Remember You

Hello!

This is such a bittersweet poem. I love how the speaker references particular moments in their past history with this other person, and you did such a good job expressing this emotion of reminiscing the memories they shared. It's very personal, really. It's relatable in that sense.

So I stared at your opening stanza for a long time 'cause I wanted to like it. I loved the simplicity of it, asking if they remembered things, and then the rest of the poem just answering those questions. Then I got to thinking it could probably be scrapped, and the poem will still work, still stand on its own. It's hard for me to say 'cause I really like that second line where the shadows are still standing beside the speaker. It's such a strong image, but the rest of the stanza doesn't really stand as strong and could probably be written or scrapped entirely. I like the idea of just starting with remembering and going into these memories, then the end explains that the speaker is reminiscing because they're gone now. It's a personal opinion most likely, but it might be worth thinking about.

Remember the summer when we were together?
We listened to songs we loved
Now only all the songs are left
With an empty rhythm.

Remember the fall when we talked everynight?
It wasn't cool but still I felt warm in my heart
When you said you'd never left
But this fall my heart feels empty.

i loved this it was really good and held a lot of imagery/ memories that the reader can connect to. I also liked how you seperated the stanzas and escpecially how you used the seasons to describe how the love felt. I like the rawness of it and how it feels as if even though they are gone your still always going to remember them and that may be all that is left to do when someone leaves. Overall a good poem and there was nothing I found wrong with it. Thankyou for writing and I hope to see more from you soon.

Hello,

This is a nicely-written poem! I love the imagery and the emotion being conveyed from each line. You did a great job of really expressing the feelings of this character using their thoughts and questions. I like how you also showed this person's memories throughout each season to really show the beauty in their relationship... and how the last stanza revealed all of these as just memories. There are just a couple things I want to point out. (All the examples that I pull from your poem to correct are written with hyphens)

-- "Remember the fall when we talked everynight?" --

In this quotation, "every night" is two words, that's only a minor typo.

-- "When you said you'd never left" --

I was sort of confused when reading through this line because it is in the past tense. This stanza is talking about a memory in Fall, and this line makes it sound like he had already left at that time. I would recommend changing this line and the line after this to: "You said you'd never leave... And this fall my heart feels empty."

-- "I never felt that much warm" --

In this line, "warm" can instead be written as "warmth".

-- "I could still feel the warmth but you're not here" --

This line is a bit harder to tell between using "could" or "can". Both those words are kind of iffy when thinking about the tenses, but I'm pretty sure the right word is "can". This keeps the present tense consistent since you end with the word "here".

That's all I have to say! Overall, this is a really great poem, and I love the idea and everything.

Keep Writing