You'll Want To Read This

I'm not completely sure what this is. I would consider it a Prose, or maybe just the rantings of a girl who has not slept for a long time. I would appreciate feedback, a lot, and I'm sorry for the crudeness. It's simply the facts.

You judge me. You judge others, you judge yourself, and you even judge a god we cannot see. It’s amazing isn’t it, that the world we create for ourselves is influenced by so many people. That laugh, yeah, the one you used yesterday? It probably wasn’t yours. Maybe you heard it from your best friend, your idol, or even your parents. Maybe you heard a stranger laugh, and thought it was beautiful, and subconsciously it became yours.

This world, this façade that we currently use around so many others, when can we let it down? Maybe you don’t even realize your acting. Maybe, you’re such a good actor, you’ve tricked yourself into thinking that’s the real you. It could actually be the real you, but I’m skeptical. When first our eyes in this world, I believe that’s the one untainted glimpse we get. Isn’t that sad, that I, a girl of age fifteen believe that?

It’s amazing what happens in high school. Your eyes are pried open to the world, and for the first time you see everything you were to naive to. I can honestly tell you there’s not a day where I go down the hall without hearing ‘fuck’ at least ten times each period. Now, I’m not going to say that I’m perfect in that matter either, but I try to save cuss words for the appropriate timing. Now, I honestly don’t even see the point in making these words off limit. What separates these words from the rest of our words? What makes all of them, hell, shit, damn, ect, worse than heck, poop, or darn. I honestly come to question society in that aspect. Is it wrong to use these words, what made them ‘off limit’ in the first place, and if these words truly are bad, why do kids feel it’s necessary to break these rules?

Then there’s sex. I will admit, I’m a virgin, and I’m not ashamed. Two years ago, I would’ve been terrified at the thought of even my friend losing their virginity. Now, I question what’s so terrible about it. I feel utterly numb to it. The tears that I cried about my friends have evaporated, and now there is only a lost girl. The only reason I’m keeping it right now, is that it’s something that you simply can’t have back, and I like to keep things until I find the right someone, yes even if that means until I’m married.

I still don't understand the girls who basically only want sex. Maybe it's because I haven't had it, but it seems to me that they are slowly reversing all the rights women have fought for by making themselves sex objects.

Honestly, I can’t see how girls can give themselves away like that, but slowly I’m coming to think it’s no big deal. Am I becoming brainwashed by society? Or were my morals simply too unrealistic all along?

Personally, I believe everything is becoming acceptable. You see so many ads, everyday, you hear so many lyrics and subconscious things you wouldn’t believe, and you see images that cannot be erased. Slowly, are we all sinking away?

**Also, I'll most likely edit this later on, but for now, I'm looking for any response**