Young Writers Society

Hi, I’m Riles!

I wanted to start off by saying that your poem was super thought-provoking and I enjoyed reading it. It was mostly rythmic and lyrical, and I especially loved the way certain lines were pretty poignant.

I say “mostly” rythmic and lyrical because there was a few lines that interuppted the flow as I was reading it. This mostly started happening in the “I want” section. It almost went from a poem to a list. Although obviously in the poem right then you are just listing things, but I think that section could be really stunning if the flow was smoother. Perhaps cut some unnecessary words out, or see if one word can replace a string of words and mean the same thing.

There were several lines here that I really loved. “Maybe one last chance at saying goodbye.” This line is really strong. And the rhyming with “die” in the previous line was really spot on. “Honestly, I won’t lie.” I love that line! It’s simple, but shows vulnerability. I am, however, a bit confused about the line following that. “Answer no longer from me will you have to pry.” Is that supposed to be “Answers”? This line seems a bit mixed up, and I don’t really understand it

Overall, this is a really strong poem! I loved reading it, it was so poetic and beautiful. Keep up the awesome work!

Hey there,

I'm here to review your lovely poem on the reflection of a passing life.

I enjoyed the way that you covered a topic that's been covered time and time again in poetry and prose in a way that wasn't cliche or overly dramatized, but honest, reflectively, and philosophically.

There were several lines that pulled at the heart-strings, "maybe one last chance to say good bye" being one of them.

I have to say that the lines that went really long felt a little stilted, and the flow wasn't quite as good. Try to make those few lines a bit shorter if possible. Although I know the rhyme scheme is hard enough to preserve as well.

The story that you began the poem with was an interesting set-up although not completely necessary either, since I think people can easily fill in the details of their own experiences of loved ones passing with a poem like this. I do wonder if you could perhaps make that beginning a bit more poetic - maybe by changing up the formatting or adding the use of more metaphor or figurative language in it. Or you could even end in another prose reflection/end of the story. Just a thought, to make the piece feel more cohesive as a literature unit.

Lastly, I think that the tone was a bit odd at the end. I think for a poem about death ending in the word "demise" it ends on a sort of sour note. The stanza that preceded it might even be a better ending.

Overall, it was a simple poem, but I think it spoke truthfully and packed a punch.

~alliyah

Your work is good. I liked the way you started it.

Actually, it's true that we must all die. So, we should think about it.

nice work. keep it up..

Hi! I love how there's a short, novel-like aspect to the beginning of this, and then how you have the poem on the image.

Your grammar is great. Bravo to you for that. However, your pacing feels just a little disjointed at times. The first stanza's last line reads entirely too long for the stanza, yet the second stanza feels unfinished to me. You may be a fan of grouping your lines in threes, but i often feel, especially in poems with rhyme schemes, that the stanzas read feeling unfinished.

Also, something that feels disjointed in this is the insertion of the "I want." It simply reads as something that was shoved in there. If I could suggest something, I think it would flow a bit better if you inserted another line in the next-to-last stanza of the piece, what would be the last line of the stanza, something to affect of "This is what I want for when I die."

One more thing: there are more forms of punctuation than just question marks and commas, and don't be afraid to use them! Periods help with pacing a lot, and the help the reader know when to pause to take things in. In school, when you're taught to read poems, you're taught to read punctuation mark to punctuation mark, regardless of line breaks. If I do that with your piece, I get a jumbled, unpaced piece. Just my opinion, disregard if you want.

Altogether, great job and keep writing!

Hi, I'm here for a little review

The story you wrote above adds a nice addition for the poem you wrote below. Another person might say it almost creates a happy mood, but it gives light to what's really going on (someone's dying.)

The meter in this poem is very prominent, but one line,

"Just as I will in my grave when Death comes for me one day"

"What do I want for when I die?"