Power

YASSS YOU GO GIRL

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

I like the way that you are able to create a message around the letters that spell power. I also like the way you highlight the letters so that the reader can see exactly how the acrostic works. Power can indeed corrupt and can indeed be an obsession. We have plenty of historical examples that clearly demonstrate that. So the poem points out something that is not controversial but sometime that the reader readily agrees with in a general way. It can only become controversial if we make unqualified statements.

Creating an acrostic and making it sound accurate and poetic at the same time isn't easy. That's for sure. Number of lines are limited by the letters and the letter of each word starting a new line must be specifically the acrostic one. So it is like a tightrope walker trying to stay true to balance and you are to be commended for accomplishing this.

Sometimes it can be done and it turns out to be poetic and at other times it might fail to be poetic enough. In short, we might have to discard many attempts before hitting upon the right one. On some occasions my first attempt is perfect. I seem to be inspired and everything falls neatly into place. But with acrostics I have often found myself in a serious struggle which involves repeated reorganization and word shifting before finding the right balance.

On other occasions what I write is clearly not poetic and is merely prose arranged in an acrostic format. I get the sense that as a poet I need to keep searching and have stopped too soon. But then again if poets such as Robert Frost have to do it, who am I to feel that I don't? So it isn't lack of talent involved-it is merely the need to try to refine what's on the page. Fortunately, sometimes I find that all it needed was adding assonance, alliteration, rhyme, off rhyme, metaphor, simile. Adding some of these to the
composition further distances it from prose which is good. At other times the concepts themselves are flawed and I have to discard whole sentences and start again.

Suggestions

If it were mine, I would seek to polish it a little more by trying to include assonance, alliteration, maybe some rhyme. Please keep in mind that in poetry less is more. So removing all unnecessary words will be a good idea.

The use of the words "man" "men" and "mankind" might be seen by some women as male chauvinism. They can be substituted with words such as ""people" "persons" "humanity".

The following line seems to say something other than what was intended. Removing the word "help" would fix it.

Weak humans can't help hold this poisonous hunger at bay. If only
[Weak humans can't hold this poisonous hunger at bay. If only]

The last line would harmonize better with the context if it read "hunger for it" or "crave it" or "strive for it". You know, for the power.

Hey Satrena! I'm Elinor, and I'm here to give you a review on your poem. I love acrostics. I used to write them all the time. I also like your choice of topic. It's definitely a loaded one, but I still think you manage to say a lot with only a couple of lines. I like that you don't get too specific either, but it's still clear what this is about.

What I felt was missing was a sense of rhythm. It feels a little bit choppy just to read out loud, and I think you can pare down some of your lines. For example:

Obsession calmed their minds like the slaves they owned.

Weak humans can't help hold this poisonous hunger at bay.