Being a teen sucks sometimes.
Some of us get in trouble, just to kill time.
So many things start to change.
You eventually start feeling strange.
You tend to lose yourself,
When trying to save someone else.
Not everyone can be saved.
Even before it’s too late.
Sometimes the old you dies.
Especially when you uncover all the lies.
You finally find out who they really are.
But after you do that, you’ll go far.
It hurts letting things go,
But when it’s done, then you’ll know
What you do should be best for YOU.
Not the person you once knew.
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141,356 Literary Works • 674,380 Reviews
"Being a teenager sucks." You should leave it there, it sucks ALL the time. Just kidding. Ha, overall, I enjoyed your piece, mostly because I relate to it somewhat.
Have a great day (or night)!
I'll point out the lines I loved the most.
"Sometimes the old you dies.
Especially when you uncover all the lies."
I really enjoyed this because it holds a multitude of truth in only two lines. I love things like that. And can I say this is me right now, at 17 years of age? It's a rather interesting place to be.
"...not the person you once knew."
This line (and the ones preceding it, but particularly this one) really caught my eye. A friend of mine who's in college right now gave me a piece of advice on knowing who you are. He said, "look at what you had in the past and what you have know to see what will happen for you in the future (not verbatim but that's basically what he said)." The last lines of your piece reminded of that. It really speaks to me. Just one thing, though, you have "you" in caps, and I can see the point of it, sort of diverging the new from old, but it reads a little strangely for me. Anyway, it's not a huge problem. Also, (I know I said one thing but...) I think you could develop the content a bit more. Like how being a teen sucks, how we hurt sometimes, or how some are lost, and so on. I think it will give your piece more of an allure as well as relay your message more effectively.
Anyway, like I said, I like this poem overall especially your lovely lines.
Thank you! I will work on that. I'm sorta new at writing poetry, so I'm still getting in the swing of things. as you can tell my vocabulary is still growing, haha.
I like this poem alot because it really describes what I feel right now and will probably feel in my next years of so-called adolescence. I agree with what jumpingsheep said about the periods, it disrupts the flow.
I'm not really good with grammar so I'll just show what I feel about this work.
It's all so true. The old you dies and you begin to be something else, and I can relate because right now I'm experiencing what you wrote. I'm confused about things but this poem kind of gave me some advice in the end.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go and study for the exams tomorrow instead of being hooked into this poem. (Though I prefer the latter)
Thank you so much! I feel like this is a poem that a lot of people could relate to. Especially in their adolescent years. (Good luck on your exams!)
This poem literally sums up my thoughts exactly! The concept of rediscovery during teenage years is one that I can relate to.
Some things that I noticed:
--The periods at the ends of some of the lines feel a little bit abrupt sometimes. You may want to put a comma in those places instead, so that the poem flows through to the next line.
--The line "Not everyone can be saved" seems a little bit out of place after the line before it, where you mentioned that one tries to save everyone else. You may want to add a phrase like "even then," as a transition, so that you emphasize the fact that while you lose yourself trying to save every one else, even then you don't always succeed.
--Sometimes the poem rhymes in a meter; I would recommend that you either decide to make the entire poem rhyme, or make the entire poem in blank verse. Falling in and out of a rhyming meter can sometimes disjoint a poem.
Other notes:
--Fantastic ending line! It really leaves one with something to ponder, and I found it to be extremely thought provoking.
--I feel like you summed up the timeless teenager mentality really well. It's something that I can completely connect to!
Keep up the good work!!
Thank you for your feedback! I'm sorta new at writing poetry, so I still make errors. But thanks for your feedback, I will definitely keep that with me as i continue to write!
HI sierradawn2016!!!!!!!
being a teenager myself i can totally relate to this and the crisis's that we go through. your'e poem generates the conflicts and dilemmas that typical teenagers go through. i like the way you show how teenagers make stupid decisions to kill time or be entertained. i like your wording.
there are few spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. like the " sometimes the old you dies.." part? you also need to be specific on who you're speaking about at the end. are you speaking about yourself or other people that you meet in your teenage years? or are talking about yourself during the early stages of adulthood?
other than that i like your poem and conveys a deep meaning.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!!!
Thank you for your feedback! I feel as though this is a poem a lot of people could relate to, especially in their adolescent years. I was meaning as humans in general, such as me or you. I experienced something a few years ago that made me change all around; the person I was, the things I did. I'm completely different from how I was a few years ago, but I think change happens to everyone. (Hopefully that clears up your confusion/question)