Well. Here is the third chapter of my story. Enjoy! And don't forget--you can ask questions and crit is welcome.
Chapter 3.
Kiera sat down on her bed and flicked open the book....only to find that every single page was blank. She stared at it for a moment, blinking. Confused, she snapped it shut and opened it again. Again, it was blank—every single page void of words.
She snapped it shut again and stared at the cover. The silver lettering glinted back at her from the dark red cover. She sighed.
“What the hell,” she said and tossed the book onto her bed. “Stupid book....”
A few minutes later, Kiera stood up and crossed to the window, which overlooked the front of the house. She saw the old, battered silver Subaru coming down the drive and grinned. That would be Declan and Natasha.
Kiera left her room at a run, completely forgetting about the book which her grandmother had told to keep with her at all times. Luckily this would not be one of those moments where the villain tries to steal the greatest weapon of all...
Kiera flew down the hall, then the stairs and slid to a stop in the entrance hall. The butler had appeared but she waved him off. Kiera would answer the door personally. The butler shot her a glare before sticking his noise up into the air and heading back down the hall towards the kitchens.
Before there was even a knock on the door, Kiera had it open and was watching her friends walk over to the mansion from Declan’s car.
“Declan!” Kiera called. “Natasha! Come on in, guys. You look beat.”
As if to prove Kiera’s point, Natasha stifled a yawn making all three of them chuckle.
“What?” Natasha asked sleepily. “I had to work all night and all day again.”
“At least you weren’t ‘on call’ all bloody weekend,” Declan muttered as he stepped past Kiera and into the warm entrance hall.
“Oh, quit complaining, Declan!” Natasha muttered through another yawn as she followed at a much slower pace. She was definitely tired.
Declan just shook his head and trudged past Kiera, towards the stairs. A moment later and Natasha was inside as well and Kiera had closed the door behind them.
“This way,” Kiera said and the trio made their way upstairs and back to Kiera’s room. “Natasha, you can crash here. No one’s expecting you back home, right?”
Declan muttered something that sounded vaguely like ‘My parents won’t care’ that included several choice swear words. Kiera decided to ignore that and pushed her bedroom door all the way open.
Natasha headed for the bed fell face down on it. She didn’t move for a moment and then she rolled over. She stared up at the high ceiling while Kiera retrieved her book and went to sit in the window seat with Declan.
“This is what you wanted to show me?” he asked, eyeing the book sceptically.
Kiera twisted it around in her hands, the silver letters reflecting the light and drawing Declan’s eye.
“Hey,” he said and reached out for the book. Kiera hesitated, about to pull the book away.
“What?” she asked.
“What’s this writing on the cover?” Declan asked gently tugging the book out of Kiera’s hands. He turned it so the silver words on the cover caught the light and stared at them. “I...I know these words,” he whispered.
Kiera stared at him. How the hell did he know that?
“The Chronicles of Losthurin,” he murmured and opened the book....to find blank pages. Again. “What the hell is with this stupid book?” he snapped and slammed it closed again.
“It did that earlier,” Kiera said and then recited the whole story of being in the library last time she could read it.
Suddenly they both froze and looked at each other.
“The library,” they said at the same time, then the laughed.
“Well,” Declan said slowly. “You could read it while you were in the library, right?” Kiera nodded and took the book back, flicking through it.
“Yeah,” she said. “Right now, it’s empty. I bet that if we go back into the library, then we’ll be able to read it.”
Declan opened his mouth to rely when a sudden booming sound cut him off. The pair looked at each other in surprise and then out the window. While they had been talking, it had started to rain, heavily. Kiera looked back at Declan just as a brilliant light lit up the room and the surrounding countryside.
Both of them jumped as more thunder resounded throughout the building, shaking the old mansion’s foundations and rattling its windows.
“What the hell?” Natasha exclaimed from the bed across from the window.
She looked towards them just as another brilliant flash of lightning lit up the room. Kiera stood and quickly back away from the window with Declan not far behind.
