Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
My mama and I waited in a small fully clothed closet. As we sat on the cold oak wood floor she held me tightly. I heard the pounding of her heart and smelt the jasmine sprayed on her skin. A loud noise of a plate crashing to the ground echoed the empty white house and my mama cringed and tightened her grip around me. Mama’s nails dug themselves deep into my arms. I feared that the darkness around us would crush us.
From upstairs I heard my father in the kitchen. He stomped his feet against the wooden floor and pulled open every squeaky drawer.
“This is your fault, Mary. This is all your fault,” he shouted.
Mama dug her nails deeper into my flesh.
I looked up into her indigo eyes, the same color as mine. “Mama, do not worry. Father will not find us. I promise.”
Mama did not look into my eyes as we hid, she kept them on the closet door, but now they were glared right at me.
Her palm pressed hard against my lips, “ Shush. Rosemary, shush.”
Before I uttered a word my father tore the closet door open. Mama turned her head towards the now opened white wooden door. She sunk back closer to the closet wall, and I sat a few inches away from her. Lonely. Missing her smell.
Father stood there, a dark tall figure that shook in the doorframe. As he stepped backwards away from the closet the moon from the opened window caressed his scrunched up red face. It terrified me so I slowly pulled my eyes down to the ground, but as I did I noticed the moon’s light reflecting off a silver object.
The Colt Bisley revolver is what my father called it. His father gave it to him in 1915, when he was ten years old—my age. I always wanted to hold it, but now I found it hideous as he pointed it directly at Mama. His finger rested on the trigger. His thumb pulled back the hammer of the gun and it clicked.
“Mary, I loved you! I only wanted you. I loved you! I was all you needed. The only one you need to love.”
Bang.
He looked at me and I noticed his green eyes were now black. His hand shook and the gun bobbed up and down. He Laughed. Smiled. Cried.
Bang.
And my world ended.
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
Oh my gosh! That was so exciting! When the father ripped open the door and the gun came into view, my stomach took a plunge. You really hooked me in. Post the next chapter on here or tell me how I can get hold of the rest! I'm dying to find out about it! Or I might have to make YOU a ghost! (jk)
I will be putting it up real soon!
Possibly in tomorrow! ^_^
This is fantastic! I loved it. Your story was gripping all the way and you managed to create an extremely tense atmosphere. Your writing style is excellent and I like it a lot. Your description created a picture for me and it was almost as if I were really there. It's a fantastic piece of work.
Wow! I'm not really sure what to say :/ . I honestly can't see anything wrong with it..... So why don't I just tell you all the good things I was thinking while I read. Although the plot isn't something I would see in my everyday life, it still felt real to me. I think you give the perfect amount of description. What I mean is, you give the reader just a hint of detail so that they sort of understand what is going on but at the same time, we can't predict the ending. Overall, I think this is a really great piece of writing!
Actually this is the beginning of a whole story.
This is only the essence of how the girl dies, the true story is about her living as a ghost. I might just post the rest of it on here once my creative writing instructor takes a look at it. Also, I've left a lot of detail of why the father did this. I'll probably add an extra scene as to why haha 
thank you.
This broke my heart.
I'm sorry
, but that was the plan 
This story is gripping from the first sentence. My heart was pounding and my palms were sweating. You painted a picture with your words, made me feel that I was part of the story. You made me feel like I was hidden in the cloest with Rosemary and her mother as the father screamed and marched around looking for them. I felt the father towering over me as he raised his gun and fired away. Keep writing, I`m sure that you reach your dreams of becoming the author that changes the world for the better.
Thank you so much
You are very kind.