We played pretend for as long as we could,
Splashing through puddles of secrets that only we breathe
Beyond the social norms,
With the rise and fall of the years,
Our memories grew.
We weren’t well-known, or even forgotten,
Stuck between space and time just
Struggling to exist.
We clung to each other as long as we could;
Losing one to the darkness waves of alcohol.
For a while...I thought the two of us would sink.
How would we continue without him?
Our third musketeer?
I tried to replace the hole in my soul.
With others as wild at heart and with freedom filled eyes like him.
But it's just gotten smaller as the time slips by.
That boy, with his hazel eyes and borderless mind.
Left us.
Through the ashes we rose,
Like a phoenix from our favorite story.
Welding together a friendship that will always last.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Beautiful! Beautiful! It describes exactly what happens as we grow up. The way we stop pretending, and come to adult-hood, when we leave childhood behind, the images and memories leave. Amazingly put! the struggles we go through, everything. it describes everything. Keep it up!
Hey Sillia, Lily here for a review.
WOW!! That's what I first said when I read your poem. I really love your poem. Especially the way you've written, it gets the reader emotionally attached to the situation depicted in the poem. Friendship is a very beautiful bond..but not everyone's got the talent of depicting it in the right way especially when it describes the loss of friends/or a friend.
It really makes the readers feel like they are moving along with the speaker in a flash back of her memories. It makes the reader imagine all the situations and feel pity on the emotional condition and the great loss the speaker is going through.
But I guess there is a slight change you can make in the line "Losing one to the darkness waves of alcohol." May be you can use the word 'dark' instead of 'darkness'.The line or sentence would be like " Losing one to the dark waves of alcohol".
Apart from that you've done awesome in the part of capitalization and punctuation.There is absolutely no need of making any changes in that area.
Hope this review helps you..looking forward to more of your works.
-Lily ^_^
Oops it was supposed to be dark not darkness thank you!
My pleasure...
;)
wow, that was great! I think you did an amazing job! I loved your begging, normally the thing I look for most in poems or story's is the beginning and mostly for me, if the beginning is good, then you have a good paper, and you shore do! I really enjoyed reading this and feeling like I was in a different world of beautiful black and white! and imagining everything that was written down, it was wonderful!
their were no grammatical errors that I could find so great job on that and I cant wait to see what else you will write!
so pleas keep writing and have fun doing so
MagicAce out!
Thank you!!
shore!
Hello, Kat here for a review!
This poem was wonderful and touching. The beginning of it faintly reminded me of the TØP song, "Stressed Out", however as much as I love Tyler and Josh I do prefer your poem to the song. I also enjoyed how you used the word, "welding" in the last stanza as I thought it was a great word for what you were describing. In fact, one of the things that I enjoyed most about your piece is the vocabulary choices. I apologize as I am new to YWS and haven't had much experience in writing these reviews, though I do hope it was of some use to you.
Have a wonderful day!
Your friend, Katrina Kimberly:)
Thanks <3 you posted your review threetimes though xD
Omigosh, I'm so sorry! I just realized that.... oops %uD83D%uDE4A