“Where the hell did that come from?” Declan gasped, dropping down bedside Natasha who still sat on the bed, covering her eyes.
“I have no idea,” Kiera replied and then she looked down at the book. “Come on,” she urged. “We’re going to the library!”
She then took off out her bedroom door, leaving the mismatched pair to follow after her.
The trio raced down a few halls and then burst into the library, swinging the double doors wide open. Kiera gave the huge room a quick once over and then looked down at the book in her hand.
As soon as her eyes landed on it, she noticed that it was glowing. She flipped it open to the very centre of the book and gasped.
There, on the centrefold of the book, was a very old map. It glowed blue-white and Kiera found it hard to look at.
“Um, guys,” she said as she felt her friends move to either side of her. “Take a look at this!”
Declan and Natasha took a look—in fact, they stared!
“Wasn’t every single page blank a moment ago?” Declan asked with a frown.
“Um, yeah,” Kiera replied and walked forwards until she was just in front the desk. She put the book down and backed away a couple of steps. “They’re not now, though.”
The trio backed away a little more and watched the book. A moment later and thunder rumbled, and then quite suddenly there was a blinding flash of blue-ish light—from both inside and outside. There was a moment where the trio felt as though the ground were shaking and then everything went black.
What had just happened?
* * *
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello Scarlettfire,
I want to applaud you - obviously it is well written and I feel as though there's a lot of competence behind it, like you've planned the whole thing out and know your characters and your world inside and out. As a reader, this gives me assurance ^^ I feel like I'm in good hands.
I guess that was what made this exciting for me. The second chapter had this "Harry Potter, silver basin prophecy thing" - yet the whole thing seems to be more influenced by Tolkein xD I just found that interesting - while I got these impressions in the back of my mind, obviously this piece is its own thing, has its own flair. So I'm interested to see how this goes on, stylistically.
Going into the third chapter, I didn't know barely anything about the characters or their personality. Granted, I realize this is a draft and the concentration seems to be more on the plot. But that's no excuse to forget the characters. The plot may be good - but it won't hold together if the characters aren't there on every page. Love the switch in point of views between them.
I went back to quickly read the first and second chapter - so consider this the all comprehensive review of all three chapters!
Certainly, each chapter has its bit of intrigue - there seems to be this looming war between the two worlds. This is not exactly relevant - but the first chapter reminded me of Inkheart
I'll tell you that my sole interest for reading on were the two characters presented. They surely kept me interested, mostly because I wanted to know more about them - would have liked to see more of their personalities early on though
Oi, this was especially jarring. I'd just leave it out completely. It takes a lot of the suspense out. I'm not sure if it was because I've read through the first two chapters rather quickly, but this seems to me like the first place where the writer is actually stepping in to the story to explicitly say something. I may be wrong - maybe there were more subtle places in the previous chapters and I missed it - but to me, it seemed to come out of no where.
How old are they again? Was it mentioned? Just that to me, Keira seems so...young. I mean, she sounds young, acts young...but her friends are old enough to work/internship as residents?
She's speaking to Natasha, why is Declan muttering a response? I was just a little confused here.
Gr. I'm really trying not to critique on grammar, because I realize this is a draft and all and I feel as though what would be more helpful at this point are story/content feedback - but grr! Fix that!
Lol! What a brilliant deduction, but what's with their reactions? How come there's no mention of the fact that it's beyond normal for the words of a book to disappear?
Looking back, I guess the deduction seemed weird because there was no debating among the three of them, no musing about the possibility or the oddness of the event. Which is a shame, because it could be a chance for some character development. If you expand this part, I'm sure it would be more believable. As of right now, the deduction came out of no where and then it seemed as though the characters were completely confident. "I bet if we go to the library, this will happen" instead of "Maybe if we go to the library, something might happen..."
All in all, an interesting end! I must say, you've got great pacing. Not too slow or too fast - I have a lot of pacing troubles myself, so I admire when the pace of a novel is perfect like this ^_^ Can't wait too see what happens next.
~ As always Audy