Emilia

The images are still clear in my head. Vases shattering, strange women leaving my house in the early hours of the morning, mascara-stained sheets lying next to the washing machine. My house used to be the picture perfect example of a broken home. The signs were all there. Infidelity, reverberating walls shaking from the screeches and yells of my parents, the quiet sniffling of a young girl caught in the throes of adolescence.

The year I was christened a teenager, my father became unfaithful to my mum. He always thought nobody knew, that he was some sly fox, sneaking behind everyone, unknown, when in reality, everyone knew. Mum knew, I knew, even the neighbors knew. Some father he was.

By the time the divorce papers flew around, it was just Madré and I. “Father” had already started living with his new main squeeze. For all we knew, she could’ve been pregnant already. He had suggested the possibly of shared custody, but I would have none of it, and neither would the judge.

After a grueling, tedious year stuck in my personal prison, I finally returned to Canada to get away from it all. My grandparents had thought I’d gone through too much, so they offered to take me off Mum’s shoulders for the summer. It was then, that I met David.

As I stepped off the airplane and into the crisp Canadian air, I could already feel a change coming. It had been rough leaving mum, but I was regretting it less with every second that passed. I met Grandpa and Grandpa and we were off to the country. It was strange, but I was feeling at home, even though I’d never actually lived in Canada. We approached the small brick house, and I gazed at the new rose beds lining the walls of the house. Seemed like they had been busy.

I got settled in quickly, and I diverted their plans for dinner, leaving them to take a walk instead. Bundled up in my furry coat and bright magenta scarf, I scurried along the unforgiving road and came across a seemingly peaceful lake. As I picked up a piece of gravel, a voice from behind me shocked me out of my day dream.

“I haven’t seen you around here,” the stranger said. He was tall, almost 6”0 with eyes as black as coal, and the same colored hair to match. He didn’t seem like he was from around here, but I guess it was too early to judge.

“I just got here. And who are you, may I ask?” His face broke into a smile, and I noticed his teeth were appealingly flawed. Imperfection was always a catch.

“I’m David, I moved here a year ago with my grandparents, who are you?” The conversation was going well, and what more could I have asked for? I silently thanked God for this blessing in disguise. Who wouldn’t want to be conversing with a cute guy beside a lake?

“Hey, I’m Emilia. I’m here for the summer,” I replied. “With my grandparents too,”.

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing out alone at night? Hasn’t your father taught you its dangerous?” It seemed like almost flirting, but with my experience, I couldn’t tell.

“Well that would be hard to learn since I haven’t seen much of my father this past year,” I knew he was only joking, but I might as well get it out in the open if we were going to go anywhere.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” he said. An apologetic look crossed his face, and I immediately regretted making him feel uncomfortable. In a second my arm was attempting to hug his shoulder, but he was too big. I liked how this was going. We talked again for awhile, while he walked me back home, and I found out he didn’t live too far away. We didn’t know each other well enough for our first kiss, but maybe we’ll get to that point someday.

It was a new day, and I was in a good mood from the night before when the devil rang from hell. He was attempting to patronize me with every sentence, but I ended the conversation as soon as possible to get back to living my life. Turns out I was right. Dianne was pregnant, and the baby was due in May. Even though they would be the child of a troll and a promiscuous siren, I hope they had a nice life. Children don’t deserve to go through pain, especially not like how I had to.

I spent the rest of the day at home with Grandma, doing the good old storybook clichéd activities with an elderly person. We baked cookies, had tea, and Gran even attempted to teach me how to knit. It seemed so surreal that at times I had to detach myself from the situation to make sure it was actually happening. It was good to spend sometime in an alternate world, and I really did treasure every moment. For how was I supposed to know when it was going to end?

Thoughts of David danced into my mind while taking my afternoon nap. He was like a daisy in a bed of roses. Almost impossible, yet still managing to leave a mark in a person’s life. Almost telepathically, he called a few minutes later asking if I wanted to meet the next day for a light afternoon lunch. He didn’t leave any clues besides to bring a scarf, since it might be cold.

Gran interrogated me, thinking it would be unsafe to go for lunch with a guy I just met, but I was living a different life here, I wasn’t plain old Emilia. I was Emilia the Great. Emilia the Rebel. I could mold myself into whatever I wanted to, and nobody would mind. When she finally met him for the first time, her impression of him changed, and she was happy to let me go.

Our first “date” was okay. We started getting to know each other, and I found out he had almost died when he was 4 by almost drowning after falling through thin ice which had just frozen over a lake. Our conversation was filled with the strangest things, ranging from life goals, to favorite condiments.

“I have no idea what I want to do when I’m older, but I just know that it’s something that’ll help my mum in a way. Maybe a psychologist. What about you?” I asked.

