Young Writers Society

Hey there, Sillia! Crimson here for a review.

I'll evaluate your poems separately, so for now I'll start at the top, with Hell has no sympathy.


As I'm reading through the first few lines, you have an odd break after the second line that feels as though it ought to be the end of the sentence. However, since the next couplet seems to closely tie in, perhaps a semicolon would be best.

The same thing happens on the line after the second and third mentions of 'hell has no sympathy'.

That aside, the poem as a whole has a somewhat mournful feeling, and reminds me of my early teenage years. I do feel a little like the repeated line would sound better as 'hell hath no sympathy' instead, but that's probably just my love for early modern English showing!

As it deals with hell and seemingly fallen angels and that sort of macabre topic, perhaps some more sombre imagery wouldn't go amiss here, and a little dramatic flair does seem to be missing where it could be used to great effect... But that's just my opinion.

Loving it so far; I'll be back later to review the second one also!

Keep on practicing, and you'll only improve.

Hi there, Sillia! Niteowl here to review.

Since you posted two poems in one work, I'm only going to review "Star Child" because I think it's the stronger piece.

This poem has some nice imagery and seems to be encouraging someone to find spots of light when they are in a dark place. I think that's a great message.

Trace the words that slide from their mouth,

And hold them dear in your eyes.

They know naught of your heart,

So show them your mind.

They cannot live the memories you draw,

So treat them with care.

Small little flower,

Do not cry.

Sometimes your dark place can be where

The world comes to light.