Hell has no Sympathy
Hell has no sympathy
For the ones we call angels
Darkness holds no comfort
For the ones who bathe their eyes in light.
Blame your faults on their tangled lies,
Scream that your tortured soul will take their pain away.
Hell has no sympathy
For the ones who tell the truth
The sanctity of our muses
Hold no lyrics
To the ones who are out of tune.
Tip your head and devour their tears
This is what will quench your fears.
Hell has no sympathy
For the ones who are left behind
The chambers of our hearts
Will echo with the past.
Star Child
Dance with the stars,
Small child,
And speak their silent voice.
Trace the words that slide from their mouth,
And hold them dear in your eyes.
They know naught of your heart,
So show them your mind.
They cannot live the memories you draw,
So treat them with care.
Small little flower,
Do not cry.
Sometimes your dark place can be where
The world comes to light.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hey there, Sillia! Crimson here for a review.
I'll evaluate your poems separately, so for now I'll start at the top, with Hell has no sympathy.
As I'm reading through the first few lines, you have an odd break after the second line that feels as though it ought to be the end of the sentence. However, since the next couplet seems to closely tie in, perhaps a semicolon would be best.
The same thing happens on the line after the second and third mentions of 'hell has no sympathy'.
That aside, the poem as a whole has a somewhat mournful feeling, and reminds me of my early teenage years. I do feel a little like the repeated line would sound better as 'hell hath no sympathy' instead, but that's probably just my love for early modern English showing!
As it deals with hell and seemingly fallen angels and that sort of macabre topic, perhaps some more sombre imagery wouldn't go amiss here, and a little dramatic flair does seem to be missing where it could be used to great effect... But that's just my opinion.
Loving it so far; I'll be back later to review the second one also!
Keep on practicing, and you'll only improve.
Thank you!
Hi there, Sillia! Niteowl here to review.
Since you posted two poems in one work, I'm only going to review "Star Child" because I think it's the stronger piece.
This poem has some nice imagery and seems to be encouraging someone to find spots of light when they are in a dark place. I think that's a great message.
I really like these lines, but you don't need the comma after mouth.
Here's where I get a little confused. What is the "they" in this part of the poem? Are we still talking about the stars? It feels like the subject has shifted to something like "the world" or "other people" but it's unclear. Also, I think "nothing" would sound better than "naught".
I like the imagery in the first line, but again the pronouns are confusing me. I assume that "them" is referring to the memories, but it's a little hazy. Also, I still don't know if "they" is referring to the stars or some other audience.
These lines feel awkwardly short and choppy.
Great ending lines!
Overall, I liked this poem and thought it had a good message. Keep writing!
Thank you!!!