Today my best friend captivates
the audience seated before her.
Today my best friend hypnotizes
with the melody from her heart.
Today my best friend radiates
warmth into the air around her.
Today my best friend sings
to the world a work of art.
Sons and daughters,
lovers and friends,
neighbors and the like
watch in anticipation
her final serenade.
Their breaths catch in their throats,
their bodies start to shake,
but no one can see
the teardrop running
down her porcelain face.
She cares them away
on every note
like the angel of death
drawing out the souls of the deceased,
and they cannot help
but to be struck with awe
as she sways from back to forth.
Concluding with a bow,
applause filling the room,
she chooses to look at no one,
no one but me.
In this moment,
we are alone,
floating through the blackened space of familiarity,
entwined only by our shared gaze.
Her wings,
once again,
protrude from her back
and protects us from
the strange,
cruel
world.
I can't hear it,
but it's there,
the word she tries to speak.
Please, please, please!
She is a golden bird
caged by the attention,
but I do not have the key.
She hopes for freedom,
fears the confinement,
but in her hold she stays.
So she turns her head,
and we fall to earth,
and that is the last
I see
of my best friend.
We strayed away
like different planets,
her’s that orbits heaven
and mine that orbits hell.
Nowadays, I float misguided,
an astronaut without a tether,
a ship without a port.
She was my muse,
my Juliet,
but poisoned my heart has become.
It begs for her comfort,
her melody,
to taste the kiss of death.
But I am but a living corpse
wandering the pits of the unknown,
neither dead nor alive,
but sometimes,
just sometimes,
I look up and I can see
a twinkle in the stars
and hear the crowds cheer her name.
One day she will return,
I know it.
She will be free,
I know it.
We will be together again,
I know it,
and live forevermore.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello! A quick review from me
First impression:
When I first read this, I can see the tension between the narrator and the girl, who became the person he loved. It was as if he knew they cannot be together, but then narrator longed for her still. It's a melancholic bittersweet poem that describes, for me, the awestruck painful pangs of one-sided love.
Actual Review:
In the first part, we see the narrator admiring his best friend and it's obvious his admiration is more than just of a friend. The description of her is delicate, gentle, and beautiful. It reeks of admiration, pride, awe, and, as we see later, love.
This part feels like a movie (or a Korean drama moment to be exact if you know what I mean). Time seems to stop as the moment shared between the two freezes all sorts of movement and distraction. It's as if the spotlight has been focused on each other and them alone. I like how you described it because it also helps us witness that moment without having to visually express it. In essence, your words painted a vivid, intimate, and beautiful picture in our minds.
I'm not sure what the third to the last part of the poem means. Either I may have missed something or need extra info. But this may tie in with their past. Perhaps this "one-sided" love is actual mutual attraction. Or she is afraid to love the narrator back. For what reason we are left in the dark.
The second to the last portion was the one that showed the narrator's sorrow the most. It's poetic way of expressing one's longing for the person. Personally, I would make this part less metaphorically, because realistically we won't be this poetic when we are put in our deepest depths. We will just feel emotion and hurt and emotion and hurt over again. But this is just a personally preference. I think this approach is wonderful as well.
The last part ends with a glimmer of hope. And it is a beautiful conclusion to this poem. Three times it says, "I know it". Perhaps, it will come true.
Summary:
Overall, despite melancholic, the poem is a beautiful piece that describes love that one cannot attain but so deeply wants it. Well done!
This is alpacaboss, signing off.
Hello there! This is loveissourgrapes and I am here to write you a review/comment. You are a very writer! It is good that your readers like me, can feel the emotions of this poem. Since I saw this in the Green Room and it had just one review. So I planned to review it. Plus, I love writings with one-sided love *cries*.
It feels very heartfelt and sad yet beautiful. He wants her but he can't have the girl he wants. It feels like it was also something in old poetry. Writing-wise, the structure of your poem is good. I love how your words mixed together. Good job on your writing! Keep doing it too! Have a good day/night!
Hi, tropical mango here for a quick review. This poem had amazing imagery, managed to hit all the emotional omphs and was personal. The use of language and structuring was amazing as well.
The way you twist words ot make certain scenes and moments appear was if in a vacuum is impressive. The moment where the two looks at each other feel like there is no one else on this earth other than both of them, all he wants is her but he will not get her.
Despite the sadness, the poem manages to end on a hopeful note, with the change adding depth and quality to the poem.
Overall this was really heartfelt, genuine and beautiful.
Keep up the good work!!
Lots of love, tropical mango.