“Oh, I think a chemistry teacher. I love kids, and chemistry is my best subject, so it all works out,” he replied. He didn’t seem to excited to talk about future jobs, and I had a feeling it had to do with his parents, or family. But now wasn’t the time to dig deeper into his history, and instead we went to a carnival by the ocean and danced the night away at an old school swing competition.

It had been two weeks since I’d last seen David, and it was starting to worry me. We had been on a couple of dates, all varying in originality. Once we even went to a petting zoo and volunteered for the day. We were “exclusive” now, and my feelings for him had gotten deeper in the matter of a month. Our time together was coming to an end, we only had a few weeks left, and how why would he suddenly just disappear? In the end, Grandpa convinced me to stop thinking about it and go fishing with him instead. It was the first I had actually gone fishing, and it was surprisingly fun, to a certain point. I hadn’t gotten any fish in the first hour, and Gramps was joking how they were probably allergic to me. He could crack some pretty corny jokes sometimes, but he was the closest thing I had to a dad.

I finally caught one when we were about to pack up, and I heard myself scream at how happy I was. When my grandfather finally lifted it up out of the water, I saw the true beauty of what I had just caught. The fish was average sized, about the size of my arm. It was a rustic red color, maybe some type of salmon? I’m still not sure. Water glistened off it and the contrast between the calm trees in the background and the flopping fish was enticing. In the end, we savored the fish for dinner, and it wasn’t that bad, to be honest.

After dinner, Gran and Gramps decided to watch a movie, but I passed. I was feeling tired after a long day, and the thoughts of David were draining me even more. He had said something about being busy, but who could be so busy not to call? I was wondering where he was, when my phone rang. My caller ID didn’t recognize the number, and when I heard David’s voice come through the phone, my heart relaxed for the first time that day.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I really meant to call you, but I’ve been so busy-“ He said in a rush.

“It’s okay, just calm down. I’m fine; I was just worried about you. What happened?”

“I don’t feel like talking, I have a sore throat. Is MSN okay?” His voice rasped through the telephone and I realized just how bad he sounded.

“Sure thing, I’ll get on now,” I heard myself say. I didn’t know why, but I had a suspicious feeling that Kenny was up to something, and it wasn’t good.

“dmeister: hey, im sorry I had 2 to hang up. what’s up?”

“mimi95: It’s okay. Uh, do you want to start by telling me where you’ve been these past few weeks? Oh, and nothing much. I’ve just been worried sick about you,”

“dmeister: im sorry, just calm down. I’ve been away with my family and I just got back. It’s no big deal,”

“mimi95: okay fine. I’ve missed you,”

“dmeister is now offline.”

It wasn’t like him to suddenly disappear off the earth, and then to leave me hanging on MSN. “Maybe it was just a guy thing,” my brain told me. I played FarmVille for a while before exhausting the battery on my laptop, and finally went to sleep. I figured there was nothing better to do, and I would just waste my time thinking about David. No point in losing sleep over it.

I was getting the mail from outside, like any other day, when I saw a letter from David. Why he would write a letter instead of coming to see me was something I didn’t understand, but at least he left something. I felt weird all of a sudden, and decided to sit down when I open it. I’d been having premonitions lately, and they were starting to creep me out.

“Dearest Emilia,

I’m sorry I had to leave so suddenly. My grandparents have had some things going on, and they decided they want to leave sooner than earlier planned. I don’t think we should be in a relationship anymore – you know what long distance does to people. I hope you have a nice life, and that we can still be friends. I know this letter might not be enough consolation for why I’m leaving you, but if someday, I’m ready, I will tell you, and I’ll tell you everything. Be safe Emilia, I mean it.

Love, David.”

The reality of what just happened struck me and I burst into tears. How dare he just leave me like that? I had read once that boys were cowards, and would rather break something off through writing instead of actually having to say it themselves. How true that was. I felt so betrayed, and it was my first real heartbreak. I had fell hard, and fast, for David, and he just decides to leave me and he doesn’t even give me a complete answer. Thoughts were circling my head of possible reasons why he had to move. Was it murder? Fraud? It must’ve been something bad. My respect for him was lost, and although my heart still ached, and new sense of hate for David came over me. Who knew love was so unforgiving?

I spent the rest of the night in bed, crying. I couldn’t get over it, and if the old David was still here, he’d never let this happen to me. Gran eventually heard me on her way up. When I told her the full story, she didn’t say anything and instead wrapped her arms around me. I didn’t think it would feel this good to be comforted, since I was always the one doing the comforting. I eventually stopped crying and fell asleep in Gran’s arms. Hopefully she wouldn’t tell Mum this, I couldn’t show weakness in front of her.

Waking up the next morning was tough, and I wasn’t quite sure if it was something I actually wanted to do. David had left me without any explanation, and he expected me to be okay with it. It felt like someone had taken a knife and slit my heart, and left me to heal alone. I couldn’t explain the grief that came with the pain, the over-analyzing of what I’d done, the feeling of inadequacy.

