Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
As soon as I step outside the cold wind hits me like a wall. My ears punctured by the screaming sound of the winters wind. I didnt think it would get this windy, so I only brought a light jacket. I step over puddles of water, while the sun tries to reach me through the dark gray clouds. The journey is cold and treacherous but I finally approach my her.
There she is, old reliable. Since I got here early in the morning, I had the privilege of getting a spot near the front of the parking garage.There are 2 stories to this parking garage but the top is the best because it leads straight to the road to get out of the mall. Getting a spot near front before the late afternoon holiday rush is a god send. My poor girl, waiting all day in the Texas cold for me. While it’s not the nicest car in the world, my 2009 avalon definitely gets the job done. For the past 7 years she has yet to fail me. Kudos to the Japanese, they know damn well how to make a reliable car. If the scrapes and dents on my front bumper could talk they would tell war stories.
I insert the key into the car door and quickly get out of the cold and into the car. A wash of the black little tree’s “new car scent” hits my face. I sit down into the squeaky leather seats. “Old reliable” i whisper to myself as i put the keys into the ignition, well, I say that and then of course, my engine starts to turn over, but doesn’t turn on. “Ok” I think to myself “its not used to the cold just need to try it a couple more times”. I try again... no luck. “fuck” i say to myself out loud. I loathe the cold with a passion, and now I feel it reaching into my bones, making me shiver. I hold myself in my jacket just a little bit tighter. I could use some warm air and my seat warmers right about now. I try again and i hear the sputtering go on for about 12 seconds when a raven lands on the hood of my car. I stop trying to turn on the car for a second. The bird look at me and shakes its head in an animal-like way. The bird is now staring at me intently with its head tilted while I start cranking the engine again. The raven shakes its head again in its animal-like way, and at this point I'm starting to take this as a sign from God. Maybe it’s just one of those days. Under my shaky breath I manage to mutter “what the hell do you want?” again the bird shakes its head. I raise my voice at the bird again “ Not everyone can afford the newest car you know”, and the bird shakes its damn head again. I’m done with his shenanigans and honk my horn, one last time he shakes his head at me and flies away into the grey sky. What the hell do birds know about cars anyways. I turn my key again, turning over the engine for about 12 seconds and finally it starts up. I turn my heat all the way up and turn my heated seats on high. I’ve never been more grateful for modern engineering. Now only if my car would heat up faster than in 3 minutes. While I wait for my car to heat up, I plug my phone into the Aux port. I had to recently buy a new aux cord because my new phone takes one of those usb c ports. But I mean, of course its worth it what else would I do while driving? Sit in my oqn deafening silence? I queue up “Serenade to music” by Vaughn Williams, shift the car into reverse, and slowly back out of my nice “close to the front” parking space. I make a left turn out of the parking lot and start my trek home.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the poisonous S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This story is about someone trying to start their car in the freezing car. It doesn’t work for a while and even a raven starts to silently judge them, but then, it starts, so it’s okay! The raven doesn’t know anything! Their car still works…for now!
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I don’t have a lot of recommendations to make, but if you wanted to, you could describe the raven shaking its head with other words instead of “animal-like”, like “peculiar” or something like that. You don’t have to, though.
Chocolate Bar - I like how the person doesn’t even listen to the raven and instead puts their trust in the old car. It’s an “old reliable” after all, what difference does a little cold make? This person would probably rather die than put their trust in any other car, and it’s shown in how they ignore the raven and still feebly try to start their car, because why get a new car when they can use their old one? Even though it takes a while, it’s still a victory for them because it started.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a nice short story on how a person will do anything to do what they have always done, to never break out of their safe and sound habits. After all, why try something new when you can just do what’s always worked? It will only be a matter of time before one would have to try something else, but that wouldn’t happen for a while, would it? Hopefully the old car can continue to hold out, but other than that…
I wish you a marvelous day/night!
Hey! I am here to write a review for this work of yours.
At a glance, I can tell this is supposed to mean a struggle of life. The old car and not being able to make due for a new one really captures the heart. The main character most likely has a boring, monotonous life consisted of continuously working, and being tired every day. The raven also helps with the irony of the
situation. The annoyance when the car took a little too long to start is probably relatable to most of us.
Other than that, I have no more commentary, so I will give you some writing tips.
1. The last paragraph was too long for the comfort of the eye. I suggest you break it down a little more.
2. Grammar is important. Whatever the writing goal is here, you should always practice proper grammar usage.
3. Make a few more points to tell the audience. This was the first time I only wrote one commentary paragraph.
Personally, I think this is a great short. It took me a little while to learn these points too, but hey, live and learn. Thank you for reading this review, and salud!