Mercy (An original by Sherie.)

The first present my daddy bought me was a bicycle, built with easy to remove training wheels.

The bike was a beauty, with its apple red paint, swirls of white which trailed from the handlebars to the tips of the small training wheels I no longer needed. Red and white streamers, dotted with shining silver specks flowed out of the handlebars.

I cried at the sight of it. My mom who was busy watering her garden, stood and rushed over to me.

“Lila, what is it?” she looked at me then glanced at the bike where my firm grip held the handlebars. “Oh…” she said with understanding. She nodded and ran her fingers over the bike.

“A ten year old doesn’t need training wheels! What, does he think you’re six or something? Sending his sister to deliver this bike to you without saying a word about it!” she let out a long, exasperated sigh and popped off the training wheels in a matter of three seconds. I rubbed my eyes and blinked at her.

“Can I ride it?” I pleaded. With tight lips, she nodded, and I rode away.

I pedaled with all my strength, going as fast as I could. My sorrow from my absentee father pushed me to a peak speed of 10 miles per hour. I took the longest, on-going road in our neighborhood and rode until I felt my veins pulsating in my legs.

I haven’t ridden that bike, or any bike since that day, and 5 years have passed. It just stands in our garage, waiting and ready for a young girl’s childhood.

“God, it’s hot.” Bailey stated with beads of sweat dotting her forehead. I nodded in agreement. We were sitting outside on her back porch, (better than a hot house with a broken AC), trying to relax on our last weekend before school was out for the summer.

“Wanna go to the pool?” I offered. A smile spread across her face.

“Yes! I forgot all about it. Let’s take our bikes!” I froze. No one knew the feelings I had behind any words having to deal with bikes. Ever since my dad sent me that bike, no letter, no phone calls, nothing since that bike, it was all I had from him. I didn’t want to replace it, so I never got a bike.

“I don’t have one, remember?” Bailey’s smile faltered. She loved rigorous activities, especially riding her bike.

“You really need to get one. Let’s just get our suits and take the bus.”

At the pool, Bailey and I played with two little girls and their older brother. Well, we did more talking than playing with him. He had the regular guy hair cut, short, eyes nearly the color of golden honey, and slightly pink lips.

“So what are you girls doing this summer?” he asked us while throwing little brown-haired Julie in the air.

“Dunno,” we replied in unison.

“You guys are so great with Julie and Crystal. You should join the Big Brothers, Big Sisters program. I’m going to join it this year.” He leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Crystal’s missing her father, and well… she needs a big sister. I’m always working or out with friends, you know? So she’s going to join it this year.” I nodded, I totally understood. I lived as a fatherless, only child lucky to have my mother.

“Jordan! Come watch me throw rings in the kiddy pool!” Crystal said, tugging on his arm.

“Okay Crystal, I’ll be right there! So you know, there’s a flyer for the place to sign up at, or you can call or something… See ya guys, right?”

“Yeah. Oh and by the way, I’m Bailey and this is Lila. See ya Jordan.”

“Bye.” He replied and took off. I left Bailey to walk Julie back to her mother, and went up to the pool’s bulletin board. I looked at the brochure holder, and saw a flyer with a little girl in pigtails holding hands with a tall girl dressed in shorts and a tee. I read the whole thing, grabbed two, and reached for the brochure with “More Information!”

Bailey and I got tired of swimming, and decided to tan a little bit on the plastic pool chairs.

“So…” I said, getting ready to discuss our summer plans and this program thing.

“So,” she said with her blond hair toppling out of its bun onto her back.

“I wanna do this, big brother big sister thing.”

“Really? I bet it’s just a bunch of bull.” I socked her. “Ouch! What the heck?”

“No, it’s not. That Jordan kid looked like he knew what he was talking about.”

“Oh whatever Lila, he thought you were cute and wanted another opportunity to see you, duh.” I shifted my position so I could see her.

“What? No. He just saw how good we were with Julie and Crystal.”

“Right, just cover up the embarrassment, I can see you blushing and you’re smiling by the way.” Of course, Bailey was right, my cheeks were bright red and I tried to muffle a giggle, but it got out and Bailey laughed along with me.

“But, I’ll do it. I am not sitting at home all summer.”

“Really? Oh thanks! It’ll be so much fun.”