As I switched on my Macbook to divert my mind from the problems with David, I checked the recent headlines, as usual, and found an interesting article about a teenage killing. Reading slowly, I learned that the crime scene wasn’t far from here, and my heart started to race. Maybe I was just jumping to conclusions, but I had a dirty feeling about this. As I skimmed the page, I came across the name of the victim. David Johnson. I couldn’t believe my eyes, and I was in the moment of shock before the realization came. I tried to catch my breath, but I could feel the tears creeping up behind my eyes. Refusing to believe it, I kept reading, putting myself through mental torture.

“The cause of death is still unknown, but police are suspecting that the victim was sleeping when the perpetrator broke in and attempted theft. They also think that the victim was killed by the perpetrator, but the crime lab hasn’t finished investigating,” it was a shock, and I was blocking the rational thoughts out of my mind. Unexpectedly, I got into the car and started driving myself to the hospital. Surely I could find some answers there.

“I’m sorry, but only the crime lab workers and certified detectives are allowed in this area,” a large security guard informed me.

“I’m sorry, but I need to see the body. David Johnson is my boyfriend and he’s been missing for a bit. Please, just let me see the body,” I didn’t know where these words were coming form, but they just kept flowing out. Who knew I had the strength?

It took me a while to realize that I wasn’t going to get anywhere with the security guard, so I ventured off to find a nurse who might be willing to help me.

“I’m sorry, but I really need to see someone. My boyfriend’s been missing for a while, and his name was in the papers today. Someone told me to check in the morgue. Could you help me?” The nurse was awfully sweet and she escorted me quietly to the morgue.

The faint smell of disinfectant and cleanliness welcomed me, with an underlying scent of death. My hands were sweating already as I approached the morgue. Rachel, the nurse, led me to the body, and I was on the verge of crying when she asked me if I was ready. It still shocks me that people ask that. Who could be ready to identify a dead body who could possibly be the person they loved?

She pulled the white sheet back and I turned away in horror, not wishing to face the reality of what was ahead of me. I finally got the courage to look at the face of the victim, and there was my David lying on the table. His skin had turned pale, and cold to the touch. His eyes were shut, as if he was asleep, and he’d never looked so peaceful. His face was flawless, and I could tell that the major wound was probably somewhere underneath. My body folded in two and I lost all feeling in my legs. I couldn’t breathe and the nurse had to escort me out of the morgue.

While on the way outside, an officer stopped me and asked if I needed any help.

“Would you happen to know anything about David Johnson?” I asked, sniffling between words.

“Yes, I’m sorry kid, but he’s gone now,” he looked awkward, but my mind kept begging for closure, and I attacked him with questions.

“Do you know what happened? Were you there? Did you know if it hurt?”

“It was a robbery. We think he was at home with his family, and that he heard someone enter the house. The perpetrator had a gun, and when the shot went off, his family called us immediately. It didn’t hurt, kid. It was fast,” his phrasing was almost amusing. Of course gunshots hurt, but it was human nature to subdue painful information.

Somehow after my encounter with the officer, I managed to get back into the car, and start driving myself. My mind told me it was a bad idea, but I was in a level of hysteria, and too grief-stricken to listen. The tears blocked my eyes from seeing, but I guessed I would be fine. Coming onto a busy intersection, I pulled the turn too fast and met my end. It was all quick, the slamming of another car through my side, and my head lolling back from the impact. I was in a state of limbo, not really sure where I was going.

That was when I saw his face, and the bright light behind him. It didn’t come to mind what my family would have thought happened to me. I hoped they’d know it wasn’t suicide, just a silly mistake. The gap between David and I was closing, and I could feel his warmth starting to encompass me. I didn’t know the rules of heaven, but apparently you can cry, since I saw the tears rolling down his face.

“Why did you do this Emilia? I wanted you to stay back, to live your life,” he said.

“I’m with you now, isn’t that what matters?” A cruel twist of fate had brought us together, but standing there with him, I realized I had found my soul mate. We were young, but we loved each other. We embraced the flaws, and loved every single one of them. Even though I had just died, I was unbelievably happy with David by my side. We were in equilibrium, and nothing could separate us now. He took my hand, and I let my worries wash away as I realized there was nothing I could do about them. We walked into a strange land that welcomed us, and I could feel myself shedding my past life.

We were vanishing with every step, getting stronger as we went. I looked back and saw Mum and my grandparents, even Dad, and I forgave. I had been going through life spiteful and unforgiving, and it had cost me a relationship with a father I had once loved. I didn’t allow myself to regret any of my choices, or even be sad. I entered the unique, foreign world and I left myself. I left myself and started a new life.

*An english project I did earlier this year. Not particularly good.

Priyasha M.™