I find inspiration in the strangest things xD
Seven For A Secret - Part 1
A soft breeze ruffled the grass as a crow landed on a wooden beam. It alerted twelve-year-old Sammy Conners to the black bird watching her from its perch on the old timber fence. She stared at it for a long moment, tilting her head to one side in avid curiousity. The bird mimicked the action.
."One for sorrow," she said, giving the crow a small smile. The bird was still for a long minute, and then it blinked. Once. As if in agreement to her assessment. "Only one?"
The bird cawed at her and fluffed its wings up before hopping off the fence and gliding gently to the grass halfway between Sammy and the fence. There was a rustle of wings and when she looked up, a second crow sat on the fence.
"Two for joy," she sing-songed and the second crow squawked at her, seeming to laugh. Sammy grinned at the crows and turned back to playing with her doll. "Is that it? Am I meant to be happy today?"
The crow on the fence cawed at her and shook itself. Then it seemed to give the first crow a look that Sammy couldn't understand. She frowned at them, abandoning her doll to the small patch of dirt in front of her. The first gave a laugh-like squawk and flapped its wings. The second merely looked at it. There was the rustle of wings again and Sammy looked up just in time to see a third crow settled on a branch high up in the tree on the other side of the old timber fence. She stared at it as it looked from the first crow to the second and back. As she watched, a fourth joined it on the tree branch.
"Three for a girl," she said, no longer amused. Then she frowned. "Four for a boy." All four crows turned their beady gazes on her. Sammy swallowed, suddenly scared. She didn't like the way they were looking at her, like she was the lamb and they were the wolves. "I don't like this game anymore."
A fifth crow landed near the second crow on the fence while she sat there, doll forgotten on the ground near her knees. Something compelled her to continue the ryhme, and no matter how hard she fought not to say the words, it came out anyway.
"Five for silver."
The next one, the sixth, landed on a branch beside crows three and four. Sammy clamped her mouth shut and glared at the crows. She was not going to say it, was not, no matter how tempted she was to say it--or how compelling it might be. She wasn't going to finish the rhyme!
But it came out anyway, just like the last line; "Six for gold."
Sammy started sobbing, begging them not to say the last line. She really didn't want to finish the ryhme. The crows were starting to really frighten her. Terrify, even. She sobbed when she heard another crow land, wings rustling loudly in her ears. It cawed loudly and Sammy looked up with a gasp. This crow was bigger than the others, and it looked hungry.
"I really don't like this game anymore," she said, pouting at the seven crows staring at her. "Seven for a secret.....never to be told."
The seventh crow cawed softly and hopped off the fence, gliding towards her. As she watched it glide, its feather fell off and faded away into nothing, and by the time it reach the ground in front of her, it was no longer a crow. It was a boy. He was older than her with fine, sharp features, dark hair and entrancing grey-green eyes, much like a crow's. Sammy stared, eyes wide.
"It wasn't a game," he said and held out his hand to her, palm up. Sammy, in the face of the boy's unnatural beauty, forgot her fear. She looked at the pale, pale hand then back up at his face. The boy smiled at her. "Won't you can away to the Fair Lands with me?" Then he gestured behind to the other crows, and Sammy looked. Six more boys stood there, all as equally beautiful as the boy before her, with the same dark hair and eerie eyes. "With us?"
Sammy looked at him, and then at the other six boys. She nodded. "Okay," she said and took the seventh boy's hand. He grinned at her and helped her to her feet. Then he led her over to the fence, the other six boys moving to make way for them. "What are the Fair Lands like?"
The seventh boy merely smiled and said, "They're beautiful, Sammy. You'll love it there." And he reached out to press his free palm to the fence. The seven crow boys and little Sammy disappeared in a flash of bright light. When the light faded, there were seven black feathers sitting on the ground beside the fence--the only evidence of what had happened and no more than that.
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Hi, straight to the point. This story made me remember my school days where we use to play that game of crows, though I don't know what happens for six and seven crows. But, now I know. And back to the story there wasn't really any kind of mistakes as such.The story line was so simple and yet you had me going on. You do get inspiration from strange things
. Can't wait to read your other chapters.Good luck. Keep writing! 
Opening line is everything. The instant I start reading I notice this line is far too long and far too run off. I am completely confused. First it was a crow, then it was a blackbird. (I then realize you are describing the crow) Try something like this. (also use twelve not 12, it looks nicer) Additionally its a short story so surnames are not really necessary but its up to you, personally I feel it sounds nicer without.
"A soft breeze ruffled the grass as a crow landed on a wooden beam. It alerted twelve year-old Sammy of its presence, watching her from its perch on the old timber fence."
I am going to be harsh and say that no matter how much you love that sentence as it is now, it is simply far too long and complex. You need to turn it into two.
The ending is sweetish, but unknown. I previously wrote something here but after reading the first sentence of part two deleted it because I thought I missed something but then came back and read this and noticed I didn't. Long story.
This is definitely a nice refresher to writing! It was a really unique and original idea that captivated me the entire time. Your sentences flow together nicely, giving good description of the scene and its characters.
This has a lot of potential to be something much greater and if you ever expand upon it I want to know! I loved it! I hope that you keep writing these amazing pieces and keep you chin held high even in the face of fear!
Keep On Writing!!!
--Jalmoc
<3
Hey Scar!
Shady here with a review for your piece.
~ Yeah, that's totally not a word, dude. I think you you were going for "Terrify".
~Typo.
~ Is Sammy a girl or not?
~ Not sure what you were going for here, but "sodtly" isn't a word.
~~~
Alright!
The last paragraph is a bit hard to follow, because of the dialogue of two different people and the action being mashed up together.
But I liked this story. It was simple, yet intriguing. I'm very interested to know what happens to little Sammy in part two-- and willing to read on (and review) if you want my help with it.
If you have any questions or need any more help, feel free to wall or PM me.
Keep writing!
~Shady
Thanks for the review. I knew there were a few mistakes I needed to fix. As for the last "paragraph", see my reply to Soul's comment.
Scarlett Darling! Must say I truly like this story!
Well I must say, that the third? paragraph is rather hard to read considering its all one giant paragraph which I'm sure could be separated into smaller ones. I enjoyed the twist near the end and hope there might be more, considering it says Part 1. As you know I'm not good with reviewing grammar or spelling so I'm going to say that I found it a nice story and can't wait to read more.
Soulkana<3
Thanks Sol. It's not meant to be one paragraph, but posting on a tablet screwed with spacing, and I can't fix it. It's annoying the hell out of me x.x
That's okay <3 I still loved it ^^
Thank you <3 Glad you love it!