“Sure… By the way, that little girl Crystal, she looks so much like you. It scared me. Oh and I talked to their mom and did you know, that they were adopted, Julie and Crystal? Not Jordan though.” I shook my head.

“Really? They look so happy, and so… Well… normal.”

“Right, right. But both you and Crystal have that innocent look in your faces, and like small green eyes and a dash of freckles right in the same place, right across your cheeks. Oh and the dimples. Only your hair is like really light brown, and her hair is almost chocolate colored.”

“Mine was like that when I was little, my mom said my dad had the same exact hair color, but now it’s almost the same color as hers.”

“Hmm. Kinda strange though, she’s like a little version of you.” She wasn’t related to me at all though, I’d know it, and I was the only child.

“Maybe I’ll get her as my little sister at the program. Or something.”

“Wow, that’d be so strange. Let’s go, I think I’m brown enough.” We packed up our things and left. Later, I told my mom about the program. She thought it would be great! I smiled and posted the flyer on my wall of activities.

“Come on Crystal, let’s just go out to the lake and maybe we can feed the ducks!” I said in my kiddy voice of excitement, just for her. It was already two weeks into the program, I came everyday at 7, stayed till the last kid went home, and was already a big sister of 4 little girls. I had Crystal as a little sister for Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Crystal was having a bad day, and she wouldn’t tell me why, but I did learn that was the main reason why we were here. To help the kids learn that there was someone out there who cared, and not everything in the world was trouble.

“No! I don’t wanna!” Screamed the agitated 7 year old.

“Alright, alright, let’s just sit here.” I walked over to a log, shaped somewhat like a seat and plopped down. We were on a local Park Trail, and the rest of the group was ahead of us. Crystal sat on the same log, as far away as possible. As much as I yearned for her to be closer, I remembered one of the “phrases to remember” key points; “Respect their space.” “Right,” I mumbled. “Respect their space.”

“Humph.” She sighed.

“Let’s talk about it. You might even get rewarded for it. Remember, when you apologized to Jessie last week for running into her… and you won that beautiful hula hoop.” Crystal smiled.

“Yeah. Okay… I’m mad cus, well, mommy makes me and Julie share a bike and really it’s hers I know cus I said I wanted a scooter so Jordan bought me a scooter and Julie got the bike cus she wanted the bike but we share it and it’s not really mine and I never had a bike and Julie gets everything and mommy likes her better and I don’t want a new mommy and I never had a daddy and I don’t want a new big sister I want you as my big sister! I want you! Don’t leave me Lila please! I don’t wanna change homes again!” She threw herself at me and let out big heaving sobs. I wrapped my arms around her and let out a few tears myself. I kissed her hair even though kisses weren’t allowed “Keep your distance,” rule.

“It’s not about the bike, is it? You just want more love huh?” Her tears were reduced to little sniffles and she looked up at me with the same exact eyes as me and nodded.

“I don’t wanna be bad anymore and make mommy mad. I just wanna stay. But I don’t want Julie to ride her bike and leave me with my scooter.”

“I know how you feel, its okay. Maybe we can find a way to get you a bike or something…” She shook her head. Just like me, I thought. She will be sad about something, but force herself to deal with it, and move on strong.

“No. I’m fine with my scooter. Maybe if I try to be good Santa will get me one for Christmas?” she guessed. I gave her a bright smile.

“Maybe, so you wanna go feed the ducks now?” She grabbed my hand as we stood up.

“Yes. That would be really fun!” we skipped and sang songs the whole way there and on our way back we had half of the other sisters singing and skipping with us. Crystal laughed the whole time as if she never even had a breakdown. That’s what I signed up for, that bubbling feeling I felt at that moment, soaring through my heart.

Saturday had come, and I sat in my garage drinking a warm Mountain Dew. The weekends were dull and lifeless without all the toothless smiles and tiny little voices surrounding me.

Crystal’s birthday was coming up, and besides a small party and some cake, the program did nothing special for the kids. They didn’t even give them a gift, only the party. Jordan told me that Crystal wanted dolls and a fancy tea party set, which he and his mom already bought for her. I shook my head. No, there had to be something else. Something that she really wants. I racked my brain for any ideas. I spent enough time with her. I knew a lot about her.

