I call for you.
You do not answer.
I think of you.
Do you think of me?
I am whole, but wholly broken.
Will you ever come back to me?
We were together-
Much better,
Than surrounded by others.
Because you were there -
And I was there,
And love tied us together.
Now you’re gone, and
I am gone too
Though I wait for you,
In this meadow
Where days last for years
And sleep is never present,
But never gone.
Come to me,
Meet with me,
Stay in this meadow forever.
You can come
You hold the key,
But
you stop at the door.
You turn back-
Not to me, but
to them.
They won’t let you come.
Misguided,
You follow their lead.
Blind to the ones
Who you should not heed.
But you follow them,
Not me.
I call for you.
Can you hear me?
I loved you
Love you
Will love you
Do you love me?
Years
But days
You’ve turned away,
Away from the one to whom you’re bound.
But I don’t forget
Will
never forget
Love never forgets
And neither will you.
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137,573 Literary Works • 672,048 Reviews
Hey! ajruby12 here.
Well.. I was going to comment on the structure at the beginning, then realized it was on purpose. Anyway, I couldn't find any grammar mistakes, which is great! And this poem really feels like it came from your heart. It engaged me, which I love in a poem. So excellent job!
-Lady Ariana, The Silver Knight
Great job on this! I really enjoyed how your style here is so free. What drew me the most into this poem, was how it came across to me as though you were wearing your heart on your sleeve. It was a refreshingly open and honest piece. Once again, nice job, and keep up the good work!
I liked it.Because it was very heartfelt and kept me interested to see how it would play out.
II really loved your poem! It has good rhythm and I liked it.
That's all I have to tell you.
Good poem
II really loved your poem! It has good rhythm and I liked it.
That's all I have to tell you.
Good poem
Thanks I'm glad you liked it
Hi Sarrasponda,here is Dark to give review on your poem.
I'm comfortable with the style of your writing here in this love-themed poem.It is no exaggeration with the expressions of feeling, enough to express what love can do to us.
#Years
But days
You’ve turned away,
Away from the one to whom you’re bound.
But I don’t forget
Will
never forget "-->This is my favorite stanza anyway!
Overall,you have a good poem here,with good rhythm and diction.That is why,I like it
Thanks i'm glad you enjoyed it
Pandabear here, and oooo lalala I really like this poem. This structure is fantastico!
Also no grammar mistakes? Yay you! 
Anyways, I like the whole thing equally because I cant pick out my favorite. I hope you find more poems from a long time ago because they are great 
*tear tear* makes me cry.
I hope this helped you on your day through life lol even though I didn't say anything helpful. Now I am just rambling so I will let this stop going!
Hope to see more poems!
Kisses,
-panda
Thank you! You probably will never see another poem by me ever (I stopped writing poems years ago), but I'm glad you didn't find this one tedious to read
Why oh why would you stop writing poetry if your so good at it?
I never feel like it - when I see something cool, it makes me want to write a story, not poetry
how bout you, stories or poems?
Very interesting poem. It seems this could almost be read from the perspective of a forget-me-not flower in a meadow that someone came and saw one day, and then never came back for. It fits quite nicely, especially if the person was a child and the "they" of the poem were their parents, telling them not to go back into the field. Or it could be from the perspective of someone who is like a flower in a field, and was abandoned by their true love. Many different and interesting perspectives.
I liked how you had the format of this poem. Especially with the responses and such thrown over to the other side. There were only a few minor things I would change. What purpose does "Years" serve? It's all by itself, and it just felt sort of lonely. And then with "But I don't forget Will never forget," I would put the "Will" with the "never forget." Otherwise great poem.
Thanks for the review! I honestly can't remember what it was about, I think I started writing about one dead lover talking to their living lover and trying to coax them to the other side, but I can't be sure.
Hi there, Sarrasponda!
Lovely poem! The premise is refreshingly original, though somehow in a well-worn kind of way, an atmosphere which I enjoy. It feels wistful and old-fashioned, yet full of new ideas.
I like the use of the right-sided lines, but the problem is I don't see any kind of pattern or system to where the lines are indented. It seems to be fairly random, beyond the first four lines. Maybe if you came up with a formula for when to indent the lines and when not and followed that, it would make more sense. If that happened, the indentations would enhance the poem's style and atmosphere rather than confusing the reader. Perhaps, since a lot of the indented lines are already questions, you could just make all of the questions on the right side and leave everything else, and that would make more sense.
Another thing I don't understand is your use of opposites, or paradoxes. When reading lines like:
I see that maybe they could have poetic value and look really fancy on the page, but still, when I read them, I don't understand their meaning or see how the support the rest of the poem. They just are impossibilities with no explanation. "I am whole, but wholly broken" could perhaps remain there if you added in another line or two elaborating on how this works, and what it means in the context. However, "Sleep is never present, but never gone" just seems silly. Choose one or the other to support the poem, rather than trying to make vague paradoxes at random.
In general, there's one more thing I would like to know when reading the poem. Who are the "they" that you refer to when you are talking about "you"? You use vague descriptions in relation to the "you" character, but we never actually know who "they" are and why they are there.
Anways, I truly enjoyed myself reading this! You have a lot of skill in writing poetry, especially in creative ideas and themes, so go on with this. Have a good day / night!
~Sapi
Thanks for the helpful review/comments. Yeah I agree with most of what you're saying - those lines are really random, aren't they? But hey, I was like ten. I can't remember who the 'they' were supposed to be; it's either a representation of God calling his people (the 'you') or some lover who died calling their living lover home (death). I am so out of the poetry business. Anyway, thanks again!
No problem. By the way, if you wrote this when you were ten, that is really special and amazing!