It is too quiet.
Spinning circle goes around.
Blast of music starts.
Points:
Time spent:
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Canary word: Present
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137,703 Literary Works • 672,063 Reviews
Hi, Shalie! Here's my review to your short poem!
I love how this is so humorous. Instead of having "general", you should've put "humor" instead or realistic, since this is truly what happens.
I also realized that this is a haiku, therefore giving it a rather cut-off feel.
If anyone was patient enough to read this, they would think, "Hm, what is quiet? Is this one of those typical poems where they say silence is better than none? What does this have to do with buffering?"
This poem easily shows what it means in the next two lines as being very short.
Ooh... clue, clue! By now, most people watching videos probably know what is going on, but for the confused...
Yes! Yes! This is what happens. Suddenly, if you put the volume to high, it explodes, creating a sound that fills the room. It shows such deep meaning!
Well, I can't keep going easy on you! Take out your paper shields!
You need less periods, maybe no punctuation at all, or more commas. That's just it is.
I noticed you entered this in a contest, so you had to follow a format. I salute you for that.
To conclude, the poem was short, with a lot of hidden meaning. The potential it has is up to 100%. Thank you for sharing this with me.
Keep writing!
~Kitty
Thanks for the comments and reviews so far.
I simple Haiku. Love it, and keep it up.
~The dark one.
Haha, I really liked this. It was nice and simple(well most haiku are, but still...) it just had something in it that most people could relate to and it was a nice short bit of comedy. It brought a smile to my face and it was overall a good haiku.
Keep writing
Well, at the moment. It is 4, 7, 5. Change the top line "quite" to "quiet" and you have 5 syllables. Which is what I think you meant to do in the first place.
But, I guess this is good... I don't really do haiku's... But you got your syllables right, which is good!
-Clarity.
Thanks. That was what I meant to do. Because I counted a few times. I'll fix it. Thanks.