Her favorite color was sun shiny yellow, it’s either mozzarella sticks, or yummy chicken, she prefers flip flops, nothing is better than swimming, barbies aren’t your best friends, big sisters are (she got a whole Snickers bar for that one).

She had lived in 3 foster homes, prior to her adoption, 15 since she was 2 years old. She belonged to the system since her mom was a crack addict, and her father was locked up in a mental ward. She had one aunt, just like me on my dad’s side, and no cousins. No one knew the grandparents, so the safest choice was the system.

I adored her. We weren’t allowed to have favorites, but Crystal and I were inseparable. It was like watching my childhood right before my eyes. We did everything together, soon as kids started to leave the program, I stayed with her from Monday thru Friday. Even Jordan and Bailey claimed that I spent more time with her than anyone else. It was true, but Crystal reminded me of myself so much that we had a personal bond.

My eyes strayed over to the bike, which still looked perfect, minus the rusty chain and slightly deflated tires. “Mommy makes me and Julie share a bike…” Crystal’s voice echoed in my head. I jumped up, grabbed our only air pump and pumped up the tires. I asked mom to take us to Wal-Mart, and she did with no argument, saying we needed a few things. I dashed over to the bike aisle and looked for bicycle chain lube. I found one, and dropped it into mom’s cart, without her even noticing it. Once we got back, I oiled the chain and made sure the bike was ready. It was. I couldn’t wait to see Crystal riding it.

Instead of seeing Crystal riding it, a memory came to me. “Can I ride it?” I remembered asking my mom. The only time I rode that bike, was clear in my mind. All the feelings attached with the bike came back to me. I couldn’t give it to her; it was the only thing he ever gave me. It meant everything to me. I came in the garage at least once every day just to look at it, and know that daddy knew me, he thought of me.

Soft tears from long years of sorrow pooled in my eyes. I let the tears fall; I let the deep sadness in my heart fall from my eyes, and take air from my lungs. I curled up into a ball and cried myself to sleep, right there next to that bike. I couldn’t let it go, but I knew I had to. I knew I had to.

“Is that all my presents?” Crystal sighed as she ate the last bite of her marble cake. We were at one of the cleanest lakes in Florida.

“That’s all.” I said and swallowed hard. She had only 4 presents. When I turned 8, I had 5 times that. I had the bike stashed away, with its red streaming glory behind a tree. I brought it to give it to her, but I changed my mind.

“Lila… what did you get me?” When she said that, I sighed. I wasn’t a baby anymore, and it didn’t matter if that’s all my dad ever gave me, I had to let go. I needed to let go. Crystal was my sister!

“There’s one more present for you… I have to get it okay? So Bailey’s gonna watch you while I go get it. Now close your eyes and don’t open them until I say. Got it?” The biggest smile I had ever seen on her stretched across her face.

“Got it.” She replied and giggled. I ran off and walked the bicycle all the way back to the party site.

“Okay… Now open your eyes.” Crystal’s green eyes widened at the sight of the beautiful bike, her face turned full on red, her smile grew to where it nearly fell off her face.

“Sissy! You didn’t! You didn’t!” Instead of running towards the bike, she ran straight to me, her arms stretched and wide open. That was the first time she called me sissy. I dropped the bike and opened my arms and engulfed her in our first sisterly hug of love.

“I love you Lila. Thank you so much sissy. Thank you!” The rest of the volunteers and some of the staff members clapped, even some of the little kids clapped with them. “This is just what I wanted. Just what I wanted.” She whispered and picked up the bike. She pulled me down and wrapped her arms around my neck and gave my cheek a giant kiss.

“I will remember this forever. This is the best birthday ever! And it’s all because of you!” she said with happiness in her voice.

Crystal and I never met our father until I was 20, and she was 12. We had the same dad. Same bike, same dad. He suffered from manic bipolar illness, and also had many addictions. He had the same little green eyes, and faint freckles with dimples to match right on his face. He didn’t remember the bike, didn’t remember either of us. But that was okay. Crystal and I had each other. And my children would have the bike, which we would pass down to her children. We both sobbed over it too many times to give it away again. We decided to keep it in our family, to remind each other of the compassion we shared between each other over the years.

We named the bike Mercy.

“To remind us of shared suffering, shared happiness, and empathy, forever.” Crystal quoted.