't sure of that, but your words make me feel better. :)

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73 Reviews

Points: 26
Reviews: 73

Thu Jul 16, 2015 2:15 am
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Authorian wrote a review...

Hello! Authorian here for a review ~
My first impression of this was, definetely, freaky. It perfectly captures a creepy and blunt feel. Although, I feel like this would go better in poetry. Maybe it's just me.
On the third line, I think you forgot a perioud at the end.
Never used, that line really makes this. How are baby parts never used? I don't even know, nor do I know if I want to know. Creepy.
Then I read the genre.
Realistic? Culture? Maybe sort of, but it only adds to the foreboding feel of this post. It definetely lives up to what it adverised. Nine words, morbid... But the genre selection sold it. Whether or not it was intentional. I don't even know which way would be stranger.
Overall, a very interesting piece that pulls the morbid feel all the way through perfectly.

Snoink says...

Thank you for your lovely review! :)

I considered posting this in poetry too. ^^ But! The story this is based on is the famous flash fiction six word story ("For sale: baby shoes, never worn") so I ultimately put it in short stories.

I made it realistic and culture because it is based on something real! This news story, in fact! It is morbid news article, I am afraid...

Anyway, thank you very much for the review! :)

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472 Reviews

Points: 25
Reviews: 472

Thu Jul 16, 2015 2:10 am
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Lightsong wrote a review...

Hey! I'm here to review.

First of all, I just want to tell you how sad I'm feeling right now. This is just so true, the part where baby parts are sold. I seriously don't understand why they need to be like that. I mean, I can understand if he is alive (then it would be called as human trafficking, I guess) he would be more useful. However, the third and fourth lines indicate he isn't breathing because his set of lungs are never used.

Maybe I miss something here. Maybe they're just cannibalistic people who crave baby meats or what not. Maybe they need the lungs to replace the broken ones their baby has. Whatever it is, this is a human we're talking about, and he's not for sale. He isn't like the goods that have no freedom for themselves. He's an innocent child that needs to be taken care of properly.

My only suggestion is that perhaps you can put in others' perspectives (his parents, the seller, the people who buy, etc.) so that more understanding can be made with this issue. Overall, I think this is a short story which is also a poem (one can choose either one) that can capture one's interest not in spite the lack of words, but because of it. Good job! :)

Snoink says...

Hi! Thanks for the review. :)

It's actually based on a story that is currently in the news! this one, in fact.

I thought about making it a poem too... it's really a toss up! But, this whole piece is a literary nod to that famous six-word story, "For sale: baby shoes, never worn," so I figured I would keep it as a short flash fiction piece. ^^

Thank you again! :)

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30 Reviews

Points: 25
Reviews: 30

Thu Jul 16, 2015 1:32 am
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AlyssaB506 wrote a review...

Well, that was simple. Quite amusing actually :). Opening this document was a bit of a surprise. Most authors here write long, continuous stories. Making it absolutely evident that they intend to get the most out of their coins. Not you, you took "short story" to heart and looked beyond the normal response. In fact I find your literal take on the matter refreshing. For organizational purposes, I am going to make this a proooos and coooons list. :)

Pros :) In this piece, you took the litteral meaning of a topic and thought outside the box. Even though the first glance can be decieving, it is actually impressive. I understand the depressing message you are trying to deliver, but your simple approach lightens the mood. It makes writers question the meaning and search for their own interpretation of it. :)

Cons :( Obviously, more could have been added to lengthen the "short story." But I believe the humor and irony of "Short Story" is wonderful. And the contradicting simple vs. complex approach to the obvious issue is enough to get the appropriate response from your readers. :( That's enough cons though. :)

Overall, I believe this was a perfectly meaningful post that makes it easy for people, like myself, to ramble on and make their own conspiereceis about it. Weeeell Doooone! :)

~While I have your attention, I would like to encourage you to keep posting. I believe we need more of these silly, interesting posts around here. And I would obviously love to read more of your work! :)

The End :)

Snoink says...

Thanks for your review! :)

I knooow. It is rather short, isn't it? Definitely didn't get my coins worth for this one! But that's okay. I'll just review more. :)

It's actually based on a rather famous six-word story ("For sale: baby shoes, never worn") so I at first thought it was three words too long. But, it is nice that you think it could be delved in at length. ;)

Thank you for your kind words!

That there's some good in this world, Mr Frodo - and it's worth fighting for.
— Samwise Gamgee