Roses and Lillies

Hi there, ShadowsKittykat.

So.... Hands on deck, 'cause I'm here to review. I think you have the potential to write a poem without the help of the "Roses are red" line. To be honest, that line is so worn out it makes me want to yawn, and I simply can't take it seriously; it's more a joke than anything these days.

But back to the point; you managed to keep the flow of the poem nice and neat. You ended the first line with "white" and the second with "sight", same with "say" and "lay" in the last two lines, and I found it to be enjoyable. However, I really think it would be great if you could take the third and fourth line to try to express them in other words. What I'm trying to say is that "I love you, forever is just me and you" is ridiculously cliche; people have written the exact same thing so many times it hurts.

I believe you have the potential to insert some of your personality and creativity into your poetry. And the truth is that's the reason why I read; to get to know how other people see the world and who they are. So, yes. I hope to see more from you. Keep writing!

~GeeLyria

Hello S.K

I think your poem was sweet. Even though it was short it had enough emotion in there to make it pretty. Now I have some little corrections for you:

Roses are red (comma here would be suited) lillies are white,
I hope you never leave my sight, (instead of a comma this should be a full stop.)
I love you,
forever is (should be it's) just me and you,
I'll always be yours no matter what they say,
so even after death (comma) together (comma) forever we will lay.

The last sentence is a little bit awkward. It's a mouthful to say outloud. I suggest you change it to, 'so even after death we will lay together forever.

I think you need to work a little bit on rhythm - the poem seems a little disjointed - but apart from that it was a nice.

Deanie x

This poem is so sweet I luv it.

I like the over all feel of this poem, and the themes of loyalty and devotion are represented very well. However, the flow seems a bit forced at points, and some of the lines feel like they could use a little rewording. Though the third and fourth lines are useful for introducing the full extent of the devotion, I like it would read better if they were together and a new line was add afterward. Aside from a few punctuation errors, the rest of it seems fine to me.