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140,396 Literary Works • 673,154 Reviews
Hey there Fellow Young Writers Society Member, Speakerskat here to do a review yet again for the Tsunami Tyrants!
First off I just want to say thta I LOVE the legnth of this poem. ome poems about love just go on and on and on and ON! Repeating the same thisng over and often get really boring zzzzzzz. But I like yours a lot. I would consider re formatting though and putting it into the traditonal "poetic format" if you know what I mean. I believe Geelyria mentioned that already so... I think the last line "I love you, forever and ever babe" is just a little cliche. But I loved how you used the stars in your description.
Nice work and Keep it up
~Speakerskat
Hi there, ShadowsKittykat.
I am GeeLyria (obviously,lol), and I'm here to review for you. I'll start off by admitting that even though this is a short poem, I had to read it twice to understand that first sentence. Maybe it's because of the complexity of the sentence itself, the incorrect use of punctuation, and the repetition of the adjective "limitless". I get what you're saying now; I am pretty sure that you've created a simile where you compare your endless love to the uncountable stars in the sky. However, I would suggest you to find a synonym for "limitless" to replace one of them. Not only would it keep the readers from being confused, but it would also give it a little touch of creativity and variety, which is good.
I would also divide this in lines and make it look nice and neat, instead of leaving it like one huge run-on sentence, because it's confusing! In other words, your poetry needs a little professional touch in order for it to be taken seriously and to be enjoyable. Here's an example of how I'd do it.
That's pretty much all I'll say. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me. Aye? See ya around!
~GeeLyria
To start...."'coz" isn't a word, if you really love someone take the time and spring for the full "because" (It doesn't disrupt the flow of the poem). I'd also say that the repetition of limitless while it does make sense is fairly boring, try looking up "synonyms for limitless" online or use some other sentiment to express your love.
-Sincerely, your neighborhood grammar Nazi
P.S. One last thing is because its poetry you might want to write it in a regular poetry format with the lines
stacked,
like,
this.
That's really personal preference though. Good luck!