Published November 30, 2004
Nervous and tense outside.
But inside there is peace,
An oasis of hope for a thirsty soul.
Like a butterfly suspended on a petal.
Outside, eyes pricked for any sign of danger.
But inside, peaceful reflection;
The droning of bees in her ear, and the sweetness of nectar at her throat.
So quietly she sits.
Waiting for her turn.
Forever waiting.
I don't feel it is my best, but it got okay reviews on another writing site; just wanted to try it out here.
~Skye Demon
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141,285 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
this poem for some strange reasons really touches me. I tend to get a mixed feeling about the theme really. But then again that's what you probably want to convey. I am kind of new so I really don't know how to review but I decided to write one only when I read a poem that I like and this one is the one.
I thought it was quite strange, nonetheless original lol. Butterfly? Faerie? Who knows? We probably will figure it out eventually...lol. I thought it was funny, Skye Demon!
I thought it was very beautiful and powerful. Great job.
Hmm... Sorry I would not know wether it is your best or not, but I do know its the best of yours I have read. Based on what I have read, I'd say your poem is about a flower. Am I right? Am I? Am I? Anyway, I think its really good. I didn't think I'd find it in the 'Other Poetry' section though. If I had wrote it, I'd have put it in the dramatic (though my own poem is in the other section...)
^ this part really is a beautiful image...
i love it!
i think this is my favourite part as well! my favourite verse
anyways...
i really dont think theres much you could do to change this
to be honest with you... it produces some really nice images.
good job!
I liked the middle stanza best.
The others seemed a bit general, and a bit confusing in a way.
But some of the lines were just great. Good poem.
What do you mean this isn't your best work? this is beutiful, very good imagry. These few lines here are very good:
"An oasis of hope for a thirsty soul. "
"The droning of bees in her ear, and the sweetness of nectar at her throat. "
"Like a butterfly suspended on a petal. "
Very beutiful, very powerful.
I see a fairy... maybe she wants to fall in love? become human? balance the budget? Who knows.
I liked it, but I feel as if though the last line is a tad redundant. We know she's forever waiting... you say that with the title.
That's beautiful. And so true.
Some of your lines are really good, such as "A butterfly suspended on a petal." It says a lot without being verbose.
The poem as a whole definitely brings about reflection; I found myself thinking not only what this girl could be waiting for, but also if she was even a human. The droning of bees and nectar brings about images of a hummingbird, but hummingbirds don't wait.
Overall, I liked it, but I wish you gave us more clues about who/what she is, and what she is waiting for. That's just a personal thing though.