(P.S. - You can choose to review only the poem, instead of the post as a whole)
I hadn't heard from him since then.
Or rather, I hadn't heard from him since then - until he contacted me today.
He entered back into my life through what started as a feeble knock on my doorstep.
I finally heard him, and welcomed him into my household excitedly.
He had these words to impart:
"My apologies for the sudden shutdown of communications. I... have had to face a variety of health issues, but I finally feel strong enough to impart... this.", he said, while dusting off an old musty tome of his.
I picked it up in anticipation. I was not disappointed.
"There are more than a 100 poems in here! This is stupendous!", I exclaimed.
The reply came swiftly, proving that my outburst was expected, "These are pieces of poetry written by me in what now feels to be... a distant life. One I'm afraid I cannot return to. Moreover, a vast number of these need work, so only approximately half of them are, in fact, suitable for sharing with your patient audience."
I was worried. The health condition he had mentioned wasn't anything fatal, but must certainly have caused challenges in the life of this poet.
One particularly moldy page stuck out to me.
"The storm... tell me about the storm."
The reply came in whisper.
"A letter from my past to this weary present self, warning me of the future I am treading through even now, urging me to not lose hope, and carry on with strength."
(Approx Date of Poem's Origin: 20th of April, 2017)
(P.S. 2 - If you enjoyed this, be sure to like my FB page to be the first to see my content! http://bit.ly/2tVIZzp)
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Canary word: Present
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140,685 Literary Works • 673,594 Reviews
Hi! I'll be focusing my review on the poem itself rather than the story attached. One of my issues with this image is that it's extremely difficult to read the actual poem -- purple on a dark gray background doesn't really work well. It's very clashing and makes it difficult to make out the words. I'll do my best.
This stanza basically says "I'm not going to do anything". Also, the addition of "frown" to line 3 makes it obvious that you're only choosing words to match your prescribed rhyme scheme. I'd recommend abandoning it if you can't make the poem sound good and mean something at the same time.First off, your first stanza seems to have a rhythm that the rest of the poem doesn't. The lines are all approximately the same length and have similar beats. It confused me when I went onto stanza 2 because I expected more of the beat, but apparently this is rhyming free verse.
The words you use aren't strong at all. Your phrases are pretty weak actually. The first stanza is impressive and promises great things of the poem, but then the second stanza says... practically nothing.
Super awkward phrasing. "So I'll drink it down like ale" would fit your rhythm more, and it wouldn't call to mind some ancient poet trying to act like they're a sailor.
Your lines in general don't make sense because you seem to care more about your rhyme than you do about the actual content of the poem. I'd recommend taking a look at the poem without focusing on the rhyme, or writing it out like sentences to see if it makes sense.
Keep writing!
Hello there!
Thanks for your informative review!
Yes, the poem's 'beat' is personal and powerful to me, but won't necessarily translate to all my viewers - especially due to the lack of pronunciation here - something I'll work on in the future.
I love how you pointed out that the second stanza says "I'm not going to do anything" - since this was exactly how I wanted my readers to interpret it. It's meant to symbolize turning away from your problems, and waiting for them to settle down. :3
Essentially, each stanza of the poem describes a different way to deal with the "storm" - the problems - of one's life. The content was enjoyable for me and some of my IRL friends, but clearly I need to improve since it seemed somewhat nonsensical to you.
Thanks once again - I'll definitely keep writing!
Hi there.
Your poem is excellent!
But you know u could have shorted the first para. Well, in our country we don't call this kind of writing poetry. This is regarded as stories which contain a poem. Cause your poem is short than the para.(That's what I think.)
On the whole, your poem is really good. I like the poems which are started like this. But if the para is a little short, I enjoy reading it.
Please don't mind my review. I liked it a lot!
Hoping to get more from you. Keep it up!
I felt the story had to be longer since I was explaining my own absence and subsequent return - but I do agree that it could still have been made shorter.
I'm glad that yo liked the poem, and will be sure to be posting more, with shorter stories. :3
Thanks for your review!
Radrook here for a review. Please feel free to reject any advice deemed unhelpful. Apologies if I offend. Not my intention. That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this short story about a poet who appears at the speaker’s doorstep with a mysterious tome of poetry. Of course as a reader I feel eager to find out how the rest of the story goes. So the story did manage to attract interest in my case.
Suggestions
Word economy is very important. That is we must always try to say things with as few words as possible. That means that every word that isn’t necessary should be deleted. Also to be avoided is purple prose. Please read the following article.
http://www.reed.edu/writing/grammar_rev ... onomy.html
[My apologies for not getting in contact with you. I was very ill. Now that I feel better I can offer you this,” he said.]
[He reappeared one day at my doorstep. I was glad to see him and invited him inside.]
.
[There are one-hundred poems....]
Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Hmm, I knew about word economy, but didn't think about the problem of purple prose. And yet, reading your article points me towards some red flags - thanks for that!
I appreciate your suggestions, but in a sense, I feel the preacher and atmosphere is *supposed* to be 'too elaborate'. Still, I admit that the piece could be made less wordy.
In conclusion, thanks for the excellent review that gives me a lot to think about, moving forward. However, I wish you could also have found the time to review my poem - it's what I was looking forward to the most.
Sorry about the poem. I will try to see the poem more clearly by putting on my glasses. I see double as well due to a lazy eye and that causes me problems. Will get back to you on that.
Ah, I didn't realize that. 0_0
It's completely alright, thanks a ton for what you've already done - you can attempt the poem review whenever you feel like it.
I'll be sure to keep normal text along with the image in the future!
Thanks for the empathy. Much appreciated. Please note that I sent a review via pm yesterday late evening.
Yes, just noticed it and replied - thanks again! :3