If you could help me come up with a title that would be great!!
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It was December. It was beginning to get cold. We had been dating for 4 months. I still haven’t kissed her. “Julie, I have a question.”
“What is it babe?”
“Are you sure that this is what you want? I mean we have been dating for 4 months and you won’t even hold my hand.”
“You know how hard this is for me. I just don’t know.” She falters. I fear for the worst. She has been skeptical since she came out. I didn’t realize how torn up this made her. Maybe this wasn’t meant to be. Maybe it is best for our relationship if we just end it now and stay friends.
“Cassie,”
“Yea Julie?” I ask.
“It isn’t that I don’t want this. It is still raw for me, still weird for me. I think that we moved to fast. I don’t want to hurt you, but I think that it is best for me to take a break and think this over. To make sure that I am not rushing things. I don’t want to lead you on. I mean, what if I decide that I don’t want this. I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already am.” My heart aches inside. I look up with tears in my eyes, “Cassie, I want you to be happy, if that means not being with me. Then that is what I want for you.” I turn to walk away, she grabs my hand, “Cassie, I want you to realize that I do truly love you, I just don’t think that I am ready for this type of relationship quite yet.”
“I understand, I will wait for you as long as you need me too. Even if you tell me not to wait, I will.” I walk away. My heart heavy, my eyes filled. This was the beginning of the end for me.
2 Months Later
“Cassie!” I turn, Julie runs towards me.
“Hey Julie, what’s up? How you been?”
“I’ve been good. How ‘bout you?”
“I’ve been pretty good. So how is everything?”
“Well, I have been thinking, I know what I want. It isn’t a relationship like that with you, but I do want a friendship. But I owe you one thing.” She kisses me. Full on the lips, tounge searching for mine, kiss.
I push her off. “What are you doing? Don’t play me like that. I wanted that kiss 5 months ago. I don’t want it anymore. Why would you do something like that? If this isn’t the kind of relationship you didn’t want, why play like that?” She looks hurt. I feel bad, but she hurt me a lot worse. “I’m sorry Julie, if you don’t want a relationship like that with me, you can’t pull stuff like that. I want you as a friend, but nothing more because that isn’t what you want. I will always love you, you being my first girlfriend and all, but don’t do that. It hurts me more when you do stuff like that and makes it harder for me to get over you.”
“Sorry, Cassie. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Thank you for the experience. It makes me see a lot clearer now.” She walks away.
I sit here and watch her walk away. I think back on what would make her think that I would want a kiss from her after she told me she didn’t want a relationship. It just puzzles me. “Julie! Wait!” She turns back to look at me, I run to catch up with her. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to blow up on you. I was just hurt and in the moment. Please forgive me.” She nodded her head. She reached in for a hug, I let her. It was felt so good to be in her arms. I just wish we could stay like this forever.
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this was a pretty interesting little short. It seems pretty sad for the most part but I love that there is a very logical and normal sounding ending unlike some of the more dramatic endings that authors sometimes tend to prefer. There’s a really beautiful image there at the end and I love the fact that this has a really sweet ending.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy talk about a rushed start there. That was a very weird flow there from December and cold to dating and kisses just randomly like that.
Well at least that flow of thoughts is very realistic which is nice to see.
Well that seems kind of fake to me...but maybe I just look way too skeptically at things. Other than that it did feel fairly heartfelt like that person was actually at least somewhat sad about this and then the point of view person does seem like they are experiencing some actual sadness too.
Well that was an ominous statement there at the end.
Well that was nice of here. It seemed like a pretty sweet moment.
Well tha seems like maybe just a slight overreaction there but it was pretty understandable at least. Some ridiculous blowups do happen when it comes to relationships.
Well that was at least a sweet little ending. Definitely was nice to see that it was framed that way instead of ending in sadness for the two of them. And that was also a pretty nice feeling that you describe there to end things on. Really well done on the ending there.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this was a pretty fun story to read for the most part and it manages to seem fairly true to real life in how this love story progresses. I really love how you manage to bring the whole thing to life through expressing the thoughts and emotions that our POV character her is experiencing and also the dialogue while occasionally slightly clunky for the most part appears to be pretty natural and realistic.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I feel as if the first couple of sentences are too abrupt. Lay out the scene a little more. Where are they? What are they doing? What have the last four months been like? Who is she dating?
That last sentence didn't flow very well.
It wasn't a bad story by any means but I just felt it was a bit rushed. I didn't really like the ending, Julie's reaction and the conversation wasn't very realistic in my opinion.
I didn't feel very connected to the characters either. I don't know what either of them look like, what their past is like, anything. I don't feel anything for either of them, they're just kind of there. I think you could build up the characters a lot more, especially in the beginning as you set the scene.
Good luck in the contest!
-Carly