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I. L.O.V.E. Y.O.U.

by ShallowHouse


          In this day and age, everywhere you look, there are always advertisements to find, even in dark alleyways and inside trash bins. There's even an advertisement for someone to love.

                    Love. A fragile emotion, isn't it? Where many people considered it, I did not. After numerous failed attempts at love, I decided to stop and just go on alone with no ties to anyone. It's quite lonely. Yes. Lonely.

                              Offering at a price affordable even to me, someone to love, that seemed too much of a steal and out of impulse, I dialed and said "I want to have someone to love."

                                        "Very well, ma'am. It will arrive at your home within one-hundred and forty-three minutes."

                                        Even though I hung up with a smile, I cursed myself. I wasted money on something as superficial as this. Money can't buy me happiness, much less love and yet, I still yearned for it. Even after numerous failed attempts, I still wanted it. Even after deciding to go on alone, I felt like giving it a chance. One last time.

                              Yumi arrived lying down inside a glass capsule. Her every breath fogged the glass. Her arms looked so thin and so did her legs but I know she was strong. I could see the gaps between her synthetic skin. Her rose lips matched the color of her hair. I wondered what the color of her eyes were.

                    Only after unlocking the capsule did her eyes reveal their golden radiance. I never thought that I'd blush in front of someone like her but… I did. Maybe this is the start of something. I know it will be slow progress. Ups and downs. But I hope I can make this work. We can make this work.

          Ultimately, it sometimes failed and sometimes succeeded. Love is full of ups and downs.


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Wed Jun 17, 2020 12:23 pm
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legolas1122 says...



wow !
:)




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Sun May 31, 2020 10:38 pm
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Tenyo wrote a review...



Hey Shallowhouse!

As a complete story I find it a bit difficult to see where the plot arc is. I completely agree with Em16, there are things in the introspection that are quite relatable, especially to a modern audience. The fear of love being commercialised feels quite ripe in current society.

Is the name Yumi a reference to a reference to Japanese culture? I know that the fear of organic love being replaced for mechanical love is quite strong in that culture, and Yumi is a Japanese name. It's also the word for an archery bow.

It's really interesting that her body was designed to be robotic enough that the gaps could be seen through the synthetic skin, but she still had lungs and moisture for her to fog up the glass. It's a little bit creepy, and made me question for a second whether they had actually delivered a real person instead. Creepy, but good! I think it's that sense of uncanny valley what makes these kinds of stories feel so unnerving.

Definitely needs to be longer, but otherwise this is a good concept.




ShallowHouse says...


Thank you so much for the review!
Yes, Yumi and her entirety is definitely a reference to Japanese culture, with heavy reference to ghost in the shell! X3



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Mon May 25, 2020 12:22 am
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YoursTruly says...



Question: Was there a reason you have different indentations?
But rather than that, I like how you tie the part about advertisements in with love. I also love the play on words with her name. Rather than that, overall, good job. This piece made me really think like how things will be in the future with A. I.




ShallowHouse says...


Heyyo! Thank you for the comment and yes! There was a reason for the differing indentations! The devil is in the details, though I'm not quite sure whether I pulled it off as much as I hoped! X3



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Sat May 23, 2020 1:50 am
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Em16 wrote a review...



Hey! This piece was great. I love the way you started out talking about advertisements, and then quickly shifted to love. It’s so ominous. Advertisements represent commercialism, which should be the opposite of love. But yet you find a way to link them, and, in a way, devalue love (at least that’s how I interpreted it).
The third paragraph was also amazing. It’s so simplistic, and yet I think there is something incredibly heartbreaking in the way the speaker says “I want to have someone to love”. I think a lot of people, including me, can relate to that sentiment. The idea that you can call a number and find someone to love is so tempting. I also love how the person on the other side of the phone is so professional, and even tells the speaker how long it will take to ship the “someone to love”. It’s such a little detail, but adds so much to the story.
I love the description of Yumi as well. (Is her name pronounced yummy? If so, that’s a really clever detail.) The way the speaker describes her is so loving. She’s the only thing in the story that gets that amount of in depth detail . And I love the way you mentioned the speaker blushed at seeing her. You were able to communicate the speaker’s feelings without expressly telling the reader how they feel.
The only critique I would have is it felt a little rushed. This felt like a short summary of something larger and longer. For example, you start out talking about advertisements, but that’s only two sentences. I would suggest making it longer, so the theme of commercialism is more developed. Just take your time, and really elaborate and build on each idea to its fullest extent. Maybe you could describe some of the speaker’s past failures at love- you don’t have to give a detailed list of what happened, even a few allusions to mistakes and failures would really add to the story. You could also describe the period of waiting, where the speaker was anticipating the arrival of his “love”. What did he do? What was it like waiting for her? Did he straighten up his house, in attempt to make it more impressive? I would just encourage you to make the story move a little slower, to allow more time for the ideas and themes to develop. More space for poignant, emotion-filled sentences.
Other than that, though, this was great! It was so unique and original, and I loved the narrative voice and the intense emotions.




ShallowHouse says...


Thank you sooo so much for the review!
Love, is kind of a commodity now, with all the dating sites and legitimate business where you can rent a boyfriend/girlfriend and in a way it values and devalues love!
I intended for her name to be pronounced as You-Me which, is my attempt at an allusion to love! X3
And you've caught me ;w; it was a rushed job. I wasn't able to sleep last night and spent an hour to make this. I didn't even think of editing much of it and just published it as soon as I felt like it's done ;w;
But I'm truly grateful for the feedback and I'll take more time in making some scenes longer because that's what I've been struggling with for a long while ;w;
Thank you so much! <3 <3 <3



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Sat May 23, 2020 12:45 am
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JesseWrites wrote a review...



I'm back at another review!

FORMAT-

It's indented, which is rare, but correct. I applaud you for that.

Also, last statement broken with a ellipsis. Alright, but a little sloppy. A tilde would be neater. It doesn't matter as both are fitting. Just wanted to bring it up.

ERROR-

Offering at a price affordable even to me, someone to love, that seemed too much of a steal and out of impulse, I dialed and said "I want to have someone to love."


said, "I want to have someone to love."

SUGGESTIONS-

Stretch out the timing of the piece. It makes it longer.

Good day,
JesseWrites/Haley





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