Young Writers Society

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

I think this was quite a good beginning to a novel which intrigues the reader to wonder what is going to happen next. It was very mysterious- the way everything went I mean. I was fascinated by how events took turn even in the very first chapter. However, there were a few places which were very unclear to me but maybe that is due to the fact that it is only the first chapter. Maybe things will get clearer soon.

Okay I found the relation between the witch and the human beings that the narrator depicted very interesting. I actually enjoy seeing different views on this subject this one of the most interesting one. Hm... It's kind of true that normal human beings are kinda ignorant of the magic powers of witch and wizards. We don't really ponder a lot about their existence and it's a general truth that they don't exist. I liked how you succeeded at providing some intriguing view on the topic.

At some places, I got lost as I have mentioned previously. Like first of all, who is this 'he'? I guess his identity was not mentioned for the sake of mystery but I think some hints could be dropped about who he actually was in reality. Some wizard? An enemy of the narrator or a friend of the narrator? I very much want to know it. Apparently it seems that he is an enemy but hm... Interesting. Oh also I found it quite intriguing how the narrator managed to see their watch inside the grave and managed to survive for that long. If that was for witch power, I would recommend a relatively clearer mention of that in the text.

The narrator is definitely in a very bad condition. I think they are in a constant threat that they would be killed and now I find it a bit ironical that they are kind of fakibg their death and taking the risk. I don't know but I didn't find that worry in the narrator. Maybe they are not that worried but I do think that a person would be worried in the situation. Seems like their aunt is the only person who understands them. I wonder about their parents and where they are. The last stanza was a littlw info-dumping but I guess that's not a problem. Overall, I enjoyed reading it and it makes a good first chapter. I would only say to revise it a bit and include the necessary details.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy...so as far as first chapters go, I'd say this one was pretty solid here. You've got a good hook here to make readers want to keep going on, the main character is pretty likeable, which is great for first person and there appears to be some very interesting worldbuilding going on in the background as well.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I died just like he said I would.

No one even carried the slightest suspicion. But no one knew that I would be coming back either. Not as a ghost, not a zombie, not even a silly vampire. No- I would come back as me.

The plan was simple. I would pull a Juliet and fake my funeral. But now, as I lay buried six feet under pushing daisies, I began to feel claustrophobic and that “simple plan” was beginning to look more complicated. The coffin had no ventilation- and I wouldn’t expect it to- but the silk cushions clung to my skin as the sweat began to bead on my skin.

Checking my watch I noted that it had been two hours since the funeral and he was late. The boy who hadn’t told me his name or why I had to do what he said other than he’d kill me. I didn’t want to fake my death, but I had to. He said I would die anyway. Only if I chose his way, I would only die for a few hours.

“If you want to live, you will do as I say,” he told me. I hated him to death.

As I lay, twiddling my thumbs, I realized how ironic my situation was to my own thoughts. If only my Aunt Jess could see me now. I knew she would be the only one to understand. She’s the only other witch in the family.

There are only two things that differ between my Aunt Jess’s powers and mine. My powers are more powerful than hers and they have not been used in three years.

Ever since I got made fun of for being weird and accused of being a witch I stopped using my powers. I guess the fact that I always wore black sundresses and boots didn’t help, but it still hurt all the same.

My Aunt didn’t like it, me not using my powers, but she knew it was best in a sense. No human is supposed to know that magic exists. Even humans know that. In every fantasy novel I had ever read-which is a lot- the humans are the ignorant enemies. I had always thought people treated us like aliens anyway and would dissect us as ones if they ever found out. Nonetheless, humans were never the enemies to the magic world, I knew that much. They were just the ignorant bystanders of the world. I wished often that I didn’t have powers. Now more than ever, it seemed.

The downside about pushing the world of magic away was that when it came to life-altering situations -like the one I’m in now- I was clueless to the rules and systems of the magic folk. I was just as bad as a human might be.

I began to have a sudden nostalgia for my aunt. Knowing I would never see her again made me want to punch that guy’s face in even more. But I was grateful for leaving my high school life in my small Rhode Island town. I was to be graduating early by the end of the school year at age sixteen. My natural witch intellect had helped me with that, The Sense of Knowing, along with my knack for memorizing lengthy subjects.