You're an illusion,
a sign of my delusion.
Enemy by history,
you've left me scarred and blistery.
Made for me and my misery,
yet kept away like a mystery.
Thoughts of you flood my mind,
just to keep me blind.
Unknown, unseen, never heard,
so why'd I feel you next to me?
Your reflection in the water next to me,
makes me feel like I shouldn't be.
Heaven, soft and shimmery,
never went, staying clouded to keep you here with me.
Eyes water when you stand before me,
scared I'll never have the courage to tell you my plea.
Talked and walked besides me,
making me laugh and cough at the jokes I thought I'd never hear.
Once an illusion,
once a sign of delusion,
but now I don't have to wait for you.
Lover by our history,
you've healed me until I could walk no longer blistery.
Made for me in mystery,
yet you loved me till the end of misery.
Thoughts of you flood my mind,
no longer lost, now found.
Known, seen and always heard,
I feel you shake and laugh next to me.
Your reflection in the water next to me,
makes me smile and realize I really can be myself when you're here.
Heaven, soft and shimmery,
is right here with you and me.
Eyes never water anymore when you're with me,
I know you and you know my plea.
You walk, talk and laugh next to me,
forever excited by my little plea.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Hi Smet! This is going to be one of my shortest reviews yet. I don't know if the word count will work but let us see. By the way, if you didn't know, this is Hop. The marvelous one. Okay, anyways... For this being your first poem-- This is really really good. You managed to get the emotions across without overdoing anything... Good job on that. I love the adjectives you use in it. Words like "shimmery" and "blistery" really helps paint a mental image. I also really adore the line
it again paints a good mental image and is just overall a good line. This poem is relatable and clear. People are able to synthesize with you and connect it to their daily life as well as still see you as more than just a poet or author. So, yeah. It was a really good poem and I can't wait to see more!
As always...
Stay writing! Stay amazing! Happy NovMo!
Love,
Hop
(i swear i will sleep now.)
Thank you hop hehe NOW EEP! Good night:3
ok gn <3
Hi, a passing dragon here to leave a quick review.
This line seems, to me, like the end of the first stanza or part of the poem since it breaks the rhythm. I just stood out but that's not necessarily bad, I just wanted to mention it.I really enjoyed reading this poem. I love the rhyme and simple story of love and the soothing of pain perhaps caused by lost love.
I do have a few critiques to mention but I want to preface this by saying I'm not very good at poetry. So take my comments with a grain of salt.
The words "next to me" were used twice in a row here, which, for the kind of writing I do, is a little off putting. I don't know if this has a special meaning in poetry but I thought I'd mention it too.
Other than that, I found nothing I could critique in this! Great job.
The feelings were totally there and the ending had me feeling all warm inside.
May blazing dragon-fire light your path and ignite the flames of your inspiration.
Not gonna lie i did not notice i used next to me twice.. but im Happy you liked it! Had a rough time writing it since it